Amy27

Hey guys and gals! My name is Amy and I have been married to my addicted husband for seven years (together nine). Like many of you, I was unaware that there was addiction problems. During our time together he has cycled through alcoholism, replaced it with meth, and then replaced meth with alcohol.

Needless to say, I am no longer the country bumpkin I once was. I am most certainly traumatized by what has happened between us, but have managed to stay somewhat sane in the process.

Michael (my husband) entered rehab on May 8 for a 21 day stay. This is mega exciting because I never believed the day would come. I love when he calls and tells me he is enjoying the program, and shares with me insights of his day.

I have to work on my recovery so I am going to go to al anon tomorrow and see what happens.

I am quite nervous about how things will be when he gets out of rehab and I am scared that I will slow down the process or he will see me for who I am and not want anything to do with me.

I'm interested in learning tips that have helped you heal from the trauma and become more positive and focus on the recovery process for yourself and what you had to change or do to support the recovery of your addict.

thanks for your help!

chronsweet

My advice would be to embrace you for who you are. We are all imperfect human beings. I am sure you are a nice person, obviously you supported a sick person (however unhealthy that was for you) for a long time. He should encourage you to become stronger and not feel like you need to take care of him.

Only time will tell but I wish you well on your journey.

LifeRecovery

My loved one did not get recovery.

Either way the best thing I could do for both of us and our relationship was to get recovery for myself.

Al-anon helped, learning about addiction and codependency, learning that self-care is not selfish were all really helpful.

I did therapy (individual and couples) and a lot of reading.

Welcome, and I am sorry that you are here, but glad you found this forum.

EnglishGarden

Welcome, Amy.

We don't have to go straight to "positive" when an addict starts recovery, so try to lower any expectations you have for how you should be or feel around him. Your post has an undercurrent of anxiety that maybe you won't put on the right face or the right personality he "needs", and that that may cause him to be unhappy and either leave you or relapse or both.

And that is our trap. So take care with all that and try not to get trapped into the codependent dance around trying to control how the addict feels or what he might do. As you said, you have been traumatized, and you have legitimate fear and anxiety as a RESULT of living with a DRUG ADDICT. Meth is a terrifying drug. It creates terror in those who have contact with the addict. So it is YOU who needs serious help, not just him. You do not have to be anything for him. You most certainly do not have to be his cheerleader. You do not have to be perky or up or stroke his ego or try to talk him out of a mood. You have been deeply hurt, and that needs your attention.

If you can afford a counselor who specializes in codependency, then please sign on right away. You have a lot of work ahead. And I'm so glad you'll go to Al-Anon. If that group isn't a fit, find another. You need support.