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Here comes the favors request

Old 04-23-2012, 05:18 PM
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Here comes the favors request

So, AH just told me that he's losing his license for the month of May. He asked me to give him a ride to the airport next week. He told me he could take the shuttle but, of course, threw out the fact that it would cost $120 for both directions. We don't live near public transportation of any kind so can't force him to take the bus. He asked me if I would be willing to do this and I couldn't give a yes or no answer. I told him to let me think about it but he walked away and said, "That's Ok, I'll just take the shuttle." You know what bugs me the most is that I HATE throwing money down the toilet like that. I could just drive him, fit it into my schedule, and do it. Yet, what also bothers me is that he says, "I don't want to be driving illegally." Hmm, well what about the driving around in CA you are planning on doing when you get there for work? Wouldn't that be considered driving illegally? What's the difference? So, I find myself getting angry, resentful, and frustrated and I haven't even agreed to anything yet! UGH!
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Old 04-23-2012, 05:30 PM
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I understand. When married it is very difficult to detach and let them suffer their own consequences because the consequences so often impact us too..or at least that was my experience.

I often ended up picking the least of two evils. It was hard and I had a lot of resentment over stuff like that. I wasn't attending al-anon at that time. I wish I would have been.
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Old 04-23-2012, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
how would you react if it was anyone other than him? if a friend asked for a ride to the airport? or a co-worker? cuz really, THAT is all that is going on here...he ASKED for a RIDE. you either want to give ride or not. all the backstory is irrelevant, the deeper MEANING. stick to the facts, the moment, not the swirling miasma of chaos.
Thank you, that actually helps me release myself from some of the crap. I am leaning towards just doing the ride and forgetting the fact that he is going to drive illegally while away. I keep forgetting that I need to leave all that in my HP's hands and I really don't feel like losing more money than we're already going to lose. Unfortunately, I also don't want to set a precedent of driving him everywhere else, too, especially when it comes jail time.
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Old 04-23-2012, 06:52 PM
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my guess, Anvil...is that it took you a while to get to that point of thinking that way. Thanks for sharing that - it helps to remind me of healthier thinking
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Old 04-24-2012, 12:46 AM
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anvilhead, that post is incredibly helpful, thank you. I torment myself over decisions like these, so will definitely take a big learning from it this morning.
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:35 AM
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Well, I decided to give him the ride anyway, mainly because of what anvilhead said above. I guess I felt saving the money would save my sanity more at this point. Of course, when I talked to him last night about it and told him, he told me that may not got anyway. I told him my schedule and what appointments I had and asked him to get flights that would work with the schedule, if he does decide to go at some point.

He, again, went off last night about how he just wants to get his punishment over with and how stupid the court system is, etc. He locked himself in his office last night with his NA beer, probably thinking that maybe the NA beer would substitute the real thing. This was all after he got into with our HOA board at a meeting last night and he felt they weren't playing fair. And, I again feel like he's on the same roller coaster that led him to start drinking again in the first place. Entitlement mentality, poor poor me, the world is against me and I can prove it, etc. So much for learning any lessons yet.
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