LoveAllGone

I will never understand how the alcoholic mind works...I just cannot get my head wrapped around being "that" selfish.

From one of my previous posts, I went and re-poed my truck from him before he completely destroyed it and I had to pay for it. Also, pressed charges on me and my father.

We were supposed to get the divorced finalized on April 17th and guess what? Him nor his lawyer appeared in court so they rescheduled it for next month...he has no transportation because I went and got the truck that is solely in my name, the loan is in mine and my grandfathers name, and my car title that is also solely in my name is tied up as collateral on this loan. So, if I don't make the payments there goes my credit, my grandpa's credit, my car, and my truck. So, HE KNOWS I WILL MAKE THE PAYMENTS ON THE TRUCK!!! And he was just being an all out ASS trying to tear it up and make me pay for it. He knew they wouldn't give it to him in the divorce because of the way it's tied up unless he paid it off and I don't see him having 10,000 anytime soon.

Anyway, he calls his attorney (that didn't know if he was representing him or not) and his attorney contacts my attorney and tells my attorney that he needs that truck and he's willing to give anything I want in the divorce as long as I will give him the truck. Has this man lost his MIND? Didn't care about any visitation to his child, didn't care what the child support amount was, didn't care about anything but this truck!!!! Am I missing something?

I'm not giving him the truck unless he pays it off but it really got under my skin because of the selfishness...and it breaks my heart for my son's sake. Just seems like if it were me, I'd be saying you can have it all as long as I can be a part of my child's life...that would be my biggest concern.

Sorry so long, just had to get it out before I exploded!

Florence

Honestly? If it were me? Under those terms I'd give him the truck.

m1k3

If I could give my wife 50,000 and the divorce would be over and that would be that I would raid a 401k and pay the penalties just to get it over and done with.

Your friend,

inpieces314

Yup, I agree. It is totally worth it to continue making the payments on the truck just to get him out of your life.

That said, you have to be sure he is serious. Get everything in writing, do whatever it takes, to make sure he can't go back on his word.

Kiana

All the lenders I've ever dealt with have required that the loan be paid off before there can be any name changes on the vehicle. No way would I allow an A to drive a vehicle that was in my name or risk my own (collateral) vehicle. What did your attorney advise?

inpieces314

I agree with that completely.

BUT...what is the difference between letting him drive it DRUNK and MARRIED than letting him drive it DRUNK and DIVORCED? Either way, he is still running the risk of killing someone. The only difference now is the divorce.

If you were planning on paying for the truck anyway while you were together, I don't see the point of keeping it from him because he wants it. If that is all it takes, it is worth it to not go through the heartache of fighting over everything else, custody, etc. etc.

Florence

Sometimes, an ex that isn't in the picture at all is better than one that comes in and out, causes needless drama, manipulates you and your people all the time, messes with your kids' heads, etc. If he's serious and you can get it in writing, that truck is some small beans.

Kiana

I took it as the truck was removed from his possession so there was no driving it going on. I wasn't aware of the history (that the loan was going to be paid off anyway) but I would want to have a legal separation involved so the A is solely legally responsible for their actions, but even if so, whoever's name is on the vehicle will also be involved in case of damages if the A is driving it. I am poor and would not have the means to pay off a loan alone, and then give somebody that amount too. I do wonder what the attorney advised.

theuncertainty

Oh, I'd give anything to not have to deal with AXH or subject DS to his antics while not actively working on his sobriety or doing anything to correct his abusive behavior. My first reaction was "OMG, I'M SO JEALOUS!"

But I get the not wanting to be responsible for any DUI's or their fall out that AXH would collect using my car. It's one reason I didn't let AXH drive my car after I left him.

I'll never understand the way AXH thinks. I'm not sure that I want to understand... I know that when I try to understand, I feel like I'm going crazy. And even though I really don't like that feeling, it's hard sometimes to back away because I want to understand, so I can alleviate, mitigate or predict responses... blech.

LoveAllGone

Kiana-Yes, the truck was removed from his possession by me and my father on Easter Sunday and I took the truck and hid it as my lawyer advised me to do until this mess was resolved. He was drinking and driving it around and acting completely stupid while in possession of the truck. The truck is in mine and my grandfathers name and the insurance on the vehicle is in my name only. Therefore making me solely responsible for it. Lawyer advised to not give him anything---what he put in is what he's getting back out...NOTHING!

Never was an agreement made between us that I would put the loan in my name and pay for the truck regardless of the situation. What happened was I fell for one of his cons...I've been sober 2 months and I will never touch another beer again and we need a truck around here, I swear to you I'm a changed man and there won't be the first late payment and blah, blah, blah. TWO WEEKS AFTER THE TRUCK WAS PURCHASED HE CUT OUT and that was that. He used me to get what he wanted, I fell for it, and there you go.

Anvil--Their excuse was the lawyer hadn't heard from him in a few months so he didn't know whether he was representing him or not and the AH excuse was his lawyer told him he didn't have to be there. And I agree with you 100%!

I don't have to deal with him too much anyway, he runs the roads (construction) and even when we were together he was hardly ever around. He had to be a 'good boy' when home so he just stayed away as much as possible. Now, he just stays away completely but assumes he's "entitled" to something...I don't owe him. And I've given to him for too long and it's time to take back for a change.

Florence--It wouldn't matter if the judge, the pope, and Jesus himself signed a document stating that he was going to have to do this or pay that...it wouldn't get done. He's got vehicles and 4-wheelers and crap hid out everywhere that are unoperable and he still owes money on but refuses to pay the loans off because the stuff is no good to him anymore. He owes 40,000 of back pay child support on his two kids from a previous marriage and doesn't see them (one he doesn't even claim). Umm...I've known this man to avoid warrants out for his arrest for up to 2 yrs. He doesn't care...he wants what he wants for the moment after he's done, he leave his mess for someone else to clean up. I'm done being a mop!

Tuffgirl

I wouldn't even waste the breath to respond to this "offer".

If he wants a truck, he can do what real men do and go buy himself one.

ODAT63

Since when and alcoholic keeps his promises!!!
No I wouldn't give him the truck either. Yes, they are a**holes, no they do not care about their children, Yes their are very....very selfish jerks.

Kiana

Good for you.

wanttobehealthy

Nope, you can't get your head wrapped around it. This is coming from the woman who spent every ounce of energy for the past 3-4 years trying to "figure out" my AH. End result? I made myself crazy, wasn't a great mom to my kids and AH continued/continues to make not one bit of sense. My T has told me for nearly 2 yrs and finally I understand (slow learner I guess!) that my AH told me w his actions for quite some time, just who he was and I was the one who wasn't accepting of it. Trying to understand an A's behavior seems to me (based on my own experience) to be an exercise in not wanting to accept what it smack in front of our face.

Why wouldn't the judge just grant the divorce if he fails to show?

I don't think handing over the truck to him with it in your name would be a good move. It's not really your responsibility to make sure he gets to court. He's a grown man and should be able to figure it out. How long does the divorce get dragged on if he continues to fail to show?

LoveAllGone

Want to be healthy...supposedly if he doesn't show in May they are going to finalize it regardless. I'm praying! It's been 8 months since I filed and it's time something is done. I hope he just moves on to his next victim and forgets that we exist. It's sad for my son but in the long run it will be much better for him.

Carol Star

Four years post divorce titles,taxes, DMV stuff still isn't straight. If you give him the truck get it all paid off, out of your name, off taxes etc.....that stuff is a nightmare.

Florence

Hear hear! Screw him then.

inpieces314

My ABF was married once, and the ex-wife never showed up. In the state I live in, there is no separation, only limited divorce (which is technically separation but everything is taken care of beforehand) and absolute divorce, which is without separation. He filed for absolute because he had proof of adultery, and she never showed up to the hearing, and this is after they sent all kinds of paperwork to her in the mail so she could fight it. So the judge just gave it to him, because obviously she didn't care enough to come fight the divorce or anything.