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As far as no contact goes....

Old 05-15-2012, 01:01 PM
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As far as no contact goes....

I have asked for no contact, and I have it for the most part. I have blocks on my phone and email.

Problem is that AT&T can't block texts because he sends them over the data system. I have job applications out that have my phone number on them and in my current job this is on my business cards. I really can't change my number right now. I still get texts. And when he's on a good binge, there are hundreds of them some days.

I don't respond. EVER. I have found that saying the least little thing back, including telling him that I don't read the texts and I want him to stop sending them, it makes it worse. They usually start out civil and somewhat nice and then get downright ugly as a binge continues. I have been guilty of forwarding the bad ones to his parents, and asking them to tell him to stop, but I never personally respond.


He also calls my work and leaves messages that I need to call him, "tell her it's really important." and "tell her I really need to talk to her about something urgent". The secretary here knows better and always says I'm not here.

Although I blocked him from email, he makes new accounts and sends email anyway. He has also called from other numbers, and I just don't pick up numbers that I don't know. There have been facebook requests for people I didn't know that had 0 friends and had just registered.

He was at my daughter (11)'s bus stop one day a month ago when she got off the bus. He tried to talk to her and she politely told him she had to go home. Other kids walk with her the short distance to my parents house and he left when she wouldn't talk to him. He has also shown up at other places where he knows I will be.

It has been a year since I left and moved back to the state where we are both from. I had no idea that he would also pack up and move within miles of me. I have felt very safe living with my parents for the last year, but it is definately time for me and my daughter to have our own home again.

And the good news is.......I bought a house and we are moving in June 1!!!!!!!!!


So I'm nervous about not having the extra protection of living with a dad (card carrying NRA member) lol. I wonder if it is possible to get a restraining order. I have thousands of angry texts, but would that be enough for a harassment charge or a restraining order? Does there need to be a bad incident to get one, or will my documented annoying texts and emails be enough reason to get one?
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Old 05-15-2012, 01:07 PM
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And the good news is.......I bought a house and we are moving in June 1!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and your daughter! :ghug3

Can you contact an attorney and ask about the RO? They are different depending on the state.
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Old 05-15-2012, 01:12 PM
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You are right. He also makes threats that I could never get a RO because his uncle is a magistrate judge in the county we live in. Actually I think that might work in my advantage.

He sent a text once that said "you think you can get a m.f. restraining order? Don't you know who my uncle is?"

Could you imagine if I presented that in court?
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Old 05-15-2012, 01:14 PM
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Do it! Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants for him?!? LOL!!!
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Old 05-15-2012, 01:17 PM
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Oh, stars, he is persistent, and harrassing, and stalking....do you have anti-stalking laws in your state?

I would definitely take all of this to an attorney and ask about the possibility of a restraining order. Especially since he has approached your daughter! Yikes!!

Stay safe and congratulations on the new house! That is wonderful news!!
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Old 05-15-2012, 02:33 PM
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Congrats! You are going to love living in your own little house with your own stable, serene family life!



Now go talk to an attorney or someone in your state justice department. Harassment is harassment.
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Old 05-16-2012, 08:49 AM
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If you have an iPhone, and he's sending them over iMessage, you can turn the imessages off in your settings, then the smart limits or whatever yt7ou're using would work to block his texts, as if the imessaging is turned off, his messages will come through as texts and not over the data as an imessage. (let me know if you have other questions about that type of thing, I work in cust care for AT&T)
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Old 05-16-2012, 08:57 AM
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I'm so happy for you, a place of your own for you and your daughter.

Too bad all the energy the A puts into harassing us isn't put into an effort of recovery!
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Old 05-16-2012, 12:58 PM
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What you describe is harassment. He is interfering with your livelihood. Yes, a restraining order will improve your life immensely.
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Old 05-18-2012, 01:29 AM
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I'm in the process myself of doing this. Keep us in the loop xxxxxx... and may you be very happy in your new home! Hugs!
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:22 AM
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Very busy working and getting ready for my move! I have some furnature in storage, and am getting the rest together. It is so nice and peaceful. I have gotten a few texts in the past few days, and completely ignored them.

Yesterday he called my office three times, secretary told him I was out, then while she was on break another girl answered and said I was busy, so he knew I was there. The third call, I decided to answer.

I told him that I don't want to talk. I listened briefly to the quacking of how he has not had a drink in 5 days now (somehow he feels 5 days should be enough for me to be running back?). He is upset because I ignore him. He is trying. He wants to choose to have a life with me. I won't give him a chance.......on and on.

I simply told him that everything he says are just words, it's actions that matter. While I am happy to hear that he has not had a drink in 5 days, he also is not in any sort of program. He quacks that he can't afford treatment. AA meets twice weekly in this town, and there is a separate "celebrate recovery" meeting. He is not seeing a doctor or therapist. He is enjoying his unemployment (Making nearly as much as I make dragging myself to work every day) and not looking for a job. Nothing has changed.
I asked him to stop calling my work, that I would not answer and to stop with the texts, calls from unblocked numbers, showing up places, etc.

He begged for me to take my phone off of block, to meet with him, to help him.

I have been drained mentally, financially, and spiritually. While it pains me to be this detached, it must be.

I have also not mentioned my move. I'm sure that someone would tell him, or he will see that my car is no longer at my parents and it angers me that something which I'm so excited about and should be celebrating, I am reluctant to even mention to others. I have not mentioned it on facebook or to his family.

Turns out the girl who is moving out has a cat that she was trying to give away. I had told my daughter that she could get a kitten once we moved, but when I showed her pics of this cat, she decided to keep this one, which is kinda nice because she is already spayed, has shots, and is used to living in the house and is out of the baby kitty stage where they like to tear things up. We have a kitty!!!!!

We are also within sight of my sisters house and her POOL. Someone pass me some sunscreen, good times are coming.
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