Snuck out in the middle of the night.

Old 05-05-2012, 10:18 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Good for you MTS! You sound like you are doing very well in the midst of alot of sudden change. Keep doing what you are doing, one step at a time. I'm sure it's overwhelming at times but I hope you also feel empowered. Just think forward. It will be a process, but you are getting your life back and it will be all yours!
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Old 05-05-2012, 12:00 PM
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I sure do feel empowered. I keep thinking that all this change will bring me to a state of peace one day, instead of keeping my life at a standstill where I continue on giving while he takes everything from me- my hopes, my dreams, my happiness. This keeps driving me forward. I found an apartment that seems nice. It is further from work, but a decent area. They work with low incomes as well. Hopefully I hear back by Monday. Meanwhile, I'm going to look for an equivalent that would hopefully put my closer in town.

Another question though. After all his garbage that he is posting on Facebook his family apparently has been trying to unsuccessfully reach him. Now, his neice is texting me asking if he is okay, and wondering why he isn't returning her texts. What should I do on this? I don't want to start a gossip train, because she will probably tell her mom/dad if I mention his state who will then tell everyone on his side. I'm sure they suspect it anyway, but I don't want to directly be involved in it.

Oh and now he's calling my work... Just lovely.
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Old 05-05-2012, 04:56 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MTSlideAddict View Post
Last night, he was drunk and posting all sorts of stuff on Facebook about how a marriage is through thick and thin, and how Love is Insanity by definition.
This may be so, and some degree of compassion may be in order initially, on account of the fact that most people do not set out to become addicted, but there is a limit. Alcoholism is essentially a perverse love affair with the bottle, and it necessarily creates a love triangle, not much different than having a mistress on the side. The problem is, as many on here will attest, that lady liquor will actually overtake the martial bond.

I do believe that family can be a very strong force to propel us to quit, but we cannot have it both ways. Ultimately, we have to choose one or the other, and not tentatively, to see how it goes, either. That attitude only adds insult to injury, as if we are unaware of the pull of the addiction, the damage it causes, and the fact that our significant others cannot possibly compete with it. IIRC, your husband had over a year sober. That is a long time to reflect on the nature of this thing.

— From a PhD (Phormer Drunk)
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Old 05-05-2012, 06:56 PM
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"Another question though. After all his garbage that he is posting on Facebook his family apparently has been trying to unsuccessfully reach him. Now, his neice is texting me asking if he is okay, and wondering why he isn't returning her texts. What should I do on this? I don't want to start a gossip train, because she will probably tell her mom/dad if I mention his state who will then tell everyone on his side. I'm sure they suspect it anyway, but I don't want to directly be involved in it."


If you don't want to be involved, DO NOT answer the message or text. I personally made that mistake. What a can of worms. Found out after the fact the XA was actually behind all the messaging, as in texting from his brother's phone.

And I am still a strong believer, in " blood is thicker than water". Just best to keep your distance.

Congrats on making the decision to take back your life. I'm rooting for you, best wishes.
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Old 05-06-2012, 05:25 PM
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Now the begging and pleading begins...

So yesterday my AH was going about ranting and raving on my parent’s answering machine. Then he left a message that my parents interpreted as suicidal, so my mom called me to let me know that he sounded down and made a suicidal threat. I called the police department to check on him. They called me a little later letting me know that he was transported to the ER for fluid levels, but there was no indication of suicide attempt in progress. Later I get a text from his step-mom telling me that he wanted to talk to me or have me visit him in the ER. I sent her a text back saying that I do not mean to be harsh, but speaking to or visiting him at the moment is not a good idea for me. I also asked her how long he would be there so that I could go feed the cats. She said that she understood where I was coming from (she left an alcoholic husband in the past), and let me know that he would be there for a few hours if I wanted to run home to feed the cats or anything.

He was let out of the ER sometime late last night I guess. Today, he apparently was hit with the sobering realization of the destruction his binge has caused. He is sober and writing texts. He called me at work and is wanting to see me. He is asking for another chance and wants to make it up to me. He says that he is sorry and that he made a huge mistake.

Oh yeah…right… I haven’t heard this before. *sarcasm* It’s the same old song and dance that loops US back into the turmoil. Not this time, buddy! I guess all the other “last chances” were not enough for you to “make it up to me.” If nothing changes than nothing will change, and history has a way of repeating itself. I am making the changes this time. I am not strapping myself into that roller coaster again.
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Old 05-06-2012, 06:27 PM
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"Its the same old song and dance that loops US back into the turmoil."

I've never read the inevitable put into those words before MTS. "Loops US back into the turmoil. "It's perfect. Instead of thinking of giving someone another chance, often denoting moving on in a positive direction, you will find yourself back at square one, set up to repeat what you already know and have lived through. The same behaviors, actions and treatment that caused you leave. Yes, hold strong and you are doing really well!
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