changeschoices

It's been a month since I made AX leave. Two weeks prior, after a really awful binge, I told him "me or the booze", and within two weeks, he chose the booze.

Things are a lot calmer in my life now. He was abusive when he drank, and often when he didn't. He owes me a lot of money and refused to pay me back even though he was living with me. Our relationship was becoming extremely strained because I was miserable, and he was clearly preoccupied with drinking and irritable between benders.

I'm supposed to be starting a new job in a few weeks, one that I am really excited about. I sold my too-big house yesterday and put an offer on something really cute and manageable for me and my kids today. I have several men calling me, wanting to date. I've been social and happy and although a bit stressed about all that's going on in my life, definitely not depressed or sitting around crying.

So why, today, all of a sudden, am I filled with longing for him, missing him terribly, and wishing (totally unrealistically) that he will magically decide to quit drinking and be with me?

Maybe because it's the month mark, the bad memories are fading and I'm remembering all of the good things about the relationship. And there were many. It sucks. I thought I was making progress, now I am fighting the urge to call him. Why?!

ODAT63

It has been only a month!!, I think I was at my worst for 6 months, cravings are horrible. I totally understand you.
I gave up to my craving recently so I am not good example but I just wanted to let you know I will pray for you.

LifeRecovery

Wow...some of those time periods are early close to when I was the most nuts.

Just wow.

Thanks Anvilhead.

MsPINKAcres

((CC))

Congrats on all the wonderful changes in your life ~ sounds like you have made some great choices to make your life better!

I know for ME ~ when I have made several changes as you have recently ~ I tend to feel a little overwhelmed and begin to want to go back to something that "Feels familiar" ~ you are going to have a new job, new house, and now the possibility of no partner or since you have been asked out ~ maybe the possibility of a new partner ~ that's a LOT to adjust to ~

Sometimes I felt like I didn't really like my crazy life, but at least it felt comfortable ~ but thru working my own recovery program I learn comfortable wasn't enough for me ~ I wanted more ~

I would like to encourage you to hang in there ~ keep working on you, keep remembering how safe and serene life is without the drama of your ex ab and how much you are worthy of a healthier relationship!

and as always - keep coming to SR for support - this place is great for love & support!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

changeschoices

Thank you all for the support. I feel even worse today, but I know it'll get better. When these feelings come up, it feels like I have not made any progress at all, but I know that isn't true. It sucks to be back in a place where I am back on autopilot, just getting through each day. I've got to keep having faith.

LifeRecovery

Some of my worst emotions/days have come up since everything came to a head.

For me I was FEELING for the first time, but did not have a space or know how to deal with them. Having them for me was a big deal, but then coping with them was even more challenging. The only way I was going to learn to deal with them was feeling them....it was a huge mess.

In addition I had spent so many years stuffing them down that they had fermented and expanded, making them even harder to deal with.

Thelma

I think no matter if we have gotten out, are planning on getting out or just waiting to be able to get out, anything that occurs in our lives that can be considered major (buying and selling a house that was shared with A) creates a kind of nostalgia.
"so & so would love this place" "what would it be like if we were here togther" Shoulda coulda woulda....
Congrats in your new endevor. Stay strong. Remember we're here for you.

SoaringSpirits

Congratulations on being brave and making the changes needed to protect yourself and your kids.

I had a similar experience, once my AH was out of the house and the pain and reality of his drinking not a daily thing for me, I felt such longing for him at times. It's normal grieving and you are very normal for feeling this way. I think this is the part where we have to really stay in our heads and use our rational minds and NOT be tempted by our hearts, which don't always think too clearly.

Hang in there and let yourself grieve the loss of your husband and marriage. It's like a death and it's very painful, no matter how it ends.

NYCDoglvr

Neither can I believe it's only one month -- you're doing so well, taking so many positive steps. This is a craving like ones addicts have for alcohol, drugs, nicotine. The good news is it passes and will reoccur from time to time but less frequently as time goes on.