MeredithD1

re: May 17'ths ODAT...

ALL FACETS OF LIFE.

I find that to be more and more true every day. I sometimes get puzzled by people who only attend/work Al-Anon when their A is drinking.

My AH tried starting a "poison argument" with me Friday. I call them "poison" because he's in active alcoholism (not recovery) and looking to ease his guilt or for me to give him a "reason to drink" by something I say or do.

I removed myself from his periphery and went to see a friend. I know he drank when I left. That's not something I caused. That's not something I can control. That's not something I can cure. I can only do for me what I need to do for me, regardless of whether or not my AH is drinking.

Thank you Al-Anon for these teachings.

MeredithD1

May 18 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Once upon a time, a woman came to Al-Anon to find out how to make her husband stop drinking. She was extremely well-informed about alcoholism; she’d read a lot of books. Now she was about to give Al-Anon a chance.

After six months of attendance at meetings, and reading all the Al-Anon literature, she could certainly talk wonderful Al-Anon, except that she wasn’t really powerless over anything. She had her way of using the program.

She went to AA open meeting and made friends. She introduced them to her husband (when he could navigate enough to go to a meeting with her). In time, she built up quite a stable of sponsors for him. Every day, she’d call somebody to remind him to call her husband, to come over and talk to him, or to take him to a closed meeting.

Her husband was dragged off to seven meeting a week. He agreed with everyone that AA was great. He was a mechanized puppet, powered by his wife’s Determined Will. When it was discovered that she had set up a Great Big Multi-Sponsor Operation, the sponsors bowed out.

She wasn’t powerless. Oh No! But her husband kept on drinking, It was the only way the poor man could escape from the Terrible Domestic Powerhouse.

MeredithD1

May 19 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The newcomer to Al-Anon is looking for answers to a problem. The questions often begin with these two words: “WHAT IF…” What if we lose our home. What if he has an accident with the car? What if he stays out all night, loses his job, gets into fights, and goes to jail? What if…?

In Al-Anon, we call this “projecting” – looking into the future and trying to imagine what may happen. The future – even as close as tomorrow – is a closed book. We cannot know what it holds, and the more we look for disaster, the more we invite it. Because the past has been unhappy is no index that the future will continue to be. This is something only God knows, and we would do well to trust in His loving wisdom and root out all our thoughts that “things can’t get better.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

It is health to the mind and body to look to the future with confidence. Lifting up our hearts is better preparation for disappointments, if they should come. Negative anticipating only increases the impact of unhappy incidents. Let’s improve the outlook!

“ ’The thing that I have greatly feared has come upon me…’ says the Bible. I will not give reality to trouble that may never come.”

MeredithD1

May 20 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It is said in AA that the alcoholic who concentrates on the study and application of the Twelve Steps is bound to make good progress in the program.

This is just as true for us in Al-Anon. We, too, need to spend some time each day contemplating the marvelous light with which the Steps illuminate all our human problems. Neither alcoholic nor non-alcoholic limits his aspirations to sobriety alone; that is only the beginning. The Steps are a guide to total good living. As such, we would deprive ourselves of a precious boon in not realizing what they can do for us.

TODAY’S REMINDER

When I read a Step, and think about it deeply, I find it opens the door to new insights. When I read that same Step again, it again reveals new spiritual ideas. They seem to dig into our consciousness and unearth for us the wonderful potential for good in all our relationships with life.

“If I had only half an hour of quiet time alone each day, I would devote it to studying the Twelve Steps so they would ultimately become an integral part of my thinking.”

MeredithD1

May 21 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes, an over-eager newcomer asks a number of people for advice about a problem or is forever calling up various members to get their views on her troubles. For her, there is one good piece of advice: “Get yourself ONE sponsor, and stop confusing yourself by trying to coordinate too many opinions.”

She is trying to get all the answers at once, because she’s in a hurry to put Al-Anon’s magic to work. She assumes, of course, that she will be wise enough to sort out the right answer FOR HER, from the welter of personal opinions, but her whole approach shows that she would be incapable of making a wise decision. She needs to go slow, let go, keep it simple.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Even when an Al-Anon member shows a confused or negative approach to the program, it can be a lesson to me. A single one of The Twelve Steps, a single Slogan, or the Serenity Prayer, used constantly, can clear my thinking and help me to solve my problem in a way that is right for me.

“Let not my thinking become confused by listening to too many opinions, but let me consider each one individually to see if it can be of help to me.”

MeredithD1

May 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

“To get a good, firm hold on the Al-Anon idea,” said a speaker one evening, “Keep it Simple!” Because it is simple and our slogans prove it. The whole purpose of Al-Anon is to help us iron out the rough spots in our living, and that can be done only One Day at a Time.

“Do you see what I’m trying to tell you?” he went on. “Those were two of our slogans, part of our Al-Anon therapy: Keep It Simple and One Day at a Time.

“Let’s take a look at the others and notice how all of them are aimed at a relaxed approach. ‘Away with grim determination, hurry and fretting,’ says Al-Anon to her confused and struggle-weary members.

“Here are those great tension-relievers: Let Go and Let God – Easy Does It – Live and Let Live – First Things First.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will remind myself every day, and in all times of tension, to let go and relax. I will realize that, even in doing nothing about my problems, I am actively practicing the Al-Anon idea.

“Slow motion gets you there faster.” – (attributed to songwriter Hoagy Carmichael)

MeredithD1

May 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The First Step tells me that I am powerless over alcohol, which is admittedly stronger than I am, since there was no way for me to keep the drinker away from the bottle. It also suggests that the confusion arising from this helplessness has done things to my life that are not easy to endure. Then, going on to Step Two, I discover that the Twelve Steps are a closely-linked chain that will give me a clear understanding of my situation.

It says: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This means that although we cannot help ourselves, there is help at hand. I am required to admit, also, that my own behavior was not sane. This is an invitation to humility, without which there can be no progress.

TODAY’s REMINDER

Surrender to a Higher Power, and the humility to make that surrender complete, is the first move we make toward relief from an intolerable condition. If I will do my part, I can rely on my Higher Power to open my eyes to solutions and restore me to peace and order.

“Comfort and a peaceful heart are the rewards of those who rely on His help.”

May 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The twelve simple words of the First Step embrace a whole philosophy of life. Books could be written on the subject of personal surrender suggested by the first six words: “admitted we were powerless over alcohol.” The next six represent our acknowledgement that we have not yet learned to handle our affairs wisely: “…that our lives have become unmanageable.” The First Step prepares us for a new life, which we can achieve only by letting go of what we cannot control, and by undertaking, one day at a time, the monumental task of setting our world in order through a change in our own thinking.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will apply the wisdom of the First Step not only to my relations with the alcoholic, but to all the people and happenings in my life. I will not attempt to manage or control what is clearly beyond my powers; I will dedicate myself to managing my own life, and only mine.

“There’s only one corner of the world you can be sure of improving and that is your own self.”

MeredithD1

May 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Why do I do what I do? Why did I say what I did? Why did I put off an urgent task? Questions like these, best asked of myself in a quiet time of meditation, demand honest answers. I may have to think deep for them. I must go past al the tempting self-justifications, the “reasons” that lack the shine of truth. I tell myself that self-deception can only damage me in giving me a foggy, unreal picture of the person I really am.

When I have given myself the answers, I will have made a good start in rooting out some of the shortcomings that block my search for serenity.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I can prepare myself to make decisions only by becoming aware of the kind of person I am, by getting acquainted with myself. I know I must acknowledge what is wrong, but I must also recognize my good qualities, for they are the foundation of growth.

“To make good choices, I must develop a mature and prudent understanding of myself that will reveal to me my real motives and intentions.” – (Thomas Merton: NO MAN is an ISLAND)*

MeredithD1

May 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes, it seems to us that we have more than a fair share of problems. We’re so submerged in them, that we can’t imagine any way out. It’s like trying to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps to raise our thoughts out of this frantic state.

We can do it, though, if we learn to use the leverage of God’s help. It is always with us, ready to give us the lift we need. What happens then is that we are enabled to see beyond what seems to be. In Al-Anon, we call this getting a perspective on our troubles, instead of pinpointing our thoughts on the trouble.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Whatever may happen today, I will think of it as a challenge, which I am well able to meet. If it is good, I will receive it gratefully as a special gift. If it is not good, I will deal with it as well as I can, knowing it will pass if I do not let it overwhelm me. I will not let the good make me complacent, nor will I allow the not good to drown me in despair.

“Things cannot always go as you want them to. Accept disappointment quietly; cultivate the gift of silence when speaking may aggravate the difficulty.”

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May 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We hear about the alcoholic having a “slip,” returning suddenly to the bottle after a period of sobriety. We deplore it when it happens in our family, and most of us must confess that at this point, we angrily blame the alcoholic for the lapse. If, however, I think of this as a “relapse,” it will help to remind me that alcoholism is a disease that is not cured when sobriety takes over. I can no more blame the alcoholic than I would blame him for a relapse in any other disease.

I, too, have lapses from the Al-Anon pattern I have tried so hard to follow. When I fall into my old habits of self-pity and reproaching, my relapse is just as involuntary and forgivable as that of the alcoholic.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The bad moments will pass if I do not blow them up into tragedies. An old popular song says, “Pick yourself up, and dust yourself off, start all over again.” Al-Anon thinking can help me accept these shocks with equanimity and send me on my way to a better tomorrow.

“I wonder if we non-alcoholics have ever realized that a relapse is a lot more painful to the alcoholic than it is to us. Let’s not make it worse!”

MeredithD1

May 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The great danger of admitting resentment into our minds and hearts is that it often leads to retaliation. We feel justified in “evening up the score” and paying others back for what they have done to us.

But how can I logically punish someone for what he or she did to me when I cannot fathom intentions or motives Perhaps the hurt was not intended; perhaps we were over-sensitive. Or, as in the case of the alcoholic, most of us have suffered from unkindness. We have often been told in Al-Anon that the alcoholic’s behavior toward the family is actually the backlash from his or her own guilt and self-hatred.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Nobody has given me the right to punish anyone for anything; our higher Power has reserved that right to Himself – “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.” Therefore any attempt at retaliation for injury can only react unhappily on me.

“In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments – there are consequences.” (Robert G. Ingersoll)

MeredithD1

May 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It isn’t easy to grasp the Al-Anon idea of detachment. We are told to detach from the problem, but not from the suffering alcoholic. Yet, when one disaster after another overtakes us, it is hard to distinguish between them.

Some try to do it by making a grim resolve not to speak. Such silence, filled with bitterness and anger, screams louder than words. It hurts us; it gives the alcoholic a cause for grievance, and it does nothing to communicate our love and compassion.

Others look for distractions to such a time-filling degree that their first duties are neglected, duties to the family and the home, including the alcoholic.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Detaching our minds from the problem can truly promote our spiritual growth, and lessen the unrecognized personal guilt we carry around within us. It can lift the mind away from the partner’s doings. Such detachment shows us each new day as an opportunity to free ourselves from a sense of injury that is a blend of resentment and self-pity.

“When I detach my mind from what is troubling me, my problems often solve themselves. Or it may be that leaving them to God give Him a chance to take a hand in my affairs.”

MeredithD1

May 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes, in an Al-Anon meeting, someone makes a casual remark that reaches into my consciousness and takes hold. It comes to mind again and again, because it gives me a new way of looking at things.

It might be a perfectly commonplace phrase; even a worn-out cliché that would have no significance until it appears in a new context. Then it springs into life and becomes a vital tool in understanding the Al-Anon program.

One member, explaining how she finally “got” the Al-Anon idea, said, “I just figured out that it all boils down to four words: Mind Your Own Business.”

(It is) an ill-natured phrase as commonly used, but as applied in Al-Anon, it makes good sense.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will concentrate on the things that are my concern – and make sure which really are mine. I will keep hands off the business of others. I will not interfere with the alcoholic’s activities, assume his responsibilities or shield him from the consequences of what he does.

“When you are offended at anyone’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. By attending to them, you will forget your anger and learn to live wisely.”

MeredithD1

May 31 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The phrase, “to create a crisis to make the alcoholic come to his senses,” is often misunderstood and wrongly applied. It does not mean that we should interfere with the drinker’s activities or plan pitfalls for him or do anything that is punishment for the desperate sickness of alcoholism. Such actions cannot be excused on the ground that “it’s for his own good.” God did not give us the right to decide what is for anyone else’s good; we would need His own Divine insight to know what drives the alcoholic to his frantic escape from reality.

TODAY’S REMINDER

No one needs to create a crisis for the alcoholic. He is heading toward the ultimate crisis every time alcohol takes control of him. Our role is to allow the inevitable consequences to overtake the unhappy drinker, as they surely will if we keep ourselves from doing anything to prevent it. The trouble that finally faces the alcoholic will be of his own making.

“Scheming to outwit the addicted person is doomed to failure. Let’s examine our own motives to be sure we’re not playing self-defeating games. We will have to dig deep for this kind of honesty, but it’s well worth it.”

MeredithD1

June 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

A member reminded a group one evening of a story in our book, AL-ANON FACES ALCOHOLISM, of the experiences of a commuter who talked with strangers each day on the trains as she went to work. On every trip, she found someone with a problem of alcoholism; a young father taking his child to be cared for by his mother; an older man whose successful business finally went down the drain because of a drinking partner; a woman who, at sixty, had to take on the responsibility for grandchildren because both her son and his wife were alcoholics.

“These brief sketches proved one thing to me,” the member said. “When we realize how prevalent the problem is, it’s up to us to keep alert to help such people find Al-Anon. Every one of us could help somebody – a neighbor, a relative, a friend, or even a stranger. We need to do that kind of helping - - it does so much for our own growth.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

The Al-Anon program is a precious gift; I want to share it. I will not deprive myself of the opportunity of helping those who need it.

“What I can give is never as much as I get from the giving.”

MeredithD1

June 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In Al-Anon, we hear many warnings against harboring resentment. It is a rare person who does not yield to resentment when he feels wronged by someone. Or we resent our fate, our bad luck, our lot in life.

No amount of self-discipline can heal us of resentment. Sometimes, it seems the more we struggle against it, the more it sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil.

We know it’s destructive; we may earnestly want to free ourselves from it, What can we do?

First, we think of our own personal good. Does it hurt the person we are resenting? Or does it hurt us? Then we reflect that this damaging emotion comes from not understanding its cause. Let’s dissect it and find out what, inside us, made us react the way we did.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I have no room for resentment in my new Al-Anon way of life. I will not fight it with grim determination, but will reason it out of existence by calmly uncovering its cause.

An Al-Anon member wrote, “The best antidote for resentment is the continual practice of gratitude.”

“Nothing on earth consumes a man more completely than the passion of resentment.” (Friedrich Neitzche)

MeredithD1

June 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Philosophers, clear back to the ancient Greeks, have always made much of the idea of correcting bad habits by daily practice of good ones. In Al-Anon, we make much of this, too. We learn we cannot go on functioning as we have been, impulsively and automatically, if we hope to improve our lives.

If we really do want peace of mind, the first thing to realize is that it Does Not Depend On Conditions Outside Us, but those inside us. An honest search of our own motives may show that we relish our martyrdom or that we fear, subconsciously, that we deserve it.

When we find the causes of our distress and frustration, we can establish corrective habits to overcome them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

A program of self-recognition and self-change “reads easy and does hard.” Many failures come from trying to do too much too fast – and from expecting results overnight. I will search out just one fault, one bad habit, and work to eliminate that. As I observe the changes this effort brings about in my outside circumstances, I will find the courage to keep on changing myself for the better.

“It is no easy thing for a principle to become a man’s own unless each day he maintain it and work it out in his life.” - Epictetus

MeredithD1

June 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

IN Al-Anon we gradually come to realize the important influence that prayer has in our lives. The idea of prayer (how, why, when) calls for some reflection on our part.

If I were to pray: “MY will be done,” wouldn’t it be exactly what I am saying when I ask God to do what I want? If I were to receive what I pray for, would it satisfy me and make me really happy? Do I always know what is best for me?

Prayer, then, is not the act of giving directions to God, but to ask to learn His will.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It should not be so hard for us to accept the obvious fact that few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains in the hands of God. This is the best reason for limiting our prayers to requests for guidance, for an open mind to receive it, and for courage and confidence to use it.

“I pray to be able to wait patiently for the knowledge of God’s will for me.”

MeredithD1

June 5 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

“Nobody,” said an Al-Anon member, “seems to give us credit for the courage it takes to live with an alcoholic.”

Of course it takes courage, just as it takes courage to face life under any circumstances.

We need courage to believe that no situation is hopeless, to keep cheerful when we have cause for despair, to resist the impulse to complain to others about our sorry lot. It takes a lot of courage to resist the temptation to take over the alcoholic’s responsibilities, until we accept the fact that we are only hindering his recovery by doing so.

Above all, it takes courage not to APPEAR courageous as so many do, hoping for sympathy from relatives, friends and neighbors. “Poor brave little woman,” may be food for the self-pitying ego, but it weakens character and destroys dignity.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Do I lack the confidence and the courage to do the things that will improve my situation? Am I afraid to let go of another person’s obligations? Can I refrain from doing what can only hinder improvements? I may not have the necessary strength and confidence, but I can find them by turning to God and asking for His guidance.

“Prayers for courage and guidance never go unanswered. But I must be ready to act on that guidance.”

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...and have some understanding of WHAT that Divine Guidance is telling me. I am facing a personal challenge right now in regard to my AH. I don't know the answer to the situation right now and I ask that you please keep me in your prayers to understand what Divine Guidance I am receiving and act on that guidance. Thank you.

MeredithD1

June 6 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

“Now are come salvation and strength…”

This phrase from the Bible was used by an Al-Anon group as a meeting topic. Each member told how he or she was “saved” from making rash and perhaps tragic mistakes in dealing with a problem of alcoholism, and how Al-Anon’s inspiration provided the strength to meet the situation with poise and serenity – and confidence in the outcome.

Most of us who have taken the program to heart and really applied it to our lives have had such experiences. But we must do the work for ourselves, with constant reading, meditation, prayer – and giving of ourselves to help others.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The miracles I hear of in Al-Anon do not happen to people unless they use their minds and hearts to bring them about. Freely shared experience, strength and hope are at hand to save me from discouragement and confusion. Do I want this help? If I do, I will use a spiritual pattern of living for the solution of all my problems.

“I soon learned, after a number of lapses, that Al-Anon didn’t’ just mean an evening out, listening to a speaker, and forgetting the whole thing until the next meeting. It’s an everyday program that nobody else can work for me.”

MeredithD1

June 7 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Suppose, in taking a break from my whirling thoughts, I settle down quietly to think about the word “courtesy.” It means far more than mere politeness; you can be polite without an iota of personal love. Courtesy, on the other hand, is an expression of love, warm concern for the other person’s comfort, peace of mind and wellbeing. Even giving directions to a confused stranger can be an act of courtesy, if I take the trouble to be explicit and reassuring.

The practice of courtesy in the home gives us many opportunities each day to convey our love in little ways, yet we often overlook it in routine contacts with those we love.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will take every opportunity to be courteous to those nearest me, as well as those outside my orbit. The warmth and kindness of courtesy will take the sting out of resentments, and give dignity and importance to the members of my household, making them feel secure and loved.

“Courtesy makes a less troublesome game of life. Misunderstandings melt away; it gets rid of the avoidable obstructions.”