Angie777

Hello, I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I have so many many questions. I will give a brief description. I was with my husband for 5 years, we had 2 children a boy now 4 and a girl almost 2.
He was a loving father and we got along great when he was sober. But he always drank, and everytime he drank he would be abusive verbally and he would be aggressive. In the last 2 years it started to escalate. He was always drunk and almost never sober. I would kick him out of the house so he would go to his mothers where he would continue to drink. It got to the point where he couldnt get a job so he never had money so he would drink pure rubbing alcohol and he once drank his mothers perfume.
I tried to help him, even got him in an AA program, nothing helped. Everytime he was drunk he would say he was going to kill me or one of the children. He would call me the most horrible names and say I made him sick. He would scream and shout and try to physically hurt me. It was so awful.
This last time I called the cops on him and have not let him come back. I am now seperated, but I am so confused.

When he was sober he would say he really loved me and his kids were the world to him. He would cry and beg me no to leave him. He promised he was going to change and never again drink. And 2 or 3 hours after that he would be drunk and with the same aggresive atitude.

WHY?? WHY ARE ALCOHOLICS SO SELFISH?? He doesnt support our children and he doesnt care we are alone and struggling.

All he does is drink, it is so frustrating. He has hallucinated from all the alcohol, he has peed and vomited blood. He is really messed up inside his body.

I am crushed, but I am sure I made the right decision in getting away from him. I used to love him with all my heart and soul and he crushed that love with his treatment towards me. He made me begin to hate him!

WHY CANT HE STOP DRINKING????? HE WAS IN REHAB 2 WHOLE MONTHS AND AFTER HE GOT OUT HE ONLY STAYED SOBER 1 MONTH AND A HALF.

Sometimes I feel like I hate him so much and that I wish I would never see him again, and other times I cry my eyes out, feeling a deep saddness for my children for the kind of father they have.

Does this feeling ever pass?

Thank you all for reading.

choublak

Hello and welcome. You did the right thing by removing yourself and your children from a dangerous situation. Children have no say in these situations, so it is up to you to be their voice.

dollydo

Welcome...be assured that you did the right thing by removing him from your home, children are the true victims when being exposed to addiction.

I would suggest that you read the stickies at the top of this page and the ones in the F & F of Substance Abusers...addicts all operate the same way...it's all me, me..I..I.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I am glad you found us, but sorry for the reason that brought you here. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand, and we are here to support you.

I want to tell you that in my opinion: You are a Good Mom! You have removed a toxic person from your home. You have given your children a place of love, nurturing and safety. Good on you.

I learned about the three C's of my husbands alcoholism when I first arrived here:

I did not Cause it
I could not Control it
I would not Cure it

The addiction and it's consequences belonged to him.

I also learned alot about alcholism here at this site. I learned how addictive alcohol can be to every cell of the human body by reading excerpts (posted here) from the book "Under the Influence" . I went out and bought the book after reading the excerpts.

Here is the link to the excerpts that helped me understand how addictive alcohol is:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html