webber1

Firstly I just want to say how I appreciate these forums.. A big source of Help for me...

My partner of 5 years has relapsed twice in a week 5 months after a 3 month stint in a 1st class rehab facility. Its been gut wrenching as initially she was doing so well but old patterns emerged. Blame, playing the victim not goingto AA.

As for me Ive been seeing someone/going to Al non and putting up strong boundaries. I've basically said that if she didnt go back there would be no me however Im worried. Relapsing once well maybe but twice in a week ? A disaster!

I know its not easy however she totally ignored the tools / guidance that Rehab gave her and for that Im very disappointed. Why will this time be any different ?

Speaking to her she cant understand why Im angry/ flat and doesnt think its a huge issue. When will the Penny drop in that this is life or death now as shes going to lose everything. As for rock bottom and reaching it well shes been there , continues to go there and still isnt getting it.

Any advice ?

SoaringSpirits

I've asked that question myself about my husband. How far will it go? I think that's where detachment comes in. She may have to lose everything, and you will have to let that happen. You have no control over the outcome, anyway.

Pelican

I'm sorry, but she isn't done yet.

From the information you shared, she is in denial as to how powerless she is over alcohol.

Please continue to take care of yourself.

posiesperson

I'm sorry too, Webber1. Welcome to SR.

I'd suggest that you get to as many Alanon meetings as you can. When I was with my exA it was the Alanon meetings (and this forum, along with therapy appointments) that kept me reminded of what sanity looks like.

Keep coming back,
posie

Seren

Hi webber! Welcome to SR! I'm so sorry, but it sounds like she simply is not done yet.

The horribly sad truth is that you can't do anything to make that happen for her. No amount of threats, pleading, tears, bribes, or coercion will change her behavior. She will work to obtain and maintain sobriety when she's ready!

You can do things for yourself, though! I'm glad you are seeing a counselor and going to meetings.

MsPINKAcres

((webber))

Welcome to our SR family ~ I hate so much that your loved oned is continuing this awful cycle with this disease ~ it is painful to watch ~

I am glad that you are seeking help for YOU in meetings and a counselor ~ as frustrating as it can be ~ that is probably the BEST thing that you can do ~

In my years of living with the active disease and now watching my adult children with this disease - taking the best care of my OWN recovery (in al-anon) is the most loving thing I can do for everyone - myself and the alcoholics/addicts.

Please continue to hang around here - this is a wonderful group of supportive people who have been thru many of the same things you may go thru and are willing to lend an ear & a few suggestions ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

webber1

Thanks Guys..

There comes a time where the penny will drop. That is it isnt about the AH its me and how I feel.. Ive had a few Healthy relationships where the joy was doing things together with respect and love..

I think that really our relationships with the AH are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. And it cant be good as no healthy self loving person would put up with the crap that we do from in our AH partners.

I thought( mistakenly) that she would embrace life but sober they cant enjoy there one great love - the booze. So often we speak of rock bottom, 3 duis, no friends, losing me, 3 attempts at rehab, in moments of clarity the shame but ive learned the AH is so selfish and I read and yearn for all those that deserve better.

I feel empowered know through much therapy in that I deserve better. Thats where it begins and ends.