thought things were getting better....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 37
thought things were getting better....
thought things were getting better....
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i haven't been on here for ages. felt i could cope and things seemed to get better. Then a few weeks back, i found out about something he had done a while back. He was p***ed off with me at the time, and drunk. This thing hurt me beyond belief. He swore the drinking would stop as a result. It didnt. I got to the point where i seriously couldnt do it anymore, and couldnt live with the pain. I thought about ways in which to 'end it all' - however, as my own father commited suicide, i knew the feelings my children would be left with for the rest of their lives. When i got some clarity, my mind was pretty set on going - i felt i had the strength, and even found a house not far away that i could afford. But yet again, i believed him when he said it would stop. He lasted three weeks - i was so so proud, and i finally felt like he was with me for love, not convenience. Then he went and got drunk. I didnt get angry, i just vowed to help him get back on track. This was a week ago. We have come back from a holiday today - he drank last night - not much, but i know that even a little is too much. Now, because he knows i am angry and upset, he has turned it on me and gone to the pub 'get away'. God, i just need some strength. I am so utterly confused, and frightened, and its so hard.
.......tonight is now morning and he hasnt come home.
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i haven't been on here for ages. felt i could cope and things seemed to get better. Then a few weeks back, i found out about something he had done a while back. He was p***ed off with me at the time, and drunk. This thing hurt me beyond belief. He swore the drinking would stop as a result. It didnt. I got to the point where i seriously couldnt do it anymore, and couldnt live with the pain. I thought about ways in which to 'end it all' - however, as my own father commited suicide, i knew the feelings my children would be left with for the rest of their lives. When i got some clarity, my mind was pretty set on going - i felt i had the strength, and even found a house not far away that i could afford. But yet again, i believed him when he said it would stop. He lasted three weeks - i was so so proud, and i finally felt like he was with me for love, not convenience. Then he went and got drunk. I didnt get angry, i just vowed to help him get back on track. This was a week ago. We have come back from a holiday today - he drank last night - not much, but i know that even a little is too much. Now, because he knows i am angry and upset, he has turned it on me and gone to the pub 'get away'. God, i just need some strength. I am so utterly confused, and frightened, and its so hard.
.......tonight is now morning and he hasnt come home.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
oh majool,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
do you have any support for you?
Are meetings possible?
It doesn't seem to be getting better, does it?
You do have the strength and it will come back, please try to make your stay with an active alcoholic as short as possible for your children. I had an alcoholic father, it was terrible. Frightening every night when he came home from work. Please do it for them.
Beth
I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
do you have any support for you?
Are meetings possible?
It doesn't seem to be getting better, does it?
When i got some clarity, my mind was pretty set on going - i felt i had the strength, and even found a house not far away that i could afford.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 37
hi beth,
dont really have any support - i have family but they dont know whats going on- i would struggle to deal with their feelings and my mother in particular is very judgemental - she would actually make things harder for me! to be honest, when i read peoples stories on here, i think i shouldnt be complaining, it could be a lot worse - but after 11 years, i'm starting to feel tired of it all.
i dont know if he's spent tonight with someone else, or is dead on the roadside. suppose i will find out soon - it will either be our car or a police car that pulls up outside.
dont really have any support - i have family but they dont know whats going on- i would struggle to deal with their feelings and my mother in particular is very judgemental - she would actually make things harder for me! to be honest, when i read peoples stories on here, i think i shouldnt be complaining, it could be a lot worse - but after 11 years, i'm starting to feel tired of it all.
i dont know if he's spent tonight with someone else, or is dead on the roadside. suppose i will find out soon - it will either be our car or a police car that pulls up outside.
A girl can dream...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Recovery Road
Posts: 388
Majool - have you tried Al-Anon? They have local, international and even electronic meetings for people with alcoholic spouses or teens.
My heart goes out to you. I was a social drinker in my 20's and became an alcoholic within several years of meeting my husband. I thought he was in recovery when I met him but a year into the marriage he told me he'd started drinking during his second marriage. I spent 13 years lying to everyone I knew about his drinking. Then I realized I was lying about how much I was drinking - I felt such shame and guilt for keeping such a secret.
Many times I threatened to leave him if he/we didn't quit drinking but it never lasted. Each time I would go online trying to find a place of my own to rent and each time he would promise me he'd help 'us' quit but it never happened. My kids are all adults so there's nothing stopping me from leaving now yet I love him so much.
I never reached out to anyone for help until I joined this site a few days ago. So many kind words and encouragement in just a short time have me feeling like this time I can quit drinking for good. I also feel the need to start llooking at getting a place of my own.
He can make as many promises as he likes but I need to do what's best for me. It'll be hard at first but it can only get better with time.
Thoughts and prayers...
My heart goes out to you. I was a social drinker in my 20's and became an alcoholic within several years of meeting my husband. I thought he was in recovery when I met him but a year into the marriage he told me he'd started drinking during his second marriage. I spent 13 years lying to everyone I knew about his drinking. Then I realized I was lying about how much I was drinking - I felt such shame and guilt for keeping such a secret.
Many times I threatened to leave him if he/we didn't quit drinking but it never lasted. Each time I would go online trying to find a place of my own to rent and each time he would promise me he'd help 'us' quit but it never happened. My kids are all adults so there's nothing stopping me from leaving now yet I love him so much.
I never reached out to anyone for help until I joined this site a few days ago. So many kind words and encouragement in just a short time have me feeling like this time I can quit drinking for good. I also feel the need to start llooking at getting a place of my own.
He can make as many promises as he likes but I need to do what's best for me. It'll be hard at first but it can only get better with time.
Thoughts and prayers...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 8
My thoughts are wtih you, my husband goes though periods of sobriety and periods of drinking where he swears he "Has it all under control" I'm learning that it doesn't matter what I do or say, if he's going to drink, he's going to drink. I've set boundries, I've told him I won't have serious conversations with him when he's drinking, that helps. Just a couple of weeks ago he didn't come home for the first time and I turned here and to Al-Anon, I'm still working on not getting angry when he drinks, and I'm trying not to What-if myself to death, just know that you are stong enough to get through this, and you are strong enough to let him make his own mistakes and accept the consequences. It doesn't matter what we do, if they are going to drink, they are going to drink. My heart is with you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 37
DesMrInd, Thank you! this is whats happening to me too, the trust has been so damaged and he doesnt seem to understand this. After he stayed out at the weekend, he swore he would prove to me he could be trusted - he has made an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow. However, tonight he said he was nipping out - 5 hours later he hasnt come home. As usual, he is not answering his phone, he doesnt have his keys and i have to work tomorrow. if i lock him out and go to bed, he will bang so hard i have to answer in case the children get woken up. I'm not prepared to put myselves and the children at risk by leaving the house unlocked. Alternatively, he may not even come home.
I hope you are right and I can find strength! I truly hope the same for you too. Hugs xxx
I hope you are right and I can find strength! I truly hope the same for you too. Hugs xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 37
Hi Pelican,
It is something i've planned to do before, but tonight i would have to get them up (its nearly 11.30 pm) and it would probably freak them out more. i think it may be an option soon if needed, and i can make it into a mini-holiday for them if needs be. They are young, but the older one is old enough to understand something odd happening (he is 9). Its definitely on the options list though x
It is something i've planned to do before, but tonight i would have to get them up (its nearly 11.30 pm) and it would probably freak them out more. i think it may be an option soon if needed, and i can make it into a mini-holiday for them if needs be. They are young, but the older one is old enough to understand something odd happening (he is 9). Its definitely on the options list though x
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