He will not give me info re: the money he owes me
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
He will not give me info re: the money he owes me
So for 2 weeks I have been waiting for the AXBF to give me his account of what he thinks he owes me, which is about $500 less than I've calculated. He said he wants to settle it out of court and start paying me back. I said fine, then give me your figures so we can come to an agreement on the amount.
He emailed me today saying he's been working overtime and he just doesn't have the time to give me the numbers. I only need figures for three things; I have all the rest written down. I am furious that he is obviously drawing this out for some twisted reason: either he wants to take his time paying me back, or he wants to have a reason to keep me emailing him and vice versa. Or both. I just want him out of my life! Advice?
He emailed me today saying he's been working overtime and he just doesn't have the time to give me the numbers. I only need figures for three things; I have all the rest written down. I am furious that he is obviously drawing this out for some twisted reason: either he wants to take his time paying me back, or he wants to have a reason to keep me emailing him and vice versa. Or both. I just want him out of my life! Advice?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
then I'm with Lateda, small claims court. He might drag this out forever so you may want to think about how much you might want to settle with him just to get him out of your life. Please know that as I write that it's killing me to even suggest that but if he hasn't done the decent thing so far he might never do it.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
What a winner is right! He is may be very slippery if he didn't even pay his own probation fees and left it up to you, he might feel like doing the same kiss to the courts when you take him to small claims. Although when you mention to the judge why he owes you the money in the first place they may make a real effort to collect the money.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Yes, fedup, I hope when the court finds that most of the money I loaned him pertains to probation fees, getting his license reinstated after the DUIs, etc., they will throw the book at him. I know I'd like to throw a book at him! Oh, wait, that's what happened to me last month when I took away his car keys and he threw hardcover books and other household objects at me in a drunken rage. Sigh...
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I agree with the others. If there is some way that you can go to court, have a pro bono attorney handle the situation, and not have to worry about it, you will be better off.
He is going to keep messing with you until he pays you back, which is never, so he can keep messing with you. Taking him to court will let him know you really are serious about this.
He is going to keep messing with you until he pays you back, which is never, so he can keep messing with you. Taking him to court will let him know you really are serious about this.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
My friend's husband is an attorney, so I will ask him to help me file. I could cry with frustration and embarrassment that I loaned him so much money. I feel just sick about it.
He seems to be wanting to keep me in his world in some twisted way. He pressured me yesterday via email to set up a time to "talk about our relationship this weekend". It's over, it's been over for two weeks, and I don't ever want to talk to him again. I just want my damn money back.
My therapist thinks he is doing whatever he can to suck me back in. I am not going back to him, and I've become afraid of his anger when he's drunk. I have an alarm system, thank the Lord.
My mother and therapist said I should notify him not to contact me anymore, and then file a harassment complaint if he does. I can't believe it's come to this. I have never had a relationship end like this, but I've never dated an alcoholic before this, either.
He is destroying my sense of peace. I have to stay cold and just file the claim.
He seems to be wanting to keep me in his world in some twisted way. He pressured me yesterday via email to set up a time to "talk about our relationship this weekend". It's over, it's been over for two weeks, and I don't ever want to talk to him again. I just want my damn money back.
My therapist thinks he is doing whatever he can to suck me back in. I am not going back to him, and I've become afraid of his anger when he's drunk. I have an alarm system, thank the Lord.
My mother and therapist said I should notify him not to contact me anymore, and then file a harassment complaint if he does. I can't believe it's come to this. I have never had a relationship end like this, but I've never dated an alcoholic before this, either.
He is destroying my sense of peace. I have to stay cold and just file the claim.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Stop asking him. You are wasting your breath and time and creating additional stress. Either write off the money or use the court system to get it back if you think it's worth it. Then let it, and him, go.
Move on with your life. He's a vampire and you are currently helping him suck every last drop of blood from you. When you are in a hole, stop digging. It doesn't make the hole less deep at that moment, but it puts you in a position to start filling it in so you can get out.
Stop expecting alcoholics to do the right thing, act rationally, or change thier behavior. As long as they are drinking none of that will ever happen. Ever.
Cyranoak
Move on with your life. He's a vampire and you are currently helping him suck every last drop of blood from you. When you are in a hole, stop digging. It doesn't make the hole less deep at that moment, but it puts you in a position to start filling it in so you can get out.
Stop expecting alcoholics to do the right thing, act rationally, or change thier behavior. As long as they are drinking none of that will ever happen. Ever.
Cyranoak
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He just wants you to be as miserable as he is. He wants to get under your skin, because in his mind, you are doing the same to him.
Obviously, you aren't but try explaining that to HIM.
So you have to be tough, or you may live the rest of your life without peace.
Obviously, you aren't but try explaining that to HIM.
So you have to be tough, or you may live the rest of your life without peace.
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That is why I make EVERYONE who borrows money from me sign a contract. I rip it up when I get paid back. I am in school to be a lawyer, so I try to make sure I have the law on my side all the time, so I can use it against someone if they do me wrong.
I have a problem trusting everyone, not just alcoholics.
Interestingly enough, it's the alcoholics that always manage to pay me back, even though it takes forever to do it...
I have a problem trusting everyone, not just alcoholics.
Interestingly enough, it's the alcoholics that always manage to pay me back, even though it takes forever to do it...
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
changeschoices,
But, it HAS come to this, this relationship has not ended yet, even though you are no longer dating him.
Your mother and therapist have the best idea, next to suing him for the money he owes you. Let him know legally (however it is done in your state) that you no longer want to communicate with him in any way shape or form. He is an angry drunk and therefore unsafe. He will communicate anyway, because he will think he is above the law, and you have allowed (do not worry, now you know better) him to pressure you before. This is when the rubber meets the road changes, you MUST call the police, no matter how small you think the "offense" is, otherwise you will just get more of the same. Take every word he gets to you as more of his entitled self pressuring his way into your life again.
Sue him for this money, every damn cent. He thinks this is over. (my ex thought everything was over the next day LOL) Nope, he will want to talk to you, but he cannot because you will have an order of protection. He can speak to your attorney. He can rant at the attorney or his attorney, but every mistake or mis-step he makes will now become a matter of record.
He is toxic. Look at him like he is a very contagious form of leprosy, so contagious he can even transmit it over the phone! Stay away-- get something between you and him, like an attorney and your order of protection.
Wow, I think I went overboard, things I wish I had done changeschoices.
Beth
ETA while i was writing my opus there were like 5 more posts!
:ghug3
I can't believe it's come to this. I have never had a relationship end like this, but I've never dated an alcoholic before this, either.
Your mother and therapist have the best idea, next to suing him for the money he owes you. Let him know legally (however it is done in your state) that you no longer want to communicate with him in any way shape or form. He is an angry drunk and therefore unsafe. He will communicate anyway, because he will think he is above the law, and you have allowed (do not worry, now you know better) him to pressure you before. This is when the rubber meets the road changes, you MUST call the police, no matter how small you think the "offense" is, otherwise you will just get more of the same. Take every word he gets to you as more of his entitled self pressuring his way into your life again.
Sue him for this money, every damn cent. He thinks this is over. (my ex thought everything was over the next day LOL) Nope, he will want to talk to you, but he cannot because you will have an order of protection. He can speak to your attorney. He can rant at the attorney or his attorney, but every mistake or mis-step he makes will now become a matter of record.
He is toxic. Look at him like he is a very contagious form of leprosy, so contagious he can even transmit it over the phone! Stay away-- get something between you and him, like an attorney and your order of protection.
Wow, I think I went overboard, things I wish I had done changeschoices.
Beth
ETA while i was writing my opus there were like 5 more posts!
:ghug3
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