Now RA and EX Cross Country Binger: Next Chapter
 

Hi my name is Hope and I am a recovering codependent.

For those who have been following my story of recovery my A was in active recovery and we moved into his dream house surrounded by hundreds of holes of golf (his passion) and within weeks he picked up a drink and completely lost his mind. I kicked him out and he flew to Vegas and spent 3 months drinking and gambling.

Twice before he had done this in our relationship (loves Vegas where the bars are open 24/7 and all the glitter and gambling) and he would call and beg me to come and rescue him. Stupidly I would do this and actually I trained him to relapse and expect rescue! I just figured this out. This time I went no contact and he started threatening suicide. I blocked his number.

He went from penthouses and diamond cards to the gutter and sleeping in doorways.

A few days ago he entered a one year recovery program in California and of course he is calling and is back to being the sweet, charming and of course very remorseful A that always sucked me back into the vortex of the alcoholic dance.

Not this time. Still sounds like quacks to me. I pray for him to find his way out of his alcoholic addictive thinking and childish behaviors. I will wait for his actions to show me who he really is.

He is asking for "support" and can he write in a couple of weeks. I said no.

I finally have peace and serenity in my life. One phone call from the program about his belongings and talking to him on the phone upset me all day.

I said I would pack some of his clothes and belongings and mail them out to him but I think that is all I should do.

Thoughts?

"Support"?

Can you imagine abandoning your partner for three months and then turning around and whining for "support"?

I like the idea of sending him his things, just so there's no reason for him to contact you again.

Ugh. I'm so sorry.

By all means, if mailing him his things gives you additional closure, DO IT !!!!

I applaud how you are handling this situation. Good for you.

That's what it is all about....having peace and serenity in our lives.

I am proud of you for your resolve and your actions. You are an inspiration to all of us recovering codies.

I understand and empathize with your heartache; you are not alone here.

Take care, my friend.

Hi!

I think you are doing a fabulous job of letting go. I'm so proud of you. Keep putting yourself first and hold on to that peace and serenity. You deserve it.

Love,

Lily

Sounds like that old movie where Nic Cage moves to Vegas to drink himself to death. Glad you are going no contact.

((Hope))

I am so impressed with your new attitude! Go ahead and return the responsibility of his life back to him. And spend your energy doing the things that will bring more peace in your life. Don't forget to reward yourself when You accomplish some really annoying task... The more annoying it is, the better the reward!

When I left my AH, he started spouting all kinds of statistics at me (that he said he got from his therapist) about how recovery was so much more likely if the spouse was actively supporting the A. I was thinking at that point that he didn't know what he was asking of me. I was pretty sure he didn't really want the kind of support I was capable of giving at that time. He had gotten me so steaming mad, i had gone NC except for emails. Even then, i only responded to him when he wasnt quacking. I finally Sent him a message explaining that I loved him and that I wished him peace and success in his recovery.

I still hope that for him... But from a distance.

((more hugs!))
Fathom