New here. Confused in my situation.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
That's quite a list.
I was going from your original posting, "shows little interest in alot of things."
You also mentioned that you met him shortly after he divorced and left the Morman church. He may need to explore himself and trip the light fantastic for awhile on his own before he has landed. Sounds like the proverbial 'kid in a candy store.' In any case, it is a problem if it's a problem for you, but there isn't a thing you can do about it.
I was going from your original posting, "shows little interest in alot of things."
You also mentioned that you met him shortly after he divorced and left the Morman church. He may need to explore himself and trip the light fantastic for awhile on his own before he has landed. Sounds like the proverbial 'kid in a candy store.' In any case, it is a problem if it's a problem for you, but there isn't a thing you can do about it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38
Lies to you about drinking because you over react? If you read more posts you will see that lies and blame are standard traits for an alchoholic.
My AH didn't drink as much before we married, several years after was when the problem was clear. Then I find out from his family that he had issues before dating me. Yes the signs were there - but I didn't see it clearly and had no idea how BAD it could get.
Knowing what I know now, I would suggest keep reading/posting here so your eyes are "wide open", go to a few alanon meetings. Knowing more about the disease may help you either notice things or become comfortable with what he tells you.
You likely came here because your gut instinct is telling you that something isn't right. After all I have been through I would recommend paying attention to you instincts.
My AH didn't drink as much before we married, several years after was when the problem was clear. Then I find out from his family that he had issues before dating me. Yes the signs were there - but I didn't see it clearly and had no idea how BAD it could get.
Knowing what I know now, I would suggest keep reading/posting here so your eyes are "wide open", go to a few alanon meetings. Knowing more about the disease may help you either notice things or become comfortable with what he tells you.
You likely came here because your gut instinct is telling you that something isn't right. After all I have been through I would recommend paying attention to you instincts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
I used to decorate with alcohol stuff so I know exactly what you meant by that. My drinking buddy BFF and I would have "craft nights" where we would make fridge magnets out of beer bottle tops while drinking beer and/or wine. Then we would use the beer bottle tops to hold up our pictures of us going out and partying. I displayed those over-sized and/or decorative margarita and wine glasses on my window ledge as decor, I had a collection of unique and cool-looking shotglasses and flasks, and I was always attracted to and/or bought those funky magnets or posters or keychains that featured old-fashioned women holding up wine-glasses with dialogue bubbles that said things like "he looked different after I drank a few of these," etc. Ugh. Not to mention the tshirts I wore around the house that I got from the shot girls at the bar. I even had a "tin soldier" knight-type figurine guy that was a vodka bottle holder/decoration (that one was actually pretty cool).
When I stopped drinking I moved all of that stuff out of my line of vision and stuffed it into a cupboard, realizing how my life revolved around alcohol to the point that I decorated with alcohol stuff!!! It was very symbolic.
And from everything else you described, this guy is trouble and I highly doubt the good parts override the bad parts, or at least that it would always stay that way. I think you can find a guy with similar good qualities and fun times who DOESN'T lie to you about his drinking (or anything else for that matter).
Teaching a class to other problem drinkers about how to drink moderately? Sounds like the blind leading the blind... the height of denial.
When I stopped drinking I moved all of that stuff out of my line of vision and stuffed it into a cupboard, realizing how my life revolved around alcohol to the point that I decorated with alcohol stuff!!! It was very symbolic.
And from everything else you described, this guy is trouble and I highly doubt the good parts override the bad parts, or at least that it would always stay that way. I think you can find a guy with similar good qualities and fun times who DOESN'T lie to you about his drinking (or anything else for that matter).
Teaching a class to other problem drinkers about how to drink moderately? Sounds like the blind leading the blind... the height of denial.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
No one but you can decide whether or not to continue in this relationship, but may I pose a question? Do you have anxiety over his drinking, his self reports of his drinking, his decorating taste (translation: obsession), this "class" he purports to teach? If so, and you can't discuss it with him, because it makes him "defensive", how will your relationship progress in love and openess.
Your gut told you once that his drinking was an issue. Some folks are normal "social" drinkers, some are problem drinkers. A good definition is "if one of you has a problem with the amount/quality/focus on drinking, then there is a problem". Period.
Good luck. Read some stickies. There is tremendous wisdom and pain here. You may be able to save yourself some heartbreak down the road by choices you make today. The fact that you are posting here suggests that you are in the least, very concerned about your BF.
Be well.
Your gut told you once that his drinking was an issue. Some folks are normal "social" drinkers, some are problem drinkers. A good definition is "if one of you has a problem with the amount/quality/focus on drinking, then there is a problem". Period.
Good luck. Read some stickies. There is tremendous wisdom and pain here. You may be able to save yourself some heartbreak down the road by choices you make today. The fact that you are posting here suggests that you are in the least, very concerned about your BF.
Be well.
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