how in the heck did I relapse?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
how in the heck did I relapse?
I was fine working minding my own business, next thing I know. I was looking at my xah emails. I spent an hour checking the emails to his girlfriend and found out what they been doing. Now I am obsessed to email her and let her know he is an alcoholic and all the mean things he did to me help!!
xr
xr
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 159
Hi Odat. Don't do it sweetie. This will just confirm to them how "crazy and unstable" you are. She wont believe a thing you say and it will only open up a world of hurt. Trust me because I did it. Oh yes, this just made me look like a stalker even if I was trying to help the "other woman". You can't help her anymore than you could help him. You DO NOT want to be in a love triangle.
Do you really want to help her? or run her off so that you can get him back? Kinda like if I can't have him no one will? You know this will push him further from you which would be a great thing but your self esteem will crash.
Don't do it. You can tell us what you want to tell her and reread it to yourself to remind yourself that YOU can save YOU. You can't save her or him.
Do you really want to help her? or run her off so that you can get him back? Kinda like if I can't have him no one will? You know this will push him further from you which would be a great thing but your self esteem will crash.
Don't do it. You can tell us what you want to tell her and reread it to yourself to remind yourself that YOU can save YOU. You can't save her or him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
Hi there! I agree with Z above ... 
It will make you feel worse if you do try to make her see the light. And then a whole crap load of new drama will unfold on your door that you do not want: his wrath, her wrath, ungratefulness, accusations etc.
It's not your battle anymore with him in your life --- he's your EX ... You have your OWN fight to fight... You go girl. You can and will get better without involving yourself in EX relationships!
Big hugs!
It will make you feel worse if you do try to make her see the light. And then a whole crap load of new drama will unfold on your door that you do not want: his wrath, her wrath, ungratefulness, accusations etc.
It's not your battle anymore with him in your life --- he's your EX ... You have your OWN fight to fight... You go girl. You can and will get better without involving yourself in EX relationships!
Big hugs!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I remember praying to aquire the willingness to be willing to let him go.......it worked......I went totally no contact because I eventually realized contacting him or looking at emails, answering his drunk dialing me etc.....was ONLY hurting me and I didn't want anything inturrupting my serenity anymore. Why stay in that drama/chaos loop of insanity ? and it wasn't my business anymore.....we were divorced.....by the grace of HP......now I can stay in my own hoola-hoop.......let the X go to his HP.....and his new girl I feel sorry for but cannot help/control either.......it would just **** her off......she has to learn her own way/her own time/through her own HP.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Hi everyone that posted so far.
It was the weirdest thing, I was just about to finish work 15 minutes to be exact, all the sudden I started to look at my emails, all the sudden I was looking at HIS email, it's weird because I was not even thinking about it, when I did think about in the past I talked myself out of doing it, this time there was no "warning", the first time in 14 months. WTF.
It was not love it was more like revenge..yes some hurt that he is doing with her all the things I beg him to do with me.
All my readings this morning (5 books) was about my feelings today, I also did CPR (Call, Pray and Read) yesterday. my sponsor told me that My demons are awake and my committee is in session so more like it I will end up doing it.....so I did.
How it makes me feel...instant happiness, I know it will come back to hunt me sooner or later, now I know how the alcoholic feels after a hangover..I guess I still hold resenment and want justice, but keep "temporarily" forgetting that justice is NOT mine to do.
What I am looking for...I think I have this NEED to have him make amends to me, I know I do not want to go back with him that is gone, no I do not want that relationship back EVER, It is my self pity the poor me, he is doing with her all the things I wanted him to do with me, but she is the "winner", she most be better than me.
My BF has been very supportive of my emotions but he does not approve of my behaviour, he knows I relapsed but he is does not know what I did.
I forgot step 1, maybe I did not forget step one I just chose to ignore it.
I am back to square one...and yes another amend I HAVE to make to my X one day.
PS: I know what all of you would say, so I did not sign up until after I did what I did. Sorry
It was the weirdest thing, I was just about to finish work 15 minutes to be exact, all the sudden I started to look at my emails, all the sudden I was looking at HIS email, it's weird because I was not even thinking about it, when I did think about in the past I talked myself out of doing it, this time there was no "warning", the first time in 14 months. WTF.
It was not love it was more like revenge..yes some hurt that he is doing with her all the things I beg him to do with me.
All my readings this morning (5 books) was about my feelings today, I also did CPR (Call, Pray and Read) yesterday. my sponsor told me that My demons are awake and my committee is in session so more like it I will end up doing it.....so I did.
How it makes me feel...instant happiness, I know it will come back to hunt me sooner or later, now I know how the alcoholic feels after a hangover..I guess I still hold resenment and want justice, but keep "temporarily" forgetting that justice is NOT mine to do.
What I am looking for...I think I have this NEED to have him make amends to me, I know I do not want to go back with him that is gone, no I do not want that relationship back EVER, It is my self pity the poor me, he is doing with her all the things I wanted him to do with me, but she is the "winner", she most be better than me.
My BF has been very supportive of my emotions but he does not approve of my behaviour, he knows I relapsed but he is does not know what I did.
I forgot step 1, maybe I did not forget step one I just chose to ignore it.
I am back to square one...and yes another amend I HAVE to make to my X one day.
PS: I know what all of you would say, so I did not sign up until after I did what I did. Sorry
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