Appalled by AA retreat activity
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 23
Appalled by AA retreat activity
My estranged husband has managed to stay sober since 7/2010, which I am very proud to say. He is very involved in AA and goes to at least one meeting a day but usually more or other AA activities.
He has been going to retreats with his AA home group. Although he has kept sober he has continued to addictively gamble. He has lied, borrowed money under false pretenses and shut almost everyone out of his life except for AA people. He has discussed his issue with his sponsor several times. At the last retreat, gambling for cash was an activity. My husband told me on accident as he thought I was asking him about this but I was actually asking about something else, I guess guilty conscious. He told me it was not an issue because he was made to be the dealer. I am completely sickened by this. Gambling is an addictive behavior and many times goes hand in hand with drinking. What kind of activitiy is this to have at a AA retreat?
I am wondering what the opinion of others is on this subject, maybe others that are involved in AA. In my eyes, gambling at an AA retreat is no different than taking drugs at an AA retreat and saying this isn't an NA retreat.
Thoughts?
He has been going to retreats with his AA home group. Although he has kept sober he has continued to addictively gamble. He has lied, borrowed money under false pretenses and shut almost everyone out of his life except for AA people. He has discussed his issue with his sponsor several times. At the last retreat, gambling for cash was an activity. My husband told me on accident as he thought I was asking him about this but I was actually asking about something else, I guess guilty conscious. He told me it was not an issue because he was made to be the dealer. I am completely sickened by this. Gambling is an addictive behavior and many times goes hand in hand with drinking. What kind of activitiy is this to have at a AA retreat?
I am wondering what the opinion of others is on this subject, maybe others that are involved in AA. In my eyes, gambling at an AA retreat is no different than taking drugs at an AA retreat and saying this isn't an NA retreat.
Thoughts?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Yes I would think that too! It was told to me by my husband and it was confirmed by his sponsor, who is the head of the AA group. This is a very large AA group there are over 100 members that attend each week.
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I don't know if it was a sponsored activity, as I don't know what the retreats are like but it involved the majority of the group.
I wonder at times if this particular AA group is not the most healthy. I know AA is helpful for many people and most groups are beneficial but there has been many instances where this group seems very extereme and has had some unhealthy expectations.
I wonder at times if this particular AA group is not the most healthy. I know AA is helpful for many people and most groups are beneficial but there has been many instances where this group seems very extereme and has had some unhealthy expectations.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Your husband is responsible for his own recovery. It really isn't your problem to concern yourself with. This is one of those things over which you have absolutely no control.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
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Originally Posted by nbunderstanding 
It was told to me by my husband and it was confirmed by his sponsor, who is the head of the AA group. This is a very large AA group there are over 100 members that attend each week.
If this is a weekly meeting, I don't know, I don't really go to those. A weekly retreat? As in he stas the night? Please elaborate on how this works. This smells very fishy to me.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Originally Posted by scrambled2012
Wouldn't it be ironic if folks are getting drunk at gambling addiction support meetings? Then like, every five years, we rotate members~~~~
kidding of course, just kidding
kidding of course, just kidding
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Well, every year there is an AA convention in Sparks Nevada
held at Asquaga's Nugget, and yes many that go to the Convention
do gamble the whole 4 days. That btw was the only casino I
was ever 86'd out of during my 'active' years, lol
It was interesting to go there sober about 3 years, to see if I
had a gambling problem. Turned out that I did not, I would do
all that gambling because the drinks were FREE.
Not the case for my second husband who was sober in AA,
however, while we were married, he switched addictions to
gambling, and never was able to stop that.
As to this 'AA Group' he belongs to, sounds kind of 'hinky' to me.
Sounds more like some of the 'fellows' from the AA group are
having 'weekend retreats' at a cabin some where just so they
can gamble. Does not sound good to me ...................
J M H O
Love and hugs,
held at Asquaga's Nugget, and yes many that go to the Convention
do gamble the whole 4 days. That btw was the only casino I
was ever 86'd out of during my 'active' years, lol
It was interesting to go there sober about 3 years, to see if I
had a gambling problem. Turned out that I did not, I would do
all that gambling because the drinks were FREE.
Not the case for my second husband who was sober in AA,
however, while we were married, he switched addictions to
gambling, and never was able to stop that.
As to this 'AA Group' he belongs to, sounds kind of 'hinky' to me.
Sounds more like some of the 'fellows' from the AA group are
having 'weekend retreats' at a cabin some where just so they
can gamble. Does not sound good to me ...................
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
My ex used to buy those scratch off cards and such, but I thought it was a waste of money that could be spent on beer. 
But it certainly does not seem like a good idea to get a group of addicted people together to gamble.
LOL If I were still drinking you bet I would suddenly find an interest in gambling.
Beth
But it certainly does not seem like a good idea to get a group of addicted people together to gamble.
It was interesting to go there sober about 3 years, to see if I
had a gambling problem. Turned out that I did not, I would do
all that gambling because the drinks were FREE.
had a gambling problem. Turned out that I did not, I would do
all that gambling because the drinks were FREE.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
That's the strangest AA retreat I've ever heard of. Really. So many alcoholics have cross over addictions it seems very odd they would put them in a position that could trigger one of the other addictions. Doesn't sound like a very healthy
retreat to me.
retreat to me.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I spoke at an AA convention a few years ago that was held at a "Casino/hotel" location ~ several committee members had discussions about the location of the convention because of the "casino, drinking, etc." atmosphere ~
This year they moved to another location.
Since he continues to be involved in unhealthy behaviors this seems to be the part where YOUR recovery has to become stronger ~ where you have to take good care of you ~ set your boundaries and do what is healthiest for you ~
wishing you the best
PINK HUGS,
Rita
This year they moved to another location.
Since he continues to be involved in unhealthy behaviors this seems to be the part where YOUR recovery has to become stronger ~ where you have to take good care of you ~ set your boundaries and do what is healthiest for you ~
wishing you the best
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
1. If you guys are estranged his tomfoolery with money doesn't affect your finances, does it? (Assuming not.) So the good news is you don't have to care.
2. To answer your question on whether it's a terrible idea. "Gambling for cash" can mean a lot of things.
A. Casino? A bad idea not because of the addiction angle but just because they're a stupid waste of money.
B. High-stakes poker games as entertainment? Kinda dumb, if people are potentially losing more than 50 bucks or so. Just because newly recovered people especially are most likely in a financial mess anyway and don't need to be losing more.
C. Informal card games or whatever with low stakes (like capped at 20 dollars loss or something)? Not a big deal.
2. To answer your question on whether it's a terrible idea. "Gambling for cash" can mean a lot of things.
A. Casino? A bad idea not because of the addiction angle but just because they're a stupid waste of money.
B. High-stakes poker games as entertainment? Kinda dumb, if people are potentially losing more than 50 bucks or so. Just because newly recovered people especially are most likely in a financial mess anyway and don't need to be losing more.
C. Informal card games or whatever with low stakes (like capped at 20 dollars loss or something)? Not a big deal.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I'm afraid I have to push back regarding the views that this "couldn't happen" at an AA retreat.
In my area, there was, for years, a large group that was headed up by a married couple. It was a Monday night meeting with several different meeting styles and a couple hundred people used to go.
Each fall, this couple would organize a "step retreat" at a nearby resort. Attendees paid a fee and the weekend consisted of various meetings and workshops.
Sounds ok...except for a couple of things, which I didn't know until I went on the retreat myself. Otherwise, I would not have believed it: there was so much hooking up between the men and women that I felt like I was at a swinger's convention. Lots of oldtimer men pursuing the younger women; the worst offender being the husband of this couple. I found out later, too, that the thing was a money-making venture for the couple. The fee everyone paid was higher than the actual cost of the retreat, and they pocketed the difference.
Now, I'm not going to say this was a normal or typical AA retreat. I went on many other retreats during my AA tenure that were absolutely fine, and in fact I ran a few myself. But to say that untoward things can't happen at an AA retreat? Of course they can.
In my area, there was, for years, a large group that was headed up by a married couple. It was a Monday night meeting with several different meeting styles and a couple hundred people used to go.
Each fall, this couple would organize a "step retreat" at a nearby resort. Attendees paid a fee and the weekend consisted of various meetings and workshops.
Sounds ok...except for a couple of things, which I didn't know until I went on the retreat myself. Otherwise, I would not have believed it: there was so much hooking up between the men and women that I felt like I was at a swinger's convention. Lots of oldtimer men pursuing the younger women; the worst offender being the husband of this couple. I found out later, too, that the thing was a money-making venture for the couple. The fee everyone paid was higher than the actual cost of the retreat, and they pocketed the difference.
Now, I'm not going to say this was a normal or typical AA retreat. I went on many other retreats during my AA tenure that were absolutely fine, and in fact I ran a few myself. But to say that untoward things can't happen at an AA retreat? Of course they can.
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