tomsteve

i am that AH, only in a different body and sober today. sorry to see ya goin through this, but also grateful for ya posting it so i can remember what i used to be like.
when i was a practicing alcoholic/addict, of course i looked at my girlfriends( and everyine else) and pointed out their character defects! i was perfect and NEVER told a lie! if they would have just did what I wanted them to do, then OUR lives would be excellent! yeah, i was quite sick. an egomaniac with low self esteem.
the best moves they ever made was to throw me out of their lives.(IMO)

EmmyG

Thanks for all of the insight. I felt so psychologically attacked last night. It was almost worse than being hit. I feel like I was totally manipulated into giving him more information when his whole point was to humiliate and weaken me. I know I did nothing wrong to him. Maybe he's afraid of the strength I'm showing and he knows that I won't come home until he gets help, so this is his way of breaking me down and making our breakup my fault. But I don't want him back. That someone who claims to love me could make me feel this way
is unreal and it shows a complete lack of real love. I could never do this to him even after all he's done to me. He made me feel low last night and unworthy and dirty and that's with me knowing I have never cheated. It's scary that he can control me that way and it makes him a very sick and dangerous person. Being away is the BEST thing I can do. I'm starting to see that all of the "good" times are an illusion.

EmmyG

If I needed further proof that last night was just a reason to make me feel horrible, this is the text I just got from him:

"I will see a therapist with you. I care for you too much not to. *Make appointment for Weds 23, Thursday 24 or Friday 25."

Wow. So last night, he was feeling self-hatred and decided to terrorize me psychologically and now he wants me to forget about it. No more! This is insane. This isn't love. Not at all. Not responding.

wicked

Emmy,
It made me feel bad, and I don't even know him! But I do know the type. I hope he finds another project to focus and project his self loathing on. <shudder>
Ten days ago, it was all different, now you are an "unpure" liar.
He is a real poopoo head. And, he has poopoo for brains.
I will pray he has as little influence on your children as possible.

Beth

Zoenob

Yes Master! If he cares so much let him make the appointment. Pfft. Make appointment for Weds 23, Thursday 24 or Friday 25 for YOU all by yourself!

wanttobehealthy

You are smart to not respond. My skin crawls reading his texts. He sounds so so so simmilar to my AH. When he finds he can't manipulate you with anger and blame he will try the control via pseudo kindness/patrionizing a la that text. And when that doesn't get him his way he will go back to angry/blaming.

If I were you maybe I'd text at some point to state that you will communicate with him about your kids and that's it. Or you can skip saying that and he'll figure it out on his own.

So sorry you're having to deal with his nonsense...

tomsteve

my dear Lord, that WAS me at one time!!! he is a very sick man.
i am glad to see you will stop contact with him. however, let me share a lil something from my experience. even though you may say it's over, he wont, and how long it will take to get from his head to his heart,wellllll, for his own sake i hope it is quicker than it was for me. i even had a restraining order put on me once. i can see now it was the right thing for her to do. i was insane.

CanfixONLYme

Best thing I told my ex-ah was to F*CK OFF and hang up the phone. - Sorry you're going thru this crap

PLM

They must all have a narcistic addict user manual. That story made my physically shake it sounded so much like my soon to be ex-husband. The man cheated on me for years, mostly on-line but in the end physically as well...but he would never let go of an imaginary glance i gave a guy at a bar once. Seriously, he'd call me a liar and ***** because he thought i was looking at someone in a bar (i wasn't). for years he brought it up. The farther you get away from the chaos the more apparent it becomes that his words mean absolutely nothing. he's talking to a mirror, not you. and there is nothing to do except save yourself.

EnglishGarden

"I care for you too much not to."

Translated: "I am so superior to you and I have taken pity on you and am going to take you to a therapist myself so he can fix you. "

Emmy, have you ever heard the term "gaslighting?" If you google it, you'll see this is what he's doing.