Pleaseeee answer asap!!!!!! Pleasee please please
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I am an RA, but what I'm convinced turned me INTO an addict is my codependency. I have THREE XABf's. One I spent over 20 years with. The next one introcuded me to crack, and I became an A.
Most codies don't go to this extreme, but I just wanted to be numb to the behaviors of the ex.
#1? He's married to a gf he had when he was with me, and from what I've heard, it's not a good situation. #2? Don't have a clue..he had 2 heart attacks from crack and still kept using. #3? He died...it was more important to smoke that crack pipe than go to a dr. for pneumonia..died in a dope house.
Me? I'm 5+ years into recovery. I'm still dealing with consequences from my using years, but I'm doing the best I can do. I came here, as an A, but I found my "home" in the F&F forum.
I live with my dad, stepmom and niece. Stepmom is an A, dad is an enabler, niece has stopped abusing substances as she is pregnant at age 18. I live in "dysfuntion junction" but I try to do the next right thing.
I work and I'm going to school...those are my priorities. My family doesn't like it? Too bad. I do the best I can to contribute, and I set boundaries. They don't like it, but they'll get over it. I've BEEN an A, and I will not contribute to anyone else who is, no matter how much I love them.
Love didn't get me into recovery...consequences did. I finally got to the point where "enough is enough" and I chose recovrery.
I can't love my stepmom clean, I can't love my dad from enabling, I can't love my niece from thinking that everyone is going to take care of her (which they are...long history of alcholism and ACOA stuff).
I do the best I can do, and if they don't like it? Oh well. I do have to say that I've had some success with my dad. When my niece was talking about what she was going to do (get her GED, get a job), my dad said "show me". He's slowly getting the realization that actions speak louder than words, and it's only because of MY recovery that he's getting it. Howver, what he does has nothing to do with me. Give my niece money because she's broke, but just took a vacation to the beach? NMP..not my problem.
It's not easy dealing with enablers, but it is freeing when we let go of what they do. I keep my side of the street clean, but the rest of my family? They can deal with whatever they feel, and I will detach..even though I live in the same house with them.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Most codies don't go to this extreme, but I just wanted to be numb to the behaviors of the ex.
#1? He's married to a gf he had when he was with me, and from what I've heard, it's not a good situation. #2? Don't have a clue..he had 2 heart attacks from crack and still kept using. #3? He died...it was more important to smoke that crack pipe than go to a dr. for pneumonia..died in a dope house.
Me? I'm 5+ years into recovery. I'm still dealing with consequences from my using years, but I'm doing the best I can do. I came here, as an A, but I found my "home" in the F&F forum.
I live with my dad, stepmom and niece. Stepmom is an A, dad is an enabler, niece has stopped abusing substances as she is pregnant at age 18. I live in "dysfuntion junction" but I try to do the next right thing.
I work and I'm going to school...those are my priorities. My family doesn't like it? Too bad. I do the best I can to contribute, and I set boundaries. They don't like it, but they'll get over it. I've BEEN an A, and I will not contribute to anyone else who is, no matter how much I love them.
Love didn't get me into recovery...consequences did. I finally got to the point where "enough is enough" and I chose recovrery.
I can't love my stepmom clean, I can't love my dad from enabling, I can't love my niece from thinking that everyone is going to take care of her (which they are...long history of alcholism and ACOA stuff).
I do the best I can do, and if they don't like it? Oh well. I do have to say that I've had some success with my dad. When my niece was talking about what she was going to do (get her GED, get a job), my dad said "show me". He's slowly getting the realization that actions speak louder than words, and it's only because of MY recovery that he's getting it. Howver, what he does has nothing to do with me. Give my niece money because she's broke, but just took a vacation to the beach? NMP..not my problem.
It's not easy dealing with enablers, but it is freeing when we let go of what they do. I keep my side of the street clean, but the rest of my family? They can deal with whatever they feel, and I will detach..even though I live in the same house with them.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Something to think about, if you stay with him, the rest of your life "together" will be pure Hades. This is just the beginning of a life long battle. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Cut loose now, while you are young. I suggest no relationship until you join Al Anon or Codependents Anonymous, and find out who you are. Find someone who cherishes you and who you share interests with. Someone who is employed and who doesn't put alcohol or drugs ahead of everything. Learn what your boundaries are and stick to them. Find out the type of person you want to spend time with. This current person and his family are bullying you and you are allowing it. Some of us are sicker than others. Now is a good time for you to heal yourself.
I wish you well!
I wish you well!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
As soon as he gets there, he will be whisked away. From then on, the rehab probably will cut off contact anyway. So what is the critical reason that you need to be there for him? For the joyride?
If you're interested, please read my story about what I learned about myself the day I felt it was critical to support him on his trip to rehab:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dependent.html
If you're interested, please read my story about what I learned about myself the day I felt it was critical to support him on his trip to rehab:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dependent.html
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
I just wanted to show my support. I'm so proud of you for sticking to your guns and putting you first. It is huge that you did not go. You are not selfish. You chose self preservation over self sacrifice. Go you! Please keep us posted!
Many many
to you dear heart.
Love and Light,
Lily
Many many
to you dear heart. Love and Light,
Lily
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