smurfio

I dont know where to start my husband and I have been together almost 9 years in that time he's probably hit me 9 times (though he would swear blind it's not that many)

Now 2 years ago it all came to a head he came home drunk, and punched me when I was 7 months pregnant I phoned the police and he was arrested not before telling them "you dont understand violence is the only thing she understands" OMG just writing this down makes m realise how awful it really was. We split for 8 months and when we got back together things had changed.

Then 2 months ago he took himself off for 2 days and I told him it was the drink or me.

Now for 5 week he stayed off it, then it turned to the guilt trip I know if I have a drink you'll have a go at me, and come on how often does that happen! so he had a drink 1 night then the following week it was another 1 night then its 2 nights this week and its a bottle of 13% wine and 2 big bottles of beer! on Thurs when he was drinking he started getting arsy telling me I had an attitude so I went to bed. Then tonight he went out and got the same, I told him I wasnt going to tolerate it and he said it was just me trying to control him. (a load of crap) I told him no I just wasnt getting punched in the face again to which I got that was 2 years ago! (again we were split for 8/9 months) and our son died in between.

He just doesn't understand that he can turn into a real a~~ when he drinks and no its not everytime but why should I be having to go to bed early or in the middle of a film because he starts giving attitude then blaming me for it! (funny the attitude hasn't been there when he's not drinking)

I have had his friends phone me when he's drinking to get me to calm him down because he's about to start a fight but he's be that wasted he doesnt even realise hes taking on he phone, or 2 mins later he'll phone because he doesn't even remember talking to me.

9 times out of 10 when he's sitting in the house drinking there are no problems. 7 times out of 10 when we go out there are no problems and 6 times out of 10 when he goes out with his friends there are no problems.

What he doesn't understand is the times there are problems (and its not just me who has said about it!) sometimes I do feel silly telling him to stop drinking because most of the time there are no problems but I really hate sitting every night waiting for the problem to start. or waiting at home when he's out to see what state he's coming home in!

Tonight we are skint and he borrowed money so he could buy wine I told him I was unhappy about it and I got the whole its my attitude thats the problem not his, that my attitude was the issue on thursday not his, that the punch in the face was 2 years ago so what the problem. I told him that it was agreed me or the drink and he said that was me not him!! he told me I was trying to control him.

I then poured his wine down the sink and he walked out!!

I am so sick of the circle.

Carol Star

Like they say on the show Intervention- "What part of loving that man makes you happy?"

dollydo

"I am so sick of the circle. "

Well then ity might be time to do something about it. You are enabling him by giving him money to drink and just making everything worse for yourself and your children.

We all have our own deal breakers in a relationship, for me physical violence is one of them.

Your child/children need to be your priority, not him, you are their future, their voice. They will take their childhood into adulthood, set a good example for them, you are presently condoning abuse, they as adults will pattern what they learn today.

I do not know what resources are available to you in Belfast, however, I would recommend that you explore your DV options, get some help, some guidance.

Protect yourself, be careful, he is certainly unstable and capable of doing anything.

I am sorry that you are in such a mess.