dead inside

Old 05-13-2012, 09:12 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
dead inside

Here I am on Mothers Day laying with our 4year old sick daughter while my AH is nowhere...he took off Friday. My 13 year old is already asleep and he tried to fill the shoes of my missing AH, trying to give me the best Mothers Day possible. I am so angry that I have been nothing but a supportive wife and my AH always runs away. He was sober for 8 mos but never really worked his intensive outpatient. He hasn't even completed step 1. He's selfish and is dragging our 3 kids through his BS. I am more of a fool for allowing it. I am embarassed to have had faith in someone that shows me no remorse or respect. He is not a good person. I have to remember this post when he eventually crawls back...always does. I have to get off this ride.
sweetteewalls is offline  
Old 05-13-2012, 09:41 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
lizatola's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Sending you lots of support tonight! I have a 13 year old, too, and unfortunately he was witness to my meltdown today when I confronted AH about his abusive behavior lately. NOT fun. It really sucks when our kids suffer through this with us.
lizatola is offline  
Old 05-13-2012, 09:54 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Blog Entries: 1
So sorry sweettee.

It sounds like you have an amazing 13 year old son. Hugs to the little one, hope she is on the road to recovery.

Keep the focus on you and the kids, the AH is going to do what alkie's do.

I often wondered if it's the disease that makes them so selfish, or is this part of who they really are.

I read on these boards " Often we give to much credit to addiction" That really hit home for me, got me thinking, and I realized he was a selfish and self centered long before alcoholism took over his world.

Sending you support. You are not alone.
marie1960 is offline  
Old 05-14-2012, 01:09 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Taking5's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,069
Originally Posted by sweetteewalls
I have to remember this post when he eventually crawls back...always does.
So he has done this disappearing act before? And yet you say he has been sober for 8 months? Did I get that right?
Taking5 is offline  
Old 05-14-2012, 05:10 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
dollydo's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Why do you keep taking him back? Your children deserve so much better of a life than to be continually exposed to the antics of an addict. They will carry their childhood into adulthood, he is not the only one dragging the children through this are you, by allowing it to continue.
dollydo is offline  
Old 05-14-2012, 05:51 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
He moves out, says he can't handle sober life and I don't have patience to deal with someone in recovery..blah blah blah. I always ratonalized behavior because I understand the road to sobriety is not a straight line. I cannot take it anymore. Kids deserve more.
sweetteewalls is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to sweetteewalls For This Useful Post:
dollydo (05-14-2012)
Old 05-14-2012, 06:05 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Don't give him a place to crash anymore. It sounds like that's all he's really doing when he comes home--crashing in his comfort zone while not being a real partner or parent at all. And heaping some blame on you while he's at it so he can justify his drinking.

Why do these alcoholics think they are such gems? Why do we encourage them to think this way by taking them back?

When my AX went to rehab last year and got "sober", he was a total monster to me--beyond selfish and demanding, treating me horribly. When I tried to tell him that I felt used and exhausted, he fed me all the "I'm in recovery, so it's all about me" B.S. I get that recovery is intense, but it's no excuse to treat other people like [email protected] I do not agree that people in recovery are supposed to be selfish to the point of abuse. To me, that is not someone in recovery at all.
changeschoices is offline  
Old 05-14-2012, 07:08 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
I agree changes. He is harder to deal with in recovery than ever. I have been torn down and allowed it because I thought we'd get somewhere better once he got better. Truth is, only getting worse. I just dropped my kids off and am balling...can't believe this is my life.
sweetteewalls is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:13 AM.