Fudge: I blew my serenity
 

Yes, that fudge up there represents something else, LOL!

I blew it. If you read my other post I was really working on keeping my serenity despite his bullying and passive aggressive behavior. Well, he was acting like a stupid teenager at the movie theater today.

He had to get a refund at the ticket office and left me and our son waiting for him. Well, I realized he had the tickets and I wanted to be nice and wait for him so I started heading his way. He starts flapping his arms at me, yelling at me to just go, acting like a freaking fool and the closer I got to him the worse his behavior. Anyway, after the move I freaked out on him in the car. I threw it all at him: the bird story, the dog story from this AM, the driving issues, and the movie theater.

Long story short; I didn't get anywhere except to make myself look like a super sensitive fool and just get into an angry fight. He is hiding in his office now because 'he's the bad guy' and he can't communicate with me because I'm too sensitive. UGH!

Then, I had to stupidity to actually apologize for being too sensitive and for taking things too personal. He got mad again and said, "What are you so sorry for? Stop walking around being sorry." I swear, I can't even be sorry without him telling me how to act. I'm thinking of scheduling us for marriage counseling, but I'm not even sure if it's worth it. I honestly don't see him changing any time soon so I have a choice to make: either I learn to live with bullying and passive aggressive behavior or I make a break. Right now, though, I'm not ready to leave. I really don't have plan A in place, let alone a back up plan B. I need to just focus on me, keep going to meetings and therapy, and let him wallow in his pathetic attitude and crap.

I do the same thing. He pulls that passive-aggressive stuff, I eventually explode out of frustration, then get told I am too sensitive. Then I end up apologizing and hating myself for it. It's got nothing to do with us, it's their own self-loathing and misery.

Yeah, I get told I am too sensitive or just crazy. I personally don't think marriage counseling will work with anyone unless they are sober. Maybe therapy for yourself?

Yeah, I'm in therapy and he is technically sober. He's dry but he was dry for the first 15 years of our marriage and we had all these issues then, too. This is nothing new. And, I'm not sure that marriage counseling will work anyway but I can at least try.

I recorded the conversation and will take it to my therapist this week. You know, at one point in the conversation we were talking about Adam and Eve. He claimed that they were stupid and basically it let to the point where he says all people are stupid. So, I said, "So, that means that you're stupid, too, right?" To which he said, "No, I'm not stupid. I try very hard to not doing anything stupid." LOL, this was coming from a guy who has driven on a suspended license and is getting sentenced for a DUI this week. Nope, he doesn't do anything stupid. None of the stuff he did leading up to the DUI was stupid either. His ego is so big and I just sat there fascinated. I truly believe he has narcissistic personality disorder. I mean, who else would ever have the nerve to say that they are devoid of stupidity? We all do stupid stuff sometimes, it's what makes us human.