lillamy

Kids came back from AXH. One of them in the same clothes she left my house in four days ago. Hasn't showered or had a bath. Hasn't had a single dose of the daily medication she relies on for a chronic health condition. Is a bear of a human being to deal with.

She doesn't want to go there. She says so.

I hear divorced normie friends who have a hard time with their children being excited to go see the Other Parent. I know that must sting in your heart. But I wish my kids were excited to see him. They're not. They've learned to have zero expectations. And then they come back to me after each stint with him and are just vile.

I don't want him to go downhill, but I'm looking forward to him going downhill. Because he's not far from the point where he won't be able to handle them at all. I'm looking forward to him getting there, because it will be better for the children. And it hurts my heart to see it. All of it.

So. Thanks for letting me vent. Now we're going to play some board games, do some laundry, braid some hair, and try to get our lives back to normal again.

changeschoices

I hope your night went well! Sometimes doing the most mundane things helps me the most when I'm feeling turmoil about the AX. I love doing laundry when I'm stressed--nothing better than a warm pile of good-smelling laundry to make you feel like life is not so bad after all.

I know what you mean about wanting things to go badly for your A. I feel the same way, not because I don't care about him, but because I want him to get help.

Do you have a counselor who could help you with regard to your children not wanting to see their dad, with their attitude when they come home, etc? Sometimes it really helps to have a "professional opinion" about things involving the kids. I have a counselor and she's awesome and I always leave her office with a greater sense of clarity.

Tuffgirl

My kids are always excited to see their Dad. I want it that way. Your kids being forced to see theirs under these circumstances really gets me...WTH is wrong here? Why won't our state allow them the choice to go or not? I don't understand that at all, Lillamy. And it makes me embarrassed for our a$$-backward state when we have stupid rules like this.

Is there an opportunity to petition on your daughter's behalf to choose not go visit anymore?

Thelma

Does anyone else think that this may be a reason for supervised visits? Not giving needed medication to your daughter and no enforced hygiene? Maybe if they had supervised visitation at least they would be taken care of. I hope you're keeping a record of all of this for your attorney.

wanttobehealthy

The fact that your D hasn't had a single dose of daily medication for a health condition is neglect at best on his part. I'm alarmed by that and bet that Child Protective Services would be too. If he can't be bothered to ensure that the kids are clean, and given medication when they are with him, maybe it's time for the law to step in and monitor that. It sounds awful for your kids and for you. I'm so sorry.

Buffalo66

My son adores his father, warts and all. He is still young, but his eyes are pretty open, but he still loves to see his dad. He does not do sleep overs with his dad.

I am not judging, but if my son expressed that much trepidation over seeing his father, and came home in same clothes, not having been properly cared for...(medication, bathing..._) I would have to conclude that he is already at the point that you are waiting for.

My A can be a jerk, and a whackjob, and driven, maybe manic, but he does the basic stuff for the most part.

Of course he does not have them for overnights. Maybe you should reel that right back in?

Lord knows what has to transpire for a kid to not want to see their daddy.

My A has let our son down a lot, and he still loves his daddy

I would listen to the wisdom of a kid that is asking not to go be alone with their dad. Especially if he is still active with Alcoholism.

I know he has rights, but I would start writing this stuff down. And taking action to protect your kids.

Cassey

While at their dads can you not call them to say goodnight and ask them to take their meds, brush their teeth and bathe?

theuncertainty

Hugs, Lillamy. I hope you had a better evening and weekend. I’m so sorry that you and your kiddos are having to deal with this. I completely understand the not wanting him to go downhill, but waiting for him to go downhill. I think AXH is getting close, also. And it’s not just with his drinking, but his abusive behavior... I can hear it in the tone of his communication; it’s coming.

And you know what s-cks? Is, this weekend, I found myself believing his excuses that lead to his abusive behavior, again. So much work for me to do on not letting him get to me. And I need to dig down and find the strength to go back to court, but HP I’m so tired. I have no idea where my energy and confidence reserves are any more.

Wishing you all serenity and safety.

Buffalo66

I hope what I wrote did not sound too simple or thoughtless.... I think I have been there too close to what you wrote. My son does not ever say he doesnt want to be with his dad, but sometimes I feel wrong about letting him go, but his father has the right to be with him.

I guess I just wanted to impress that your daughter might be trying to tell you what is the best for her.

I feel like I wanted to say I also understand how tough the situation is.

So much. I understand.

Keeping you in light.