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Old 05-13-2012, 09:12 PM
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dead inside

Here I am on Mothers Day laying with our 4year old sick daughter while my AH is nowhere...he took off Friday. My 13 year old is already asleep and he tried to fill the shoes of my missing AH, trying to give me the best Mothers Day possible. I am so angry that I have been nothing but a supportive wife and my AH always runs away. He was sober for 8 mos but never really worked his intensive outpatient. He hasn't even completed step 1. He's selfish and is dragging our 3 kids through his BS. I am more of a fool for allowing it. I am embarassed to have had faith in someone that shows me no remorse or respect. He is not a good person. I have to remember this post when he eventually crawls back...always does. I have to get off this ride.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:41 PM
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Sending you lots of support tonight! I have a 13 year old, too, and unfortunately he was witness to my meltdown today when I confronted AH about his abusive behavior lately. NOT fun. It really sucks when our kids suffer through this with us.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:54 PM
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So sorry sweettee.

It sounds like you have an amazing 13 year old son. Hugs to the little one, hope she is on the road to recovery.

Keep the focus on you and the kids, the AH is going to do what alkie's do.

I often wondered if it's the disease that makes them so selfish, or is this part of who they really are.

I read on these boards " Often we give to much credit to addiction" That really hit home for me, got me thinking, and I realized he was a selfish and self centered long before alcoholism took over his world.

Sending you support. You are not alone.
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Old 05-14-2012, 01:09 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetteewalls
I have to remember this post when he eventually crawls back...always does.
So he has done this disappearing act before? And yet you say he has been sober for 8 months? Did I get that right?
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Old 05-14-2012, 05:10 AM
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Why do you keep taking him back? Your children deserve so much better of a life than to be continually exposed to the antics of an addict. They will carry their childhood into adulthood, he is not the only one dragging the children through this childhood...so are you, by allowing it to continue.
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Old 05-14-2012, 05:51 AM
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He moves out, says he can't handle sober life and I don't have patience to deal with someone in recovery..blah blah blah. I always ratonalized behavior because I understand the road to sobriety is not a straight line. I cannot take it anymore. Kids deserve more.
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Old 05-14-2012, 06:05 AM
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Don't give him a place to crash anymore. It sounds like that's all he's really doing when he comes home--crashing in his comfort zone while not being a real partner or parent at all. And heaping some blame on you while he's at it so he can justify his drinking.

Why do these alcoholics think they are such gems? Why do we encourage them to think this way by taking them back?

When my AX went to rehab last year and got "sober", he was a total monster to me--beyond selfish and demanding, treating me horribly. When I tried to tell him that I felt used and exhausted, he fed me all the "I'm in recovery, so it's all about me" B.S. I get that recovery is intense, but it's no excuse to treat other people like [email protected] I do not agree that people in recovery are supposed to be selfish to the point of abuse. To me, that is not someone in recovery at all.
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:08 AM
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I agree changes. He is harder to deal with in recovery than ever. I have been torn down and allowed it because I thought we'd get somewhere better once he got better. Truth is, only getting worse. I just dropped my kids off and am balling...can't believe this is my life.
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