Shadydeal

My XABF has tried moderate drinking over and over....I don't get it because he is truly a chronic A. He doesn't function! For him, drinking will lead to binges, job loss, detox, sober, feeling good and starting over with moderate drinking. I might add the moderate may last a day to a week. Great guy but just can't seem to get his problems under control. Really one of the saddesst things I have every seen or lived thru in my life this far. So, I only got to enjoy moments of soberity which only last at most 30-45 days before he would start the moderation drinking again. My saying.....Any drinking for him leads to the Highway of Hell. Sad for all of us that love him too.

Heath3r

Thank you all for your posts, and I do hear those of you who are frustrated at seeing the topic of moderation come up over and over. I knew going into this it was not likely, that his case was likely truly that of an alcoholic and not just a problem drinker. There are studies out there that say moderation may work... for some, but then there's always the debate that those who can moderate it are not truly alcoholic. In my own problems with drinking I see the problem thought pattern, I recognize it the next day how it just takes over, but maybe for me it's different, the fear of going down that route keeps me away. I can give it up and not miss it even though I still feel the social pull to drink too. But for him, he just refuses to see the reality and wishes the false one on the facts.

After my post we talked some more and he seemed to get where I was coming from and I also acknowledged to him and myself that I don't have control over what he does, all I can do is say what I think and let him know what the consequences of his behavior are. He said there were 3 times this summer he still wanted to 'have a few beers' which I told him I didn't agree with, but said these are your choices to make. And again, he's already gone out drinking with his buddies before the first one came up. He's also sneaking alcohol again.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting yesterday and between that meeting, talking to my good friend who's also gone through this with her parents and family, and what people say on here I don't have a lot of hope for us surviving this and that is killing me. He has been the best thing that's happened to me and the best person I can imagine sharing my life with, but if he thinks he can moderate alcohol again and again, I don't want to live my life like that. The hard part will be knowing where that breaking point is. Like him, I want a different reality. But I don't want to look back on my life and see these mistakes and the impact they've had on the family we would have together and know that I could have prevented it.

Anon12

I can see many similarities with my XABF. He just can't accept it is never an option to drink again. I'm at that breaking point and he moved out today. I feel both numb and in excruciating pain. But I know it's the right decision for me. I too felt i couldnt bring a child into that situation. I'm just overwhelmed by sadness and such a feeling of waste.

Justfor1

His "2 drinks" could be two full glasses of straight whiskey. You will never ever be able to control the amount he drinks. You can't get him sober & you can't get him drunk either.