Free at last since thursday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: SERENITY
Posts: 58
Free at last since thursday
Moved out last Thursday! Was totally freaking that he would come over while I was moving. Just didnt want any issues. Come to find out, while I was moving out he was in the hospital for tremors or shaking. The ER said that he has Accumalative medicine in his body<I have no idea what that means and he will not tell me. Does anyone know why?
Yes he called me the Friday after I left claiming I took everything and how could I be so mean. ReallY?
But, anyway 5 days later I feel really lonely. My son who moved with me has his own life. Which I understand. I only have a 5 more boxes to unpack and I will be done.
Would like some advice on what to do with my time. There is alot of coffee shops around this little town. MIght go to one of them one night and listen to some live music. Thanks for all of your support!!!
Yes he called me the Friday after I left claiming I took everything and how could I be so mean. ReallY?
But, anyway 5 days later I feel really lonely. My son who moved with me has his own life. Which I understand. I only have a 5 more boxes to unpack and I will be done.
Would like some advice on what to do with my time. There is alot of coffee shops around this little town. MIght go to one of them one night and listen to some live music. Thanks for all of your support!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Alanonic,
Well done.
Sad and lonely at first but you will be ok.
Enjoy the peace. Volunteer somewhere. Go out and introduce yourself to the neighbours.
Make an excuse if you have to. Ask about bus routes, the local cleaners or something as an icebreaker.
Well done.
Sad and lonely at first but you will be ok.
Enjoy the peace. Volunteer somewhere. Go out and introduce yourself to the neighbours.
Make an excuse if you have to. Ask about bus routes, the local cleaners or something as an icebreaker.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Keep really busy!! I just joined a women's softball team. I am terrible at softball, lol! But it's a social activity that makes me happy. I also rejoined my gym and am going to yoga, etc. Thinking of taking a painting class. There is a bead shop near my house where I can drop in and make jewelry, very inexpensive. I live near a college that always has free live music events, so that's nice too.
Take yourself out to dinner. If you feel weird, bring a book. If you don't want to do dinner, go out for coffee. Volunteer. Call your friends and make plans for the following week so you have stuff to do every few days. Try a new hobby you've always wanted to. Catch up on your sleep. Try new recipes. Get a new pet--dogs are great because they need to be walked. Do whatever you want to! It's your life now.
Take yourself out to dinner. If you feel weird, bring a book. If you don't want to do dinner, go out for coffee. Volunteer. Call your friends and make plans for the following week so you have stuff to do every few days. Try a new hobby you've always wanted to. Catch up on your sleep. Try new recipes. Get a new pet--dogs are great because they need to be walked. Do whatever you want to! It's your life now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 148
Alanonic, what a miracle to see you write this tonight.
I moved 4 hours away from one of my alcoholics last July. The first few days, I was feeling pretty rock solid. I loved that I could sleep the whole night without waking up in fear. I loved the quiet. I loved shopping for new furniture that was MINE, I didn't need his "OK" on any decision! I loved going out with my girlfriends and not having to worry what HE was doing.
And then that euphoria ended. And you know what Alanonic, its been almost a year...and I still get this way. Lonely. Scared. Sad. Fearful. And I start to question myself.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Its been a little while since I've heard a peep out of that alcoholic...and even though the calm is nice...the quiet can be terrifying.
"Lonely" is a word I know all too well.
So obviously, I haven't found a cure. But I can tell you what I do.
Tonight, I will make myself a really nice meal. And then read, read about Alanon, read about relationships...read the next Hunger Games book. Peace and quiet.
Tomorrow I'll go to a meeting.
Before then...I try to do what a good Alanon friend suggested: Invite the loneliness, fear and anxiety inside for tea. Almost literally.
Its there. Those feelings. We all know we can't make them disappear. So invite them in for tea, and then let them leave at their own accord.
So tonight, I feel lonely and awful...so tonight I AM going to feel lonely and awful and hopefully when I wake up tomorrow...they will have packed their stuff and exited!
I moved 4 hours away from one of my alcoholics last July. The first few days, I was feeling pretty rock solid. I loved that I could sleep the whole night without waking up in fear. I loved the quiet. I loved shopping for new furniture that was MINE, I didn't need his "OK" on any decision! I loved going out with my girlfriends and not having to worry what HE was doing.
And then that euphoria ended. And you know what Alanonic, its been almost a year...and I still get this way. Lonely. Scared. Sad. Fearful. And I start to question myself.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Its been a little while since I've heard a peep out of that alcoholic...and even though the calm is nice...the quiet can be terrifying.
"Lonely" is a word I know all too well.
So obviously, I haven't found a cure. But I can tell you what I do.
Tonight, I will make myself a really nice meal. And then read, read about Alanon, read about relationships...read the next Hunger Games book. Peace and quiet.
Tomorrow I'll go to a meeting.
Before then...I try to do what a good Alanon friend suggested: Invite the loneliness, fear and anxiety inside for tea. Almost literally.
Its there. Those feelings. We all know we can't make them disappear. So invite them in for tea, and then let them leave at their own accord.
So tonight, I feel lonely and awful...so tonight I AM going to feel lonely and awful and hopefully when I wake up tomorrow...they will have packed their stuff and exited!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by Alanonic 
I only have a 5 more boxes to unpack and I will be done.
I've been moving for a month and still haven't finished moving all of my stuff out of my sister's yet, much less unpacked most of it. LOL (Hmmm, maybe that's part of the reason life has been so unsettling for me recently.)Listening to live music would be wonderful!
On my wish list for stuff to do when I have free time is taking a class (or a few) for different languages: Japanese, Russian, Inupiak, German. The university here also has an MFA program for creative writing, which sounds amazing.
I'd also like to try Tai Chi, actually use my Pilates lessons, take up archery, kayaking, kite surfing.... Or maybe just spend HOURS in the library perusing the shelves and reading...
Thank you for the opportunity to ponder pleasant things.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I think one of the reasons that the peace and quiet after removing ourselves from an alcoholic situation tends to drive us crazy is because not only have we become addicted to the drama, but we've lost track of ourselves.
At least, I know that's what it was in my case.
Try things you've always wanted to do in my only suggestion.
In the beginning for me I mostly read self-help books. When spring arrived I started gardening on my balcony, and then swimming at the apartment complex's pool. I got back into a few online games I used to try, and eventually started going out to eat with a friend once a week. I took a yoga class and a ballroom dancing class at the local high school, and since I'm still in the same apartment that I had when XABF was there and he decorated it, I've been redecorating.
Now I garden, collect dresses and skirts and things (I need to get some more SHOES this weekend!), play racing games with my boyfriend on the PS3, take bubble baths, and other things that make me happy.
One of these days I am going to join some sort of group that does something-or-other, but I'll confess I'm afraid of commitment to a scheduled organization right now since XABF used to schedule everything a year in advance. I go to Al-Anon and church regularly, but part of that is because generally nobody is counting on me to be there, so I still know that my attendance is optional (unless I'm chair or speaker at the Al-Anon meeting of course!) so it doesn't trigger that part of me.
I do schedule things with friends and all, but they're one-time events and most are decided upon close to the last minute so that also doesn't hit my trigger.
Hmmm... I need to do some work on that, figure out some long-term event I feel comfortable committing to. I am going to take flying lessons in the fall, but since it will be one-on-one instruction I'm not sure that counts, either.
At least, I know that's what it was in my case.
Try things you've always wanted to do in my only suggestion.
In the beginning for me I mostly read self-help books. When spring arrived I started gardening on my balcony, and then swimming at the apartment complex's pool. I got back into a few online games I used to try, and eventually started going out to eat with a friend once a week. I took a yoga class and a ballroom dancing class at the local high school, and since I'm still in the same apartment that I had when XABF was there and he decorated it, I've been redecorating.
Now I garden, collect dresses and skirts and things (I need to get some more SHOES this weekend!), play racing games with my boyfriend on the PS3, take bubble baths, and other things that make me happy.
One of these days I am going to join some sort of group that does something-or-other, but I'll confess I'm afraid of commitment to a scheduled organization right now since XABF used to schedule everything a year in advance. I go to Al-Anon and church regularly, but part of that is because generally nobody is counting on me to be there, so I still know that my attendance is optional (unless I'm chair or speaker at the Al-Anon meeting of course!) so it doesn't trigger that part of me.
I do schedule things with friends and all, but they're one-time events and most are decided upon close to the last minute so that also doesn't hit my trigger.
Hmmm... I need to do some work on that, figure out some long-term event I feel comfortable committing to. I am going to take flying lessons in the fall, but since it will be one-on-one instruction I'm not sure that counts, either.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Just wanted to say that I LOVE your post Alanonic and it made me smile to read it, and it gave me hope that I will find the same peace eventually. My mom once said to me that "Alone also means 'All One.'"
I'm sure you will figure out things to do that make your heart sing. I've found that keeping a journal is very therapeutic and my journal feels like my friend on lonely nights. When I am down/lonely, I try to stay busy and get out of the house because I tend to isolate myself when I'm sad. Just forcing myself to get out and get busy really helps.
I'm sure you will figure out things to do that make your heart sing. I've found that keeping a journal is very therapeutic and my journal feels like my friend on lonely nights. When I am down/lonely, I try to stay busy and get out of the house because I tend to isolate myself when I'm sad. Just forcing myself to get out and get busy really helps.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
