wicked

:ghug3

transformyself

I think I'm getting a handle on this trigger.

I keep reminding myself that I am leaving HIM and will be free of his toxic behaviors.

That's pulled me a bit out of the trigger.

wicked

Oh, this is excellent news transform.

No more toxic jackwads!

It is your choice to leave.
Choosing is a lovely thing.
You have chosen to get a handle on this trigger.

Really, I am so happy you are relieved of some pressure.

Beth

One of your choice friends!

24Years

Hi Transform.. I was living with my AH while in college and I had to use a lot of distraction techniques to keep myself clear thinking and focused on the end goal (getting out while keeping my sanity). When I was most frustrated, I would do something for me like pack a box that would go with when I could finally move (it was a freeing feeling despite that I was still there), or work on a list planning my eventual move and detailing what I need to take with me (or other lists such as for goal purposes or organization), or focus on my teens (check in on how they're doing, spend time with them, go on an outing, etc.) or journal a frustration (serving a dual purpose in that it could be used in court or just to remind me of why I need to keep doing what I'm doing), take a walk, etc. I don't know if this is at all helpful, but it sure helped me Keep taking care of yourself.

wicked

Well, it helped me 24 years.
I am sorry about off topic transform, but just a sec.
Making lists, and doing positive things towards financial freedom will improve my peace of mind.
Now, I am just waiting for the bankruptcy court date, waiting for it to be over!
So now, I am going to choose peace of mind by doing something concrete toward my goal.
Thank you.

Beth

TakingCharge999

Transformy, YOU Were the one who taught me that!! "I CHOOSE to get away from you, to keep MY peace of mind.." there was a similar mantra that you taught me andi t helped ME so many times when dealing with XABF!

I have had my share of envy and of humiliation and "falling short" feelings. Remember all that is our EGO. EGO is not our REal Self. Our Real Self rests with God.

No ones opinion, badmouthing, lying, matters. "No one heals himself by damaging another" as St. Ambrose I believe, said. All that trash can be disregarded. It is NOT Us.

I read Melody Beatty yesterday and am sharing the mantra :
"I am protected. I am guided."

MB recommended to have, or at least imagine, a ritual where You are blessed by the spiritual leader of your choosing. I am doing this exercise now and feel the need to cry. I have felt irrelevant so many times! time to "walk with the wolves" as we know,

PS
Sorry if you PMed me back, I have deleted some messages if you'd like to try again. PEace to you tonight, and to everyone reading this.

PPS
Sorry for my rambling post :S

:ghug3

transformyself

Beth my Darling thank you. You're so faithful and righteous. Thank you for your consistent kindness.

TC Thank you so much too. You're also an inspiration. Ego. Yep.

24 years, thank you so much for the reminders. One step after another.

This was a double melt down, for whatever reason. I found out my family took a vacation without inviting me and took it very personally. That's one of my faults, taking things personally. But it was a tough one coupled with this mess with AH.

And here's a Codie side effect I was unaware of: amnesia. I read through my old posts, and lordy when I go through this severe emotional pain it's like invasion of the body snatchers. Normally I"m so strong. But that's a place I've learned to create. I think from all the trauma from my childhood, I didn't start there. Strong that is. I think I've earned it, learned it, created it.

Sometimes it slips away and my disease makes me blind. Lies to me.

I'm so grateful for those of you who understand that. Thank you.

This has happened to me before, and it may not be a codie thing but rather a PTSD thing, but I can get so badly triggered that I "forget" how to pray or get myself out of it. I've called my sister saying, "I can't pray, I can't find the words, I only have despair."

I struggle so with anxiety overall, if I don't keep it at a manageable level I behave all sorts of crazy.

I guess that's what meetings and SR are for.

So today I'm going to shower, get the kids ready for school get to work and create my checklist. I've got back to back meetings all day so I'm glad I got this out of the way and didn't show up in my bathrobe and slippers with kleenex.

I'm still not out of the woods, just not breaking down and crying every twenty minutes.

TakingCharge999

How are you today Transformyself?

CeciliaV

Wow, I haven't read through all the stickies yet, but this one really hits home for me, too. Simple, but very very true.

I'm still living with my AH and trying to work things through with him, but I have to remind myself of this - stop the blame, stop the anger, and try to just live and move on...regardless of whether that's with him or not.

Sending you hugs!:ghug3

transformyself

I"m good TC! Check my other thread, http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-i-learn.html
the ending is good. Hugs and love to you

AND Ms. Beth