ODAT63

I see how we codies are attracted to alkies/addicts but can a codie be attracted to another codie?
I am starting to wonder if my "normie" BF is really a codie and he is attracted to my caos even thou I don't drink?
Is he really insecure and is with me because I am insecure? Is he trying to "help me" because he is a "fixer"?
How can I tell!!

dollydo

I don't have all the answers, however, if you are qustioning this relationship, I would back off and regroup. If it is mean't to be, it will happen.

FindingJoy

You sound like me with the over analyzing and questions. Sit back take a breathe and more will be revealed over time. IMHO often the questions we ask are statements in disguise. Do you feel good around him? Do you feel loved and supported? Are you having fun? Do you respect him?

These questions are more important than analyzing him.

LaTeeDa

My therapist once told me "it's not about trusting them, it's about trusting yourself."

See, after being in a relationship with an alcoholic, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking just staying away from people who drink too much is the answer to finding a healthy partner. But, there are so many people out there who aren't a good match for us, for a multitude of reasons. This is why I believe it is sooooo important to work on discovering who I really am, what I truly want in a relationship, and the tricks I play on myself to rationalize and justify doing things that my gut tells me I shouldn't do. (including who I get involved with on a romantic basis)

If I am grounded, centered, confident, and secure about myself, then I am less likely to get caught up in something unhealthy. Unhealthy people still cross my path, and might even get into my life for a little while, but my recovery enables me to see clearly whether someone belongs in my life or not. And provides me with the confidence to move on if they don't.

Only you know whether this guy belongs on your life. You can't get inside his head and discover what his motivation is, or why he is attracted to you. But, you can listen to your gut, and learn to trust it.

L

laurie6781

I have always been a 'believer' and more so since I have been sober these almost
31 years, that we ATTRACT people by our insides, not our outsides. When there
is chaos going on inside of me, I will attract folks that I normally would not want
around me (toxic folks).

So as LTD said, I have to be 'right with me' in order to attract other 'healthy' folks.

Hard lesson to learn, but well worth it.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

ODAT63

Fear? attention? insecurity since I just came out of my 17 years marriage? to proof to myself and AXH that I am likeable and wanted? Company? he is cute and fun to be with. He is not an alkie or addict (that I know of).
I am going to talk to him tomorrow (face to face) that I need to back off a little in the relationship and "regroup" like Dollydoll said, I feel I need my space right now, also I am seeing my T next week.
I do feel respected by him, loved and care for, I do have a lot of fun with him, I did trust him but recently there have been a couple of "little things" I do not like that he has lie about that are making me wonder.
He is very helpful and just about everything I wanted my XAH to be.
Maybe I am over rationalizing him too much after all BF is human, I don't know for sure, I think bottom line I do need to back off a little.