Krys

So my ABF and I have been trying to work on things while living apart (I left 3 weeks ago). Things have been going ok, it was tough leaving him and our place (I love that place) and walking into the unknown. Granted my unknown comes with a temporary safety net thanks to my mom and stepdad letting me stay with them until I get on my feet, but it's still scary and a big adjustment. I have been working on myself while letting him do his own work even if it means he has to fall on his face, and although I have had the occasional codie slip up I am learning and trying my best. Tonight we got into an argument on the phone. I have found that although I feel ok most of the time, under it all I am pretty angry and once in a while it seeps out. Justified or not I feel bad about it, but this time he came at me with "I know I lost you because of my stupidity and my behavior, but that's not me, I was under a lot of stress and if you had been more supportive..." That's as far as he got because I got REALLY mad. I said "Stop right there, I did not cause your problem, I cannot fix your problem, and no matter what approach I took it wouldn't have made a difference so STOP blaming me!" I never would have said that before, I would have just took it. It was a tiny step, but I'm proud. I'm also proud that although I was tempted to make him feel better, I didn't do it. Thanks guys for being there to help me through this the last couple of weeks, you have no idea how much strength it gives me. :-)

marie1960

I'm proud of you too. good for you.

Shadydeal

I am proud of you too....and you are right!

dancingnow

"Justified or not I feel bad about it, but this time he came at me with "I know I lost you because of my stupidity and my behavior, but that's not me, I was under a lot of stress and if you had been more supportive..." That's as far as he got because I got REALLY mad. I said "Stop right there, I did not cause your problem, I cannot fix your problem, and no matter what approach I took it wouldn't have made a difference so STOP blaming me!" I never would have said that before, I would have just took it. It was a tiny step, but I'm proud. I'm also proud that although I was tempted to make him feel better, I didn't do it. Thanks guys for being there to help me through this the last couple of weeks, you have no idea how much strength it gives me. :-)"

Yay for you, Krys. You are doing great.

"and if you" that's where I step away from my RAH and stop the discussion, conversation, argument whatever it is.

3 weeks ago we were in counseling and he got all teary eyed about how he hates when we fight. Okay then, it takes two to make that happen and if I work on my stuff I am sure I can be considerate, kind and in the moment. I will not participate when someone tries to control me by telling me what I need to do.

A sad reality but many of our conversations end abruptly and some never even get started because I almost know where they are going to go.

Working for me right now, as long as I face the reality.