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The irony of it all

Old 05-18-2012, 12:21 PM
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The irony of it all

So, last night I went to my Al Anon meeting. These were always the nights when AH would decide he should get a good binge going. Maybe it was some sort of retaliation for my going to meetings? Anyway, I came home and leaned on his car in the garage for a second as my 13 year old pushed past me and I realize that AH's car hood was hot. So, I go inside and realize he drove on his suspended license to go buy non-alcoholic beer!

So, I guess the irony of this is that he would risk getting caught driving on a suspended license just to buy NA beer, LOL??? Does he need that cold bottle in his hand so badly that he had to risk it? Yes, yes he does. I mean, why not go for the real stuff at that point? Anyway, I had to laugh and tried to suppress any negative things I was ready to say about the driving stuff. Nothing I say is going to make a difference anyway!
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Old 05-18-2012, 12:40 PM
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Next time he takes his car out for a spin with a suspended licence, call the police with his plate number and then call a lawyer to file "dump his azz" papers.
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Old 05-18-2012, 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
liz, you failed to mention that you are married to a 14 year old!!! good gravy talk about stupid. and well......stupid.

i want you to ponder the fact that EVERY TIME he pulls another stunt like this, he is putting everything at risk....your way of life, your financial stability, the whole nine yards. and he doesn't seem to give a ratsazz about anything but his own stupid selfish little game.

you aren't dealing with an equal here.....you are dealing with an overgrown teenager. he's all about seeing how much he can get away with and that's going to catch up with him. and sadly you will at least in part pay the price.

is it worth the risk?
Wow, you're giving him credit. I was thinking that my 13 year old is more mature than he is! And, yes, I have been thinking about all of that and more. The problem is that I will be tied to him for quite some time as our finances are locked in a trust and not in our names directly. I have been socking away some cash, I have a decent IRA from my old job, and I have an investment account in my name with about 4 months living expenses put away. None of those accounts have his name on them, thank goodness. Also, my car is in my name only. Luckily, we also have no debt except for our mortgage and we have some equity in the house so it could be sold for spending cash at some point, too. I have run all the numbers, I'm looking for part time work right now, and I have finally taken the blinders off.

I have been working on getting all my son's educational testing done and his diagnoses' too. He is ADHD(without the H part, LOL) and his academics are all over the board so I'm trying to get him organized in case I have to put him in school in the future, and for an IEP, etc. I put the braces on him already to lock us in the payment plan so that AH couldn't refuse this in the future.

And, to address Gerry: can you actually report someone for driving on a suspended license. His whole defense for that is that he hasn't received the formal notification from the DMV so if he went to court he would be able to get out of it because the DMV is dragging their feet sending out ppwk. I'm not so sure about that, and it would still cost us money if he had to go to court again. Anyway, I got tired of listening to his defense and just ignore him. I hadn't really thought to turn him in. Wow, that seems vindictive but at the same time is protecting us as a family, too, right?
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Old 05-18-2012, 01:39 PM
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Just so you know, most states do not care whose name assets are in. If you are married, they are joint. Same with debt. It does help in the sense that he cannot access and spend those monies, but should you divorce him, there is a good chance he is entitled to half. Sucks, I know from experience. Anyway, you might want to consult with an attorney if you haven't already just to find out where you stand. Doesn't mean you have to do anything right now, but having knowledge can help you make tough decisions if you need to.

L
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Old 05-18-2012, 01:48 PM
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Knowledge is power.
Especially when an immature 13 year old doesn't get wind of it.

Yes, he would risk everything to get some NA beer.
I am an ACOA, so I see drunks everywhere (or because I am an alcoholic) but, the NA beer could just be a cover for the real stuff. Got a stash somewhere.
Has he been ankled up yet?

Beth

Personally, I would have walked.
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Old 05-18-2012, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by wicked View Post
Knowledge is power.
Especially when an immature 13 year old doesn't get wind of it.

Yes, he would risk everything to get some NA beer.
I am an ACOA, so I see drunks everywhere (or because I am an alcoholic) but, the NA beer could just be a cover for the real stuff. Got a stash somewhere.
Has he been ankled up yet?

Beth

Personally, I would have walked.
His stash is the hard stuff. No, he won't get ankled up until after he does his jail time. He self surrenders on June 2nd, does his 3-4 days(depending on how long processing in and out takes) and then gets ankled up and has the home detention system turned on for 11 days. Lucky us, I got to pay for that new phone line we had to get, too. I am in extreme resentment mode today, he better keep hiding in his office cause it won't be pretty around here, LOL!
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Old 05-18-2012, 02:14 PM
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His whole defense for that is that he hasn't received the formal notification from the DMV so if he went to court he would be able to get out of it because the DMV is dragging their feet sending out ppwk

Mine's formal notice of suspension was delivered in person by the judge at sentencing when it was suspended by the judge. Getting the paperwork from the MVD was only like kissing the bride after the ceremony -- the MVD notice didn't make it official, it was just a follow up to the formality that already occurred.
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Old 05-18-2012, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Kiana View Post
His whole defense for that is that he hasn't received the formal notification from the DMV so if he went to court he would be able to get out of it because the DMV is dragging their feet sending out ppwk

Mine's formal notice of suspension was delivered in person by the judge at sentencing when it was suspended by the judge. Getting the paperwork from the MVD was only like kissing the bride after the ceremony -- the MVD notice didn't make it official, it was just a follow up to the formality that already occurred.
He just got the notification today, LOL!
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Old 05-18-2012, 02:34 PM
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After everything surrounding the dwi mine continually risked it all for the beer.

One night (a few months after the ID was removed) after he drove away black out mean-blitzed one night, somebody called the cops. =] They found him parked on the roadside passed out behind the wheel, but the keys were in the back seat and he argued with the cops that somebody drove him there, so they didn't haul him in.

A year in prison, or potentially worse especially for somebody else, was worth it to him for the booze.
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Old 05-18-2012, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
He just got the notification today, LOL!
Well, mine could always come up with some other excuse. LOL That thought process was amazing.
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Old 05-18-2012, 05:35 PM
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Go to a lawyer discuss what your options are, a trust can be allocated as a cavet to a financial settlement due to divorce.

If he takes your car , I would call the cops, you are putting your entire future in jeapordy by allowing him to get away with this behavior.

He is already on near beer, which I believe has minimal alcohol content, next week, it will be a beer, if you believe that he hasn't had one yet.

The judge made it too easy on him, he is cocky and invinsible...until he gets caught again and starts crying like a baby.
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Old 05-18-2012, 05:42 PM
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My gut says he buys the NA beer to explain the beer breathe but has a stash of the real stuff...or buys the real stuff while out too and pounds it before he comes home.

If that's not the case he's setting himself up for a relapse and isn't taking his recovery seriously. My RXAB always wants to sit at the bar at restaurants to eat...he does this alone, with other people from AA. That's like me thinking I can talk to my X on the phone and not get upset. Why test yourself when it isn't necessary?
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Old 05-18-2012, 06:43 PM
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My out of control addict cousin has had a suspended license for 5+ years. He was once stopped on the West side of Chicago in a drug "hotspot" buying heroin. The cops didn't even bother asking for his license or insurance! Just searched him for dope and then let him go!
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted by FindingJoy View Post
My gut says he buys the NA beer to explain the beer breathe but has a stash of the real stuff...or buys the real stuff while out too and pounds it before he comes home.

If that's not the case he's setting himself up for a relapse and isn't taking his recovery seriously. My RXAB always wants to sit at the bar at restaurants to eat...he does this alone, with other people from AA. That's like me thinking I can talk to my X on the phone and not get upset. Why test yourself when it isn't necessary?
That's pretty much how I feel. He told me that when he first started drinking that he would mix the NA stuff with the real stuff. Why he thinks the NA stuff isn't going to lead to real drinking is beyond me and it's one more reason why I think he's losing his mind.
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Old 05-19-2012, 08:36 AM
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Oh, and I found out today that he's shopping for handguns online. He's always been interested in guns but never bought one. I am sooooooo not comfortable with guns in this house because of how he talks of suicide sometimes. He's told me that he doesn't have the guts to do it, but you just never know.

I'm just feeling depressed and worn down today. Thank goodness I found a Saturday AM meeting. I am planning on going soon!
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Old 05-19-2012, 08:45 AM
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Oh liz, I'm so sorry. You DO have a say-so about whether or not a gun should be allowed in your home. You have a child there, for one thing, and your husband's threats of suicide is another red flag. This is just getting worse and worse.
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Old 05-19-2012, 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Oh liz, I'm so sorry. You DO have a say-so about whether or not a gun should be allowed in your home. You have a child there, for one thing, and your husband's threats of suicide is another red flag. This is just getting worse and worse.
I know that but I stumbled upon his web search when I borrowed his computer this AM. He's been threatening suicide or his demise basically since we got married so I usually don't take it seriously. I'm going to gently bring up the subject at some point this weekend and see what he says. I also noticed that he's not taking his paxil anymore either. He goes on his antidepressant, then off his antidepressant, and I wonder how that affects his emotional health. Sigh, I just don't know what the heck is going on anymore.
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