AskingForHelp

My boyfriend of 3 years is beginning recovery after drinking our whole relationship. Granted I never really had 100% of what I needed emotionally any of our relationship since he was drinking the entire time, he has become very emotionally unavailable ever since he stopped drinking. He'll drink one day then not for like 5-10 days then drink 1 day then not for another 5-10 days. I'm happy that its cut back and I know it'll take time and it's not going to be easy but this seems very difficult to deal with, especially since I am a type of person who needs to feel emotions in a relationship. He's not even saying I love you anymore. He says "I can't love you until I love myself" which I am trying very hard to understand but it's difficult when I heard I love you from him for over 2 of our relationship. Just difficult to deal with especially when I'm a person who needs to "fix" things immediately and he would like to 'take time' and think things out for a few hours. Any suggestions??

AskingForHelp

"parrots can be taught to say I Love You"....wow, I've never thought it like this before. eye opening.

changeschoices

Has he stopped drinking and gotten help, or is he still drinking on again, off again?

AskingForHelp

Changingchoices: He used to drink 5-6 days a week it's now every 9-10 days or so..

dollydo

He is not in recovery, he is an addict, his words mean nothing...anyone can say "I Love You." A simple four letter word that creates so much emotional unrest...the word itself means nothing.

You like to "fix" things...work on fixing you....you cannot "fix" anyone else.

Get to meetings, read Codependent No More, get healthy so that you will have a more rewarding healthy life.

changeschoices

Yeah, he's not in recovery. Recovery means he's working some kind of program and not drinking, period.

My X was drinking every 2 weeks. When he wasn't drinking, he was obsessing about when he'd drink again and struggling not to. Wasn't working a program; thought he could kick it himself.

Emotionally unavailable? Yep. Anyone still actively drinking is an addict and addicts don't have mental space for anyone or anything but their drinking.

changeschoices

Wanted to add: he's emotionally unavailable when he's not drinking because he's obsessed with drinking during that time. He won't tell you maybe, but that's what's on his mind. Does he act distracted? Irritable? Distant? Tense? He's in his own personal hell, wanting to drink. He hasn't surrendered and gotten help.

cfm

He has not stopped drinking. As long as your still drinking, your still drinking.
Cutting down is not stopped.

This is a crock of alcoholic horses**t

Do yourself a favor, if there are no kids involved, move on

Cyranoak

...how to manipulate women is to tell her you love her.

Rule #2 is to tell her how much more loving and supportive she is than your last girlfriend or ex-wife.

Rule #3 is to tell her that with her help you are going to become a better man/lift yourself up by your bootstraps.

Rule #4 is to repeat rules 1, 2, and 3 every time you get your ass in trouble with her.

There is no Rule #5. Rules 1-4 gets and keeps enablers for a long, long, long time-- sometimes until you die or they do. If they do come to their senses you simply find another women to deploy the rules upon (and they are really easy to find).

Cyranoak

P.s. I love you. See how easy it is?

P.p.s. For those who are literal, the first P.s. was meant to be ironic to make a point. BTW, I love you too. See? Easy! I did it again! Still irony to make a point.