Being called "crazy"
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Being called "crazy"
I got to thinking last night after my AH told me again that I'm a lying sl*t and that I'm psychotic and crazy and I try to monitor him and be his mother. You know what will make a person crazy? Living in a situation where
I am always afraid when he goes anywhere without me.
One year ago, I was six months pregnant and he wanted to go meet up with a couple of guys from work. He said it would be good for business. I was uneasy but I said okay, and that I'd trust him. At about 1 am, he stopped responding to texts and I got that sick feeling. I didn't want to wake our son up and I had no car so I just told myself he would be home soon and he just couldn't get his phone.
At 3:30 he pulled up. He stumbled in an started rambling about my cousin and he's heard she's a sl*t, and that maybe I'm one too. He had that "gone" look in his eyes. I was so scared but I thought I could calm him down and he would just go to sleep. He turned the lights on in our room and woke our sleeping 3-year-old. He was being loud and he let our dog jump up on the bed. My son woke up very confused. My AH pulled him close and told me to turn off the light. I could see my son was very uncomfortable because of how his dad was acting. I said I needed to take him in the other room. I went to pull him away and I felt him hit me in the face and then put his hand on my throat. I let out a scream of shock and just fear. It was dark so I tell myself my son didn't see that part but he probably did. How can my AH call me crazy for being afraid of this happening again?
This whole last year of him not drinking has still been hell for me. I constantly afraid he will drink again and put me in that situation. Anytime he mentions going anywhere, he says I'm crazy when I say I'll be leaving for the night, that so dramatic.
When I mentioned him hitting me the other day, he was drunk and said it was only a slap, and he should have knocked me out.
I can't EVER live with someone I'm afraid of again. I can't do this to my children!!!
I am always afraid when he goes anywhere without me.
One year ago, I was six months pregnant and he wanted to go meet up with a couple of guys from work. He said it would be good for business. I was uneasy but I said okay, and that I'd trust him. At about 1 am, he stopped responding to texts and I got that sick feeling. I didn't want to wake our son up and I had no car so I just told myself he would be home soon and he just couldn't get his phone.
At 3:30 he pulled up. He stumbled in an started rambling about my cousin and he's heard she's a sl*t, and that maybe I'm one too. He had that "gone" look in his eyes. I was so scared but I thought I could calm him down and he would just go to sleep. He turned the lights on in our room and woke our sleeping 3-year-old. He was being loud and he let our dog jump up on the bed. My son woke up very confused. My AH pulled him close and told me to turn off the light. I could see my son was very uncomfortable because of how his dad was acting. I said I needed to take him in the other room. I went to pull him away and I felt him hit me in the face and then put his hand on my throat. I let out a scream of shock and just fear. It was dark so I tell myself my son didn't see that part but he probably did. How can my AH call me crazy for being afraid of this happening again?
This whole last year of him not drinking has still been hell for me. I constantly afraid he will drink again and put me in that situation. Anytime he mentions going anywhere, he says I'm crazy when I say I'll be leaving for the night, that so dramatic.
When I mentioned him hitting me the other day, he was drunk and said it was only a slap, and he should have knocked me out.
I can't EVER live with someone I'm afraid of again. I can't do this to my children!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Your fear and anxiety I know well. My T says that living with abusive partners and add addiction to that ='s recipe for us to have PTSD.
I read your post and can recall feeling everything you write about so well.
The sick feeling about getting no answer when you call, worrying when he leaves, worrying when he comes back, being told "it could've been a lot worse" to rationalize and minimize the abuse.
It's not behavior of an alcoholic-- it's abuse. And he's an alcoholic on top of it.
I hope you will be able to find a way to get away from him for your kids sake and yours.
I read your post and can recall feeling everything you write about so well.
The sick feeling about getting no answer when you call, worrying when he leaves, worrying when he comes back, being told "it could've been a lot worse" to rationalize and minimize the abuse.
It's not behavior of an alcoholic-- it's abuse. And he's an alcoholic on top of it.
I hope you will be able to find a way to get away from him for your kids sake and yours.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 31
Wow, it seems like you are going through a lot!
I too have been physically abused and to this day I can't believe it has happened. I have been hit, punched, kicked, strangled, thrown against walls, have had things thrown at me. One time while driving he grabbed the wheel and tried to drive us off a bridge.
If my best friend came to me and told me that her husband did those things to her, I would tell her to leave. But its not always so simple, and I cannot give advice to that because I have chosen to stay, knowing that this abuse could continue at any given time.
The only difference is that I only have myself to protect, but you have to protect yourself and an innocent child.
If you decide to stay in this situation, please have an emergency plan in place in case he attacks you or your child again. Have a bag packed with some clothes, your personal info, cash etc. If he becomes violent or you have "that feelings" its going to happen, you get yourself and your little one out of the house as soon as you can. Go to a friends, your parents, or a shelter.
AND NEVER EVER FEEL AFRAID TO CALL THE POLICE. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.
I wish you well
I too have been physically abused and to this day I can't believe it has happened. I have been hit, punched, kicked, strangled, thrown against walls, have had things thrown at me. One time while driving he grabbed the wheel and tried to drive us off a bridge.
If my best friend came to me and told me that her husband did those things to her, I would tell her to leave. But its not always so simple, and I cannot give advice to that because I have chosen to stay, knowing that this abuse could continue at any given time.
The only difference is that I only have myself to protect, but you have to protect yourself and an innocent child.
If you decide to stay in this situation, please have an emergency plan in place in case he attacks you or your child again. Have a bag packed with some clothes, your personal info, cash etc. If he becomes violent or you have "that feelings" its going to happen, you get yourself and your little one out of the house as soon as you can. Go to a friends, your parents, or a shelter.
AND NEVER EVER FEEL AFRAID TO CALL THE POLICE. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.
I wish you well
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
I am very concerned for you, EmmyG, and even more concerned for your children. They are at present victims of abuse, emotional abuse, which is the outcome for all children who live in an addictive family. I also fear that they are going to witness something so terrible one day--in that home-- that they either will never be able to escape the memory of it and will suffer years of trauma afterward. Or they will repress the memory altogether, block it from their memories, and then when they grow up, find themselves drawn to the very same kind of abusive relationship you are presently in.
So you are right, EmmyG. You absolutely need to get out. Your situation is much too volatile to wait around for the miracle of a sane husband. Your children can't wait that long.
So, do have someone who will take you and the children in?
So you are right, EmmyG. You absolutely need to get out. Your situation is much too volatile to wait around for the miracle of a sane husband. Your children can't wait that long.
So, do have someone who will take you and the children in?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by EmmyG 
I got to thinking last night after my AH told me again that I'm a lying sl*t and that I'm psychotic and crazy and I try to monitor him and be his mother. You know what will make a person crazy? Living in a situation where
I am always afraid when he goes anywhere without me.
One year ago, I was six months pregnant and he wanted to go meet up with a couple of guys from work. He said it would be good for business. I was uneasy but I said okay, and that I'd trust him. At about 1 am, he stopped responding to texts and I got that sick feeling. I didn't want to wake our son up and I had no car so I just told myself he would be home soon and he just couldn't get his phone.
At 3:30 he pulled up. He stumbled in an started rambling about my cousin and he's heard she's a sl*t, and that maybe I'm one too. He had that "gone" look in his eyes. I was so scared but I thought I could calm him down and he would just go to sleep. He turned the lights on in our room and woke our sleeping 3-year-old. He was being loud and he let our dog jump up on the bed. My son woke up very confused. My AH pulled him close and told me to turn off the light. I could see my son was very uncomfortable because of how his dad was acting. I said I needed to take him in the other room. I went to pull him away and I felt him hit me in the face and then put his hand on my throat. I let out a scream of shock and just fear. It was dark so I tell myself my son didn't see that part but he probably did. How can my AH call me crazy for being afraid of this happening again?
This whole last year of him not drinking has still been hell for me. I constantly afraid he will drink again and put me in that situation. Anytime he mentions going anywhere, he says I'm crazy when I say I'll be leaving for the night, that so dramatic.
When I mentioned him hitting me the other day, he was drunk and said it was only a slap, and he should have knocked me out.
I can't EVER live with someone I'm afraid of again. I can't do this to my children!!!
I am always afraid when he goes anywhere without me.
One year ago, I was six months pregnant and he wanted to go meet up with a couple of guys from work. He said it would be good for business. I was uneasy but I said okay, and that I'd trust him. At about 1 am, he stopped responding to texts and I got that sick feeling. I didn't want to wake our son up and I had no car so I just told myself he would be home soon and he just couldn't get his phone.
At 3:30 he pulled up. He stumbled in an started rambling about my cousin and he's heard she's a sl*t, and that maybe I'm one too. He had that "gone" look in his eyes. I was so scared but I thought I could calm him down and he would just go to sleep. He turned the lights on in our room and woke our sleeping 3-year-old. He was being loud and he let our dog jump up on the bed. My son woke up very confused. My AH pulled him close and told me to turn off the light. I could see my son was very uncomfortable because of how his dad was acting. I said I needed to take him in the other room. I went to pull him away and I felt him hit me in the face and then put his hand on my throat. I let out a scream of shock and just fear. It was dark so I tell myself my son didn't see that part but he probably did. How can my AH call me crazy for being afraid of this happening again?
This whole last year of him not drinking has still been hell for me. I constantly afraid he will drink again and put me in that situation. Anytime he mentions going anywhere, he says I'm crazy when I say I'll be leaving for the night, that so dramatic.
When I mentioned him hitting me the other day, he was drunk and said it was only a slap, and he should have knocked me out.
I can't EVER live with someone I'm afraid of again. I can't do this to my children!!!
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