LaTeeDa

I've seen this reaction many times and have come to believe it is a hallmark of codependency. Someone comes here looking for agreement that their A is wrong and messed up, and then when other posters agree, original poster defends the A they posted about. Taking personal offense to agreement that the A is wrong and messed up.

Nobody attacked or bullied you WnW. They simply agreed that viewing child porn is wrong (teen or otherwise). Taking offense at statements that are about the alcoholic and not you is a sign of being enmeshed in a dysfunctional relationship and that is not a healthy place to be. I hope you come to realize that his behavior has nothing to do with you and the posts on this forum come from a place of experience and caring, not criticism of you.

L

wanttobehealthy

waitnwatch- i don't know if you're reading here still. i hope you are. listen, if you go back and look at my old posts (and i've been here just about a year-- not that long) you will see that i felt a lot like you early on.

i felt like no one really knew the whole story or knew that ah wasn't all bad. i felt like i was being judged and people were merciless about saying ah was terrible. i got angry, i got snippy, i felt attacked and alone.

in reality, there wasn't a solitary (not one) thing that was said that was off base. i didn't see it at the time of course. i was too busy trying to figure out how i could continue trying to control the uncontrollable (an addict and abuser). i wanted to hear that ah was treating me badly but that it would all be okay in the end and that's not something that could be said. and so, when i was told bluntly that ah was being awful and his behaviors were beyond pale (as i am afraid to say your H's viewing of teen porn is in my estimation), i reacted strongly.

i read your posts from start to finish in this thread and could really really empathize with where you are coming from. i don't read any harshness in the posts to you in this thread BUT i do recall being in your shoes and at that time, anyone who challenged me felt like an attack.

when i felt attacked or judged it wasn't bc that was happening on here. it really wasn't. it was bc of the following:

a) i felt out of control at home and couldn't fix my marriage
b) i wanted to come here and have someone tell me how to fix it or at least just offer sympathy without suggestions/judging (that might feel good in the moment but it does nothing to help the situation and really is unhealthy in the long run)
c) i feared that if i really left AH and divorced him and believed that he was not able to change, that i wouldn't be strong enough to make it on my own
d) i was clinging to the idea that i'd invested 12 yrs in this r/s and was determined that i wasn't going to throw it away and figured that i knew best and there had to be a way to make it work

i could go on and on... i don't know if any of what i am writing resonates with you at all. i can hear the pain and frustration in your posts and my heart goes out to you so much.

i just hope you will stick around. for whatever it's worth, please trust that what you are experiencing (feeling like no one gets it) is something that i imagine more than a few of us felt at times and i promise that if you stick around, you will find in the end, like me, that the voices that you felt were harshest, were actually among the most helpful.

please stay... thinking of you

WaitnWatch

WTBH -- You are too dear to ignore. I didn't and I don't dispute any relevant advice or points. I absolutely do know what has to be done and I am in the process of doing it. Thank you for thinking of me. I will think of you, as well, with grateful affection.