Please Help

Old 05-15-2012, 08:19 AM
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Please Help

Hello,

I haven't posted in a while. My AH left me in November for another woman. I did not do so well at first, but now I'm finally getting back on my feet but he will not leave me alone. He still controls and manipulates and I fall into the same hell because I am scared of him. We have an eight year old and she's scared of him too. I have to hide everything I do and he still wants to know. Over this past weekend there was an incident that I had a friends truck parked in the driveway. We were just going to dinner. Well he stopped by the house while I was away to drop off a Mother's Day gift because he had my daughter with him. All hell broke loose, he called me, demanded to know whose truck was in his driveway, etc. The neighbor had her camera out ready to snap pictures because he said he was going to smash it. He has severe anger problems.

To make a long story short, and it is a terrible story of emotional abuse, he calmed down and is so sorry, blah blah blah! I had to say anything to calm him down. He had taken my daughter to her my mother's before all this blew up. She did hear him say he would smash the truck :-( How do you break away from the insanity. He gave up his right to tell me how to live my life!!! My friends and family are very upset with me because I haven't just completely written him off. I have a retainer paid to an attorney, but he said he will make my life a living hell if I proceed right now. He wants his cake and eat it too! He sees now that the grass isn't greener on the other side!

Please, if you have any words of wisdom, I sure would appreciate it.

Thank you,
Worriedwife2
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:25 AM
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Wow, I'd be worried too, have you ever put a restraining order on him., you use the works afraid, fear, out of control etc...those are all sign posts, things could get worse, please do something to keep yourself and your child safe and don't wait. there is help out there, please seek help from someone in your area. this is a terrible way to have to live. i feel for you and your child..all my blessings m
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:34 AM
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Call DCYF. He is threatening violence in front of your daughter. That's not okay. And I second the suggestion about a restraining order. And let your lawyer deal with his threats and proceed. Given his public demonstrations of anger and the witnesses you have to his behavior I think you'd have a strong case for primary custody of your daughter which would be in her best interest.
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:35 AM
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I agree with Mavis. Protect yourself and your child. It sounds, from what you have described in your post, that this man is dangerous and unpredictable.

Do you have support in your community? Domestic violence hotline? Shelter?
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:39 AM
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Thank you for your replies, it's just getting the courage up to do all of this He is such a big bully! He has these outbursts and then is pathetically sorry!
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Old 05-15-2012, 09:33 AM
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YOu need support, dcyf, a domestic violience counselor, go stay with your family for awhile til you come up with a game plan. He doesn't have a right to his child if she is afraid of him.
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Old 05-15-2012, 09:54 AM
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I have to agree with everyone else. Get a restraining order and get a lawyer. He will continue to do this, especially since you are doing nothing to stop it.

Living in fear is no way to live. Do what you have to do to take care of you and your daughter.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:34 AM
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Abusers typically view their prey like any other inanimate property that they own, such as a car or a bike or a pair of shoes.

It's not uncommon for their violence to quickly turn to callously harming the children as a way to inflict pain and suffering on the other parent. Our children depend on us to keep them safe.

A free DV advocate will help you do what is needed to ensure your daughter's (and your) safety.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:39 AM
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((WW2))

Hate so much you are in this scary situation ~ Let me encourage you to seek legal counsel to see what your rights are in your home state as each is different ~ there are resources available to us, we just have to reach out for help.

Remember not only are you helping yourself & your daughter now, but you are also teaching her a valuable lesson in what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in a partner ~ Although she may be young now - she won't be forever and she will remember this when she reaches the age to start looking for a partner ~ Teaching her that love and relationships are not about fear, manipulation, scare tactics and abuse is a great lesson in helping her to make healthy choices for her future ~

Wishing you the very best as you embark on the journey to make a new healthy life for you & your daughter
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:39 AM
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Thank you everyone. I really think his problem is that he's just a self centered, narcissist that cannot deal with me having a life. He has never followed through on any of his threats. He's a manipulating bully and I'm just trying to figure out how I can stop myself from falling into his manipulation. If he ever got close to us in any physical way, I'd be on the phone to 911 so fast! It's his verbal crap that I can't handle.

Thanks again for all the replies. You guys have helped me through so much. I don't post a lot, but I read every day
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Old 05-15-2012, 11:59 AM
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You're absolutely right Anvil!!!!!!!!
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