Remember that thread I made asking about how those in Al-Anon end up in AA
 

This is what I didn't get: (quote taken from another thread)

"I still wonder if dealing with loved ones who are A's are "pay back" for what I put them through when I was using."

Now...

Why would someone who has been put through living with an A, later on become an A and put other people through the same thing?

I don't think this anymore (because now I know it's more complex), but did at one time. I just didn't find a way to clearly express it until now. I wanted to get it "out" and be done with the thought.

My apologies in advance to whomever I may have offended or upset with this post.

How I read that quote is more along the lines of:

"I am an A, and I know I put my loved ones through a lot."

"Now, there are A's in my life that I am having to deal with"

"I wonder if I'm having to deal with these people is some sort of cosmic retribution for what I did to others while I was drinking."

Not, "I became an A after dealing with one."

That said, many children who grow up in an alcoholic household have a higher likeliehood of becoming alcoholic themselves.

Okay, here is the one that originally got me wondering...

"I did find Al anon useful when dealing with loved ones in addiction...I had used the program and it was years before my drinking slid me into alcoholism."

First time I read that, I was thinking, "you worked the al-anon program for years...you KNOW what it's like...why on earth would you then become an alcoholic and do the same thing to loved ones that other A loved ones did to you?"

By "you" I mean anyone, no one in particular.

Well, I don't know because I'm not an alcoholic.

However, it seems to me that someone doesn't become an alcoholic instantaneously. I think many people begin by drinking 'normally' in social settings. Perhaps this person was merely a social drinker but did grow up in an alcoholic household. Perhaps they only went to Al-Anon meetings a few times.

Later, when they weren't attending Al-Anon meetings and life became hard, the drinking became more regular and soon became a tool to get through the rough spots.

No one thinks they will become an alcoholic. No one sets out to become one. Most people drink alcohol, but then, most people aren't alcoholics. Alcoholism doesn't just come on overnight. A person can think they are doing just fine drinking, and do so for years. Then, all of a sudden, they drink more than they intended to on a fairly regular basis. They find that they can't just stop drinking, even though there were sure they could. Alcoholism can sneak up on a person without them even realizing it. But when it strikes, there you are. You are now an alcoholic.*



*This is an extremely simplified example. It usually happens gradually, over a period of many years.

Actually that was my words, and I am not offended in the least. TBH, ((Choublak and HG)) are both right.

I dealt with an A (though high functioning, still damaging to me) and after about 20 years, I DID turn to drugs to deal with it.

However, I have over 5 years in recovery and am STILL dealing with A's, including my stepmom who I live in the same house with. THAT was what I was talking about as far as "payback".

When I started using drugs, I had no intention of becoming an A. I thought I could handle it. I just wanted a temporary reprieve. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way.

The majority of people don't go to that extreme, but I have seen people here who are dealing with A's, suddenly they're wondering if they, too, have a drinking problem.

Whether it's payback or just the fact that addiction is more prevalent and is affecting more and more people that I love, I don't know. I do know that seeing my stepmom and others being active? It makes my recovery way stronger.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

In my case I don't think I became an alcoholic. It was more like this.

I moved out to get away from the insanity. I was living alone, going to Al-Anon, feeling good in my recovery, my kids were grown and had there own families and there wasn't any reason I couldn't drink. I didn't have the problem.

But I found myself drinking more often that I thought was good and at times drinking more than I thought I should. No binges, no blackouts but it bothered me. I guess living with an alcoholic for so long I was hyper-sensitive to alcohol and where it could lead. I was also starting to realize the drinking was becoming a habit. I'd come home from work, start cooking dinner and pour a drink. Didn't even think about it. By the standards of most alcoholics I had a very high bottom. I didn't want to end up like my AW and it was just easier to quit than to fuss about it.

I simply went cold turkey. I had some cravings but overall they weren't that bad. Nicotine was much worse.

Two months now and doing fine.

I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

Your friend,