webber1

Since joining this site plus therapy Its like a whole new paradigm has come into play..

So many of you that suffer with your AH behaviour and seek answers need to look no further than yourself: You are not the problem!

My partner of 5 years is back for her 3rd rehab stint. She drank twice in a week after 6 months and 30k later 17 weeks in therapy and the old set patterns of guilt and denial come into play. : "you are not helping my rehab", " Its all about me and getting better" , Im sorry( for the 100th time)..

It wasnt till I realised that that her behaviour , her constant cycle of broken promises reflected a person that even without the booze is'nt I nice person. She holds onto the belief that AH is a disease hence absovling her of any responsibilty of her actions. A classic was she replased the night I had 12 guests over and she abused me and them. Morning comes and the old " I can't remember last night "

What does it say about us that we let someone treat us so badly. A relationship with a AH is'nt love its the thrill of our own addiction to there behaviour. Love is kind its full of respect and till recently I thought I could change my partner.

Instead I changed me.. I simply have focused on me and my needs and have never felt so alive. The horror of what I have experienced has morphed into knowing I deserve better.. much better.

I hope this gives some of you hope as since Ive let go of my AH partner normality has returned and I love life again..

Seren

Wonderful post, webber! Thank you for sharing.

What does it say about us, indeed? I think we value our own opinions and worth so little, that we believe that "this is what I deserve", and it's not!

We do deserve better treatment. Respect, kindness, dignity.

Katiekate

Hi Webber, thank you so much for this post.

It touched me and helped me in ways that feel so healing.

I so appreciate your share.

love to you and continued health and healing. Katie

EnglishGarden

Thank you for your strengthening words to all.

Alcoholics are so skilled at manipulating others by guilt that we feel so bad for the alcoholic, we pity her or him, and we entirely forget that we are worthy of loving treatment from anyone with whom we share our most intimate life. We pity the alcoholic and are in denial about being abused.

We can step off the train any time.

Tuffgirl

I have a quote hanging on my fridge that says "At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story ends".

Your post reminds me of our choices. Thanks for sharing!