changeschoices

I won't miss much about the AXBF at this point, but the one thing that consistently remained wonderful in our relationship was the chemistry. Such wonderful cuddling and all that other good stuff. I will miss that terribly, especially since I never really experienced such a thing in my past relationships. Perhaps the only time I really felt secure in my AXBF's love was at night, because we'd cuddle together all night in our sleep. I'm such a physically affectionate person that this truly was lovely. I'm a hugger--I hug my friends, I hug my kids all the time.

I know I will meet a good man who treats me well in the future. But one fear that holds me back is, what if I meet a good man who I love in all respects but can't feel that affectionate and intimate chemistry for?

In particular, I'm worried that my strong physical tie to the AXBF was some sick sort of trauma attachment.

So, you ladies (and gents, too!) out there, please share your experiences? Did you find affection and chemistry again after your relationship with your A ended?

Lilmssunshine

Im feeling the same way right now. I miss the canoodling. Im a very lovey dovey person too. Its only natural to miss that type of thing. Ive had a couple relationships where ive had that same chemistry. So I think you will find it again. Right now for me I only want to cuddle with the person I have NC with. He was so cuddly and affectionate. I kinda just wanna sneak over to my A's house (when hes sober) get a cuddle session in then leave lol like using him for canoodling haha. Gosh and I miss how manly he felt...so much manness...ok I gotta stop. You will find it in time Until then keep hugging your family, friends and pets!

ODAT63

Yes, and Nope.. I don't think I will ever love someone the same way I loved my XAH, however, this new love might not have the same Chemistry but it is still nice, peaceful, and all I wanted my XAH to be.
By all this I mean that I don't have the obsession, drama, caos, betrayal, resenment, disappointment and neediness that tied me so strong to him.
Making love to my Normie boyfriend is nice, sweet sometimes passionate, he doesn't go 1/2 dead or dead at all on me like most of the time my x used to be (premature too)...lol that part is really nice, but there is that something about my x that I still miss a lot and keep me thinking about him, maybe is the fantasy..who knows.

itsmylifenow

Great question! This is my one little part that I keep holding on to and missing the most as well. It's the part that makes me cry to think of him holding someone else. They can have the rest of it, I just want that part!

I've had that with my XH and a few other relationships. I'm sure I will have the desire to want to snuggle with someone else but so far I've had a few dates with other guys and when I think about going there it just makes me sad. Now, the funny part is that I could easily have sex and not be an issue, but that damn cuddling thing...that seems more intimate and loving to me than the rest of it.

Nuts.

lillamy

OK, time out here - what makes you think there is ONE person in the universe that you can experience a certain emotion with? Isn't that giving your ex almost magical powers over your life?

"Soul mates" and "my one true love" are BS concern antic concepts that do an incredible amount of damage. "Chemistry" is dangerous. Infatuation and attraction are pleasant kinds of temporary insanity that land us in relationships that we would have run from of we had had had our heads screwed on straight.

Will you ever be able to love another human being? I think that depends largely on how long you allow romantic illusions of a person you have broken up with to take up space in your mind.

They're called "ex-" for a reason. Let them go and move on with your life.

lillamy

And "concern antic" should be romantic. My phone is being creative.

Marytherboo

I find it helpful to think of my AH as the man I've loved most deeply so far. Who am I to say I've already tapped everything love might be? We had wonderful chemistry, won't ever forget it. Taught me to appreciate physical intimacy (not just sex, but "canoodling" too) for the first time. Now I know how lovely that is, I have to admit I'm kind of interested in experiencing it with someone who isn't a failure in every other aspect of partnership!