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Old 05-12-2012, 01:24 PM
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More "games"

Texting me his "plans" for I don't know what...

Him: If Mom divorces me and won't take me back, that's it for me! I'm checking out!!

Me: Do you need me to call 911?

Him: No!! I need to talk to Mom. I'm not gonna do anything to myself today.

Me: You said you were checking out.

Him: Maybe, but not today. I need to buy another airplane first so it will look like an accident. The day the divorce is final might be the day.
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Old 05-12-2012, 01:37 PM
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(((Choublak))) - I'm so sorry you are going through this. My dad has mentioned similar things over the years I've been back at home, the most recent was last week when he had thought about driving off a bridge.

I know he's not serious, but I don't know about your dad. My dad wants attention, but this time I snapped and made him walk it through...who would have to identify his body? Me. Who would be left cleaning out this house, the one he, mom and I built, so it could go into foreclosure? Me. Who would be left wondering what I did wrong, what I didn't do, etc. for the rest of my life? Me and everyone who cares about him.

I don't know if that would help with your dad, I just know how hard it is to hear from a parent

Big hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 05-12-2012, 03:59 PM
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He always starts talking like this when he can't get what he wants. But there's always that small part of me thinking if he actually does commit suicide, then I would be wishing I took it seriously. Then again, I feel like he knows he is manipulating people with the suicide line. My mom says it's all mind games and to not get sucked into it.

I mean, how is he going to "make it look like an accident" and then tell me about it? It's not going to look like an accident if you tell people...
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Old 05-13-2012, 01:39 AM
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Choublak!

I thought you were going to cut him off next time he tried to put you in the middle with your mom. It's not a "game" if you don't play along.

Him: If Mom divorces me and won't take me back, that's it for me! I'm checking out!!

Choublak: Remember how I said I was going to end the conversation if you tried to put me in the middle with you and mom? Going to have to do that now. Won't be reading any texts today. Love you, talk to you later.


He's learned that threatening suicide is the surefire way to manipulate you. It sounds like even though your logic is telling you he's not really serious ("make it look like an accident," lol) there's the inner child who's terrified of losing daddy.

And he's preying upon that to manipulate you and control your mom. What a terrible thing for someone to do to his own child.
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Old 05-13-2012, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by choublak View Post
Texting me his "plans" for I don't know what...

Him: If Mom divorces me and won't take me back, that's it for me! I'm checking out!!

Me: *no reply*


Sometimes the best response is no response.
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Old 05-13-2012, 12:08 PM
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I'm sorry you're still in the middle, Choublak. Hearing a parent imply they'd kill themselves must be a panic-inducing thing. When my parents divorced, my father did try. There were no phone calls, no manipulative texts, no idle threats. He just did it. If my brother hadn't come home early from class we'd have lost him. I've never felt so helpless in my life. Knowing that Daddy hurt that much and I couldn't do anything to help.

I know it's so different to say from this side, but if Dad was texting saying he was going to kill himself, and I thought he was serious, I'd tell him I'm worried and I'm calling 911. Then I'd do it. Even if I thought he was doing it to be manipulative, especially if he was implying he'd make it look like an accident, I'd be inclined to tell him that I'd not hesitate to tell report it to the insurance co, that I was worried and calling 911, and then I'd call 911.

Choublak, saying this as gently as possible, and it's coming from some one who has always been a daddy's girl, it's NOT fair that your father puts you in the middle. It's NOT your responsibility to be the intermediary in your parents' relationship. Continuing to engage in his drama will only end up hurting you. Set the boundary, but set it for YOU, not him. Enforce it for your peace of mind.

Sending hugs
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Old 05-13-2012, 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by theuncertainty View Post
Even if I thought he was doing it to be manipulative, especially if he was implying he'd make it look like an accident, I'd be inclined to tell him that I'd not hesitate to tell report it to the insurance co, that I was worried and calling 911, and then I'd call 911.
Yeah, that's well said.
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:32 AM
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You could consider telling him that the next time he threatens suicide you are going to call 911 bc you are concerned about him and love him.

And then, next time he sends a suicidal sounding text, instead of asking him if he wants you to call 911, just call.

He sucked you in. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

My advice is to tell him what I said above.
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:41 AM
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hi Chou,

my mother is not an alcoholic, but had a very difficult time in the wake of her divorce from my father, we went through a period where she would put the phone down on me a lot, and I would ring her back to check she was ok etc, one day I said "if you put the phone down on me again I am going to assume you no longer want to talk and I will not be available to speak to", she tried it once more and I held that line, she didn't do it again.

before I drew this line, she had talked about killing herself and then put the phone down. I called 999 (UK ) and called for an ambulance for her, I kept ringing and managed to get hold of her and she was very very angry that I had called them, and embarrassed when they turned up, but she never did it again.

ringing the appropriate services here is win-win, and there are very few of those situations, if he is seriously suicidal, the people who know how to help him are there and can assess him, if he isn't and is trying to manipulate you (intentionally or otherwise), he gets the consequences of that, and best of all, you, his child, do not have the anxiety and burden of trying to work out his intentions.

if he does that again, I would not respond to him at all and call 911 straight away and be at peace that the professionals are on the scene.
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Old 05-14-2012, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by theuncertainty View Post
Hearing a parent imply they'd kill themselves must be a panic-inducing thing.
Not quite panic-inducing.

One of his ideas of "disciplining" (read manipulating) my brother and me when we were growing up was saying, "one day I'll be dead and gone and you'll be sorry you didn't do as I said" and things to that effect.

He's too much of a narcissist to kill himself.
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Old 05-14-2012, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by choublak View Post
Not quite panic-inducing.

One of his ideas of "disciplining" (read manipulating) my brother and me when we were growing up was saying, "one day I'll be dead and gone and you'll be sorry you didn't do as I said" and things to that effect.
OK. The panic comment was definitely coming from me remembering my father nearly killing himself and being hospitalized. Perhaps in your case, the feeling is "hurt." IDK. It affected you.

I really like JenT1968's post about ringing the appropriate service.

:ghug3
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