The ex says his family is helping him learn to control his drinking
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
The ex says his family is helping him learn to control his drinking
He came and got his stuff out of my garage last night. We talked briefly. He is living with his brother and said his family is being "really supportive" because they are letting him drink there and he's showing them he can "learn to control his drinking".
Background: 2 DUIS, 2 bankruptcies, 2 lost jobs in 2 years, I just dumped him and kicked him out because of a $1,100 drinking spree two weeks ago...you can fill in the rest...
He was on a three-day bender at his brother's house last weekend and never went to work on Monday. Since then, he proudly announced, he has been drinking EVERY NIGHT at his brother's and "controlling it". And, he noted, it's good because, by letting him live there and drink without any problem, he is avoiding another DUI.
Holy hot mess. How someone could say that in all sincerity with a perfectly straight face is beyond unbelievable.
Background: 2 DUIS, 2 bankruptcies, 2 lost jobs in 2 years, I just dumped him and kicked him out because of a $1,100 drinking spree two weeks ago...you can fill in the rest...
He was on a three-day bender at his brother's house last weekend and never went to work on Monday. Since then, he proudly announced, he has been drinking EVERY NIGHT at his brother's and "controlling it". And, he noted, it's good because, by letting him live there and drink without any problem, he is avoiding another DUI.
Holy hot mess. How someone could say that in all sincerity with a perfectly straight face is beyond unbelievable.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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We alcoholics lie to everyone, including ourselves, in the hope that we really aren't alcoholic and can control our drinking. Some of us actually finally get the message that we are powerless over alcohol. Unfortunately, many never do.
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True words up above.
My xah was drinking a case of beer a day when I ended my marriage. He had a stint of sobriety (in a long term inpatient treatment program with lots of counseling etc) and he came back to stay with his brother. His brother is also an alcoholic.
He looked me dead in the eye and rattled off a bunch of (quite familiar) complaints about his brother and then said "You have no idea what it is like to live with an alcoholic." I didn't say one word. He lasted 6 days and drank and went back to treatment. He came back to see the kids a few months after that and again made comments about his brother, never once self-identifying that any of it might have been true for him.
It is flabbergasting.
My xah was drinking a case of beer a day when I ended my marriage. He had a stint of sobriety (in a long term inpatient treatment program with lots of counseling etc) and he came back to stay with his brother. His brother is also an alcoholic.
He looked me dead in the eye and rattled off a bunch of (quite familiar) complaints about his brother and then said "You have no idea what it is like to live with an alcoholic." I didn't say one word. He lasted 6 days and drank and went back to treatment. He came back to see the kids a few months after that and again made comments about his brother, never once self-identifying that any of it might have been true for him.
It is flabbergasting.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Thumper, it's like we've lived the same life, lol!
The ex's brother is a daily pot smoker, and the ex has told me many times how his brother is such a drug addict, how his brain has been totally fried by the drugs, etc. Yet he is incapable of seeing that he is...exactly the same.
His relationship with his brother is volatile at best, and they're both addicts. I'm sure it won't be long before things get wildly out of control over at that house. Tonight's Friday--party time!!
I'll be home making chicken for dinner and taking the dog for a walk with my kids. I sure miss the excitement of living with an addict!
The ex's brother is a daily pot smoker, and the ex has told me many times how his brother is such a drug addict, how his brain has been totally fried by the drugs, etc. Yet he is incapable of seeing that he is...exactly the same.
His relationship with his brother is volatile at best, and they're both addicts. I'm sure it won't be long before things get wildly out of control over at that house. Tonight's Friday--party time!!
I'll be home making chicken for dinner and taking the dog for a walk with my kids. I sure miss the excitement of living with an addict!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
[QUOTE=anvilhead;3370905]i call it frat boy mentality.
QUOTE]
Oh my gosh, that's exactly what I said when he used to disappear on me to drink himself into a stupor at his brother's. I said, "We're in our 40s, should we be acting like we live in a frat house?"
Macaroni salad, that sounds soooo good!
QUOTE]
Oh my gosh, that's exactly what I said when he used to disappear on me to drink himself into a stupor at his brother's. I said, "We're in our 40s, should we be acting like we live in a frat house?"
Macaroni salad, that sounds soooo good!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Alabama
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I dealt with this same scenario many, many, many times...he would always use the excuse that if I'd just relax and quit fighting him so hard about drinking at home that he 'felt' like he could learn to control it...quack!
In the beginning, I compromised with him in every single way possible. Even to the point to telling him if only he wouldn't drink and drive, I didn't care how much he drank. Things changed down the road and I got much harder on him...especially now that in the last 10yrs we've been together, he's been arrested 5 times for DUI and still has no problem getting in a vehicle after drinking and taking off. I got really tough when our son came along and we were into our 5th yr together by then and said absolutely no drinking at this house.
That's when he got really mean and told me the only people that understood him were his father and his brothers...all alcoholics. They were understanding and supportive and believed in him and blah! blah! blah! and what he really meant to say is they have no problem with me or what I do because they're drunks too and we're just one big happy drunk family...they put you down and tell me that you're just being a ***** and don't want me to be happy or have a good time now and then. Every southern man drinks after a hard day's work. We work hard, we deserve it!! Yadda yadda yadda! He comes from a long line of them actually and I hope and pray that I can steer my son in another direction in life. I will die trying!
In the beginning, I compromised with him in every single way possible. Even to the point to telling him if only he wouldn't drink and drive, I didn't care how much he drank. Things changed down the road and I got much harder on him...especially now that in the last 10yrs we've been together, he's been arrested 5 times for DUI and still has no problem getting in a vehicle after drinking and taking off. I got really tough when our son came along and we were into our 5th yr together by then and said absolutely no drinking at this house.
That's when he got really mean and told me the only people that understood him were his father and his brothers...all alcoholics. They were understanding and supportive and believed in him and blah! blah! blah! and what he really meant to say is they have no problem with me or what I do because they're drunks too and we're just one big happy drunk family...they put you down and tell me that you're just being a ***** and don't want me to be happy or have a good time now and then. Every southern man drinks after a hard day's work. We work hard, we deserve it!! Yadda yadda yadda! He comes from a long line of them actually and I hope and pray that I can steer my son in another direction in life. I will die trying!
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