Feeling guilty
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: SERENITY
Posts: 58
Feeling guilty
Need some support on what my brain is thinking. Just to let you all know that I'm moving in 3 days...Yeah!!
Was having some drama with my daughter. She is a drama Queen. Not making excuses for her behavior but with what this family has been thru, she does not suprise me by what she says or does.
Any who....I called my AH asked him if there were anything he could say to her to make her feel better...blah, blah and blah. He really didnt have anything. That doesnt suprise me either.
Then he goes and tells me that his shaking is getting worse. He has the "shakes" Started about a year and half ago. He is 45 years old.
When he eats, the fork will shake, when he drinks out of cup, the cup will shake. His hands shake. It seems to be worse when he is in front of alot of people. but, he shakes now, no matter what.
He said that he is going to the doctors this week. I noticed that his voice was cutting in and out, like his voice was shaking, too. I told him that he really should go a neurologist, not just the family doctor. I told him that I had to go because the whole conversation was weird and I didnt want him to know and hear my voice cuz I was about to cry.
After I hung up I felt really bad for him. I will be leaving him this week and I wondering if something is seriously wrong with him. What if he needs help? I do know he is still drinking off and on. Plus he is on a handful of meds. At first he thought it was the meds and the doctor (phyciatrist) said it should go away in time, but it hasnt.
My son said that he still drinks vodka but from the gas station not the real liquor, and dilutes it with water. ????
I said "he can still get that drunk off of that little of alcohol?" You see he is a full blown alcoholic and its obvious that his body cant absorb it like it used and he gets drunk off of a little bit. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. He damaged his nervous system, didnt he? Now I feel like a bad wife that is leaving him.
Was having some drama with my daughter. She is a drama Queen. Not making excuses for her behavior but with what this family has been thru, she does not suprise me by what she says or does.
Any who....I called my AH asked him if there were anything he could say to her to make her feel better...blah, blah and blah. He really didnt have anything. That doesnt suprise me either.
Then he goes and tells me that his shaking is getting worse. He has the "shakes" Started about a year and half ago. He is 45 years old.
When he eats, the fork will shake, when he drinks out of cup, the cup will shake. His hands shake. It seems to be worse when he is in front of alot of people. but, he shakes now, no matter what.
He said that he is going to the doctors this week. I noticed that his voice was cutting in and out, like his voice was shaking, too. I told him that he really should go a neurologist, not just the family doctor. I told him that I had to go because the whole conversation was weird and I didnt want him to know and hear my voice cuz I was about to cry.
After I hung up I felt really bad for him. I will be leaving him this week and I wondering if something is seriously wrong with him. What if he needs help? I do know he is still drinking off and on. Plus he is on a handful of meds. At first he thought it was the meds and the doctor (phyciatrist) said it should go away in time, but it hasnt.
My son said that he still drinks vodka but from the gas station not the real liquor, and dilutes it with water. ????
I said "he can still get that drunk off of that little of alcohol?" You see he is a full blown alcoholic and its obvious that his body cant absorb it like it used and he gets drunk off of a little bit. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. He damaged his nervous system, didnt he? Now I feel like a bad wife that is leaving him.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Run!
I just read your post from 2005, and
I believe you have held his hand long enough. Time for him to put on his big boy pants and deal with what remains of his life.
I will be here to hold your hand as you walk towards a life of self care and self love. You deserve it!
I just read your post from 2005, and
I believe you have held his hand long enough. Time for him to put on his big boy pants and deal with what remains of his life.
I will be here to hold your hand as you walk towards a life of self care and self love. You deserve it!
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Your daughter is a product of her enviorment...her childhood...when living with an addict everyone suffers, everyone becomes dysfunctional...that includes you.
This has been going on for years, you are now ready to leave...why in the world would you feel guilty? Time to move forward forever, he did and continues to do this to himself.
This has been going on for years, you are now ready to leave...why in the world would you feel guilty? Time to move forward forever, he did and continues to do this to himself.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
My XABF was sober at the end. I don't know if it was because rehab finally got through to his brain, or because I left, or because he had terminal cancer, or any other possible reasons, but I do know that he was sober when he died.
I also know that never would have happened if I had stayed. Not only would I have subjected myself to more time with an abusive alcoholic, but I would have remained his scapegoat, and so everything wrong would have continued to be my fault in his eyes, and I would have continued to shield him from the consequences because that's what I did.
Just like you didn't cause, you can't control, and you can't cure the alcoholism, you also didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure the side effects of the disease - that's on him.
Whatever he chooses to do is because HE CHOOSES TO DO IT. No other reason.
You've been in his life for how long already? And he's still drinking. What is to say that remaining now will change anything?
You are not required to stay and watch this man commit suicide on the installment plan. I know it's hard to let go...
But if you don't let go he's going to take you down with him, and you deserve better.
I also know that never would have happened if I had stayed. Not only would I have subjected myself to more time with an abusive alcoholic, but I would have remained his scapegoat, and so everything wrong would have continued to be my fault in his eyes, and I would have continued to shield him from the consequences because that's what I did.
Just like you didn't cause, you can't control, and you can't cure the alcoholism, you also didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure the side effects of the disease - that's on him.
Whatever he chooses to do is because HE CHOOSES TO DO IT. No other reason.
You've been in his life for how long already? And he's still drinking. What is to say that remaining now will change anything?
You are not required to stay and watch this man commit suicide on the installment plan. I know it's hard to let go...
But if you don't let go he's going to take you down with him, and you deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
You are not a bad wife or a bad person.
You are a woman. A woman that is taking the steps she needs to in order to take care of herself. To respect herself. You are taking responsibility.
He will go to a doctor, and deal with the findings in any way he chooses. He'll either stop drinking, or not. If there is something else going on, he'll either treat it or not. You will not change the outcome of that scenario one iota by staying.
If he faces those decisions alone that is a result of history. His history that he wrote. He still gets the same health care options not matter what. There is no obligation, responsibility, or anything else from you to him. You won't affect his outcomes.
You are a woman. A woman that is taking the steps she needs to in order to take care of herself. To respect herself. You are taking responsibility.
He will go to a doctor, and deal with the findings in any way he chooses. He'll either stop drinking, or not. If there is something else going on, he'll either treat it or not. You will not change the outcome of that scenario one iota by staying.
If he faces those decisions alone that is a result of history. His history that he wrote. He still gets the same health care options not matter what. There is no obligation, responsibility, or anything else from you to him. You won't affect his outcomes.
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