SearchSerenity

I spent the night at my mom's house for the first time in 14 years. My stepfather is an A. He made my life miserable and I left as soon as I graduated from HS. My mother is still married to him. How?

How does she cope with this?

A close family member passed away yesterday, that's what brought me back inside her home. I normally stay at a hotel.

He was upset that I wasn't staying again tonight, he wanted to drink a few beers with me. Well, he started to drink and started on his little temper tantrum. Same crap from 14 years ago.

SearchSerenity

I've also became aware last night how I learned to ignore my own thoughts and feelings...from my mother.

I walked in the house and stated that it smelt like cig smoke. She replied, "No, it doesn't. You're imagining it."

Seren

Denial. Fear. She may be afraid of living alone. He may have filled her head for years with things like "you won't make it without me" and other forms of verbal abuse.

The sad truth is, she is his enabler, and just as we can't control or cure the alcholics in our lives, we can't control or cure our fellow enablers, either.

Perhaps you could invite your mother (by herself) to come and visit you sometime? Maybe some alone time away from your stepfather would be a welcome break for her.