stepsforward

I know no one can tell me when, but somedays I still look for lies like I would like to catch the lie before the lie catches me. My RAH is doing everything that shows he is in recovery but some days I just look for lies. Does anyone else still do this and what do you do when you do? I am doing Zumba 4 days a week, read on codie and alcoholism everyday, done alanon. I know I am the only one can change things but just want to scream today and nothing is happening.

lizatola

I do the same things. But, I have to remind myself that it's 'progress, not perfection'. Recovery takes time, for all of us, and you have to be patient with yourself. Awareness is key. If you are aware of what it is you are doing and why you are doing it, then you can take the right steps to either do it differently or not. Believe me, I still sit here and wait for the other shoe to drop and listen to lies and wonder when I will stop expecting them. I think just being aware is so important to me, because it makes me realize that I am growing and changing. I don't know that I could have said that 15 months ago.

bonami

Broken trust can take a long time to repair, whether the person is an A or not, I think. I would continue to watch his actions, since he will have to earn your trust back; but, as lizatola says, it's "progress, not perfection." Recovery is a very slow process, he is not going to change overnight,. Zumba sounds like a great and fun!! way to focus your energy on yourself rather than worrying about what you think your RAH may or may not do. Stay strong!

XXXXXXXXXX

Are you still finding lies?

I once told my XABF that I would stop looking when I stopped finding. Truth is most of the time I wasn't looking, thing would just pop out at me. Alcoholics are not good at hiding things or keeping their own secrets.

Bank card purchases, receipts for alcohol when he said he was not drinking, write ups from work, It was almost like he wanted to get caught. Sometimes my inner codie would actively search for these things, and sometimes they would just hit me in the face.

I would advise you to not obsess or worry and not to actively look, but he is the one with something to prove. It's actions that matter and not words. It is smart to protect yourself a little and look to see if his actions are matching his words.

stepsforward

No I'm not still finding lies but I am looking for them I tell other people give yourself time. Maybe I should do the same. Time will tell I guess

SoaringSpirits

As my father always says, "Trust, but verify."

NYCDoglvr

I don't know how long your husband has been in recovery. If it's under a year, understand that when half of a couple gets sober and in recovery the relationship undergoes a major shift. This isn't really about your husband's honesty I don't think. You're probably trying to get used to a new relationship. It's hard, you don't know the new perimeters and boundaries.

Time takes time. The more you can shift your thinking to yourself and your own recovery, the less his issues will affect you.

webber1

Trust once broken is very hard to get back.. especially with A ah partner

ID be interested to see peoples view on when yr Ah partnere relapses twice in a week after spending 14 weeks in a 25k Rehab facility after 5 months.

Just a merry go round of disappointment..

stepsforward

Webber1 - That is the way my life was in 2008. Life is pretty peaceful now. Hugs your way hopefully you make it in recovery even if your A doesnt.
NYCDog - I think you might be right. Somedays I have to work on the ME thing.

choublak

Looking for lies, regardless of whether they are there or not, doesn't change what is. All it does is take up your time.