Psychopath
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
My apologies...
...I could have been more gentle.
However, I stand by what I said not as a way to control you, but as a suggestion for you to consider that I believe will help you, and also as a boundary for me in that I didn't wish to be included in what you were saying, and I am a part of this community-- part of the "we."
And, often, boundaries can feel like efforts to control when others are setting them. You don't have to do anything I suggest or say, obviously, but as somebody who cares about you in that you are a fellow traveler when I have something to share that I think could help I'll likely share it. And, of course, I've never met a woman that would do what I say anyway (including my wife and daughter-- or should I say especially). You aren't the first, and definitely won't be the last.
I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and if I'm not yours I encourage you to put me on your ignore list (seriously, I'm not being sarcastic or pithy). It's a valuable tool and I use it often.
Again, my apologies. I've many years with an alcoholic wife (now in recovery), a ton of experince, a little strength, and hope on a good day but empathize greatly with others who have alcoholic spouses. Being here is one of the ways I practice Tradition Eight.
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. Your response reminds me of the time that Getting By ripped me a new one. Tuffgirl straightens me out every once in awhile too. It's awesome!
However, I stand by what I said not as a way to control you, but as a suggestion for you to consider that I believe will help you, and also as a boundary for me in that I didn't wish to be included in what you were saying, and I am a part of this community-- part of the "we."
And, often, boundaries can feel like efforts to control when others are setting them. You don't have to do anything I suggest or say, obviously, but as somebody who cares about you in that you are a fellow traveler when I have something to share that I think could help I'll likely share it. And, of course, I've never met a woman that would do what I say anyway (including my wife and daughter-- or should I say especially). You aren't the first, and definitely won't be the last.
I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and if I'm not yours I encourage you to put me on your ignore list (seriously, I'm not being sarcastic or pithy). It's a valuable tool and I use it often.
Again, my apologies. I've many years with an alcoholic wife (now in recovery), a ton of experince, a little strength, and hope on a good day but empathize greatly with others who have alcoholic spouses. Being here is one of the ways I practice Tradition Eight.
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. Your response reminds me of the time that Getting By ripped me a new one. Tuffgirl straightens me out every once in awhile too. It's awesome!
Originally Posted by chronsweet 
I disagree about ME not being on MY side of the fence. I am here to get support from others in the same situation. I don't think anyone here could say they haven't tried to figure out how the alcoholic in their life has affected them. The reason this forum exists is so each one of us can either offer ES&H or are looking for ES&H. To call me out on using the word WE in such an insulting manner really is offending.
And your suggesting to me how I should and should not make use of the word WE is just a little bit controlling IMO. I can do or say what I like, people throughout the history of time have made observations just like the simple observation that I made.
And your suggesting to me how I should and should not make use of the word WE is just a little bit controlling IMO. I can do or say what I like, people throughout the history of time have made observations just like the simple observation that I made.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
Cyranoak - you often have consoled me. I understand after reading and getting other responses about the WE thing. Sometimes while typing it is truly hard to elucidate exactly what I am thinking in this complex brain of mine. I am already trying to figure out what the heck is going on in my own head. People have their own perspective on many topics, I get that.
I am already on thin ice with my emotions. I get blamed for everything that happens when I haven't even been within 10 yards of the matter and so your reply along with windmills just made me feel like again, I was being blamed. Maybe a little bit of a hot button for me at this time in my life? Probably so.
Thanks for replying back though, it is appreciated and I don't think I need to hit that ignore button ... yet
j/k j/k
I am already on thin ice with my emotions. I get blamed for everything that happens when I haven't even been within 10 yards of the matter and so your reply along with windmills just made me feel like again, I was being blamed. Maybe a little bit of a hot button for me at this time in my life? Probably so.
Thanks for replying back though, it is appreciated and I don't think I need to hit that ignore button ... yet
j/k j/k
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I got alot better after I started seeing things as they really were and not how I wanted them to be. I didn't see the things he did were dealbreakers until I was in Alanon awhile and people showed me what healthy boundaries were. It is not ok for him to wreck the car and tell the insurance company you (me) did it ! I was like a deer in the headlights and didn't know how "f-----" up I was from living in an abusive addicted, controlling, manipulative relationship. I bearly got out with my sanity. My Alanon sponser told me I was addicted to him and needed to run away from him like he was my drug. I did and I am happy now.
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