sadsister9

I think that's true. It's going on 10 years now. Two gorgeous kids, a nice home, a promising career, years of education, a dream lifestyle. All gone. Broken hearts everywhere including our parents - and especially her children. I've lost track of her rehab stints... 10, I think. I'm afraid she'll never be well. It seems like she just can't overcome this. I go back and forth between being sad over this idea, and being so angry I want to shake her. No. I want to punch her in the face.

Does anyone else have a relative who's this bad? How long do you hold out hope? How do you keep from saying something you can never take back? Does anyone else struggle with these things?

Seren

Hello sadsister, Welcome to SR!

I'm so very sorry to hear that your sister struggles still, and I do know how it feels to swing between furious anger and frustration into complete despair.

The person who sent me searching the internet one night is my stepson.

I can tell you that it is possible to find peace and joy in your life again--regardless of whether or not your sister is drinking. I hope you will stick around, read as many of the threads as you can, but especially the "stickies" at the top of each forum. They contain some very valuable, basic information. Many of us have also found the face-to-face meetings of Al-Anon to be really helpful.

As far as "saying something you can never take back", well, many of us have vented at the alcoholics in our lives. It may make us feel better temporarily, but threats, ultimatums, begging, pleading, tears, or coercion will not get an alcoholic to stop drinking. Plus, there are many stories within these threads about how the addicted person used our words against us to make us feel guilty and manipulate us into further enabling behaviors.

The sad truth is that sobriety is something your sister will have to want more than anything else and work for on her own. I do believe, though, that where there is life, there is hope!

Welcome, again!

bunkie65

Sadsister, im so sorry your hurting and heatbroken over a loved ones addiction. It is sad and heart breaking and anger and hostility, rage, resentments are feelings that can consume us, but don't have to. When you live closely to this sickness it make us sick too. You did not cause it you can't control it and you can't cure it. However you can get mentally healthy yourself even if she is still drinking. Hydrogirl is absolutely right on when she suggested going to alnon, it changed my life. There is always hope for a loved one to get clean and stay clean, that's between them and God. Just as you have to work through and past all these crippling feelings is between you and God. Sweetie go to at least 6 meetings before you decide if you really like it or not. Open up your heart and I promise you, your pain will lesson and you will find peace and serinity in the mist of the chaos. I will pray for you and your sister and the family. Take care of you dear and learn to lovingly let God take care of her.

bunkie65

As far as the saying things we should not, again hydrogirl has alot of valuable insight and is right on when she says we all say and do things we should not. We are not perfected just because we are working on being mentallt healthier. Its day to day, one day at a time. We are human beings with emotions and feelings that change. Going to alnon for me helped me lesson my reaction to crisis situation and let go quicker of anger and to understand what expectations are. For me they are premeditated resentments. There is always, always hope but our peace and serenity can't be dictated by seeing change in our loved ones. I have to keep the focous on me, asking god to grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I would say this prayer over and over sometimes at night when my addict fiance was out on a binge and did not come home or answer the phone, it helped to give me enough peace to stop worring and be able to fall asleep. Prayers for you and your loved ones.

Spes

Sadsister,

More than you know, I understand your feelings and I'm sorry you are experiencing them. I have taken hydrogirl's advice to heart and it does help.

I am not alone here...and neither are you. I pray for you and your sister.

Lilmssunshine

Sadsister, I think everybody deserves a certain amount of hope. Especially a Sister. If everyone else loses hope in her, just one person having hope and believing in her may make a difference one day. We feel for our sisters so deeply and want so much to help them. Especially if your the older one. You can have hope while still letting go. You can tell her you believe in her all the while taking care of you. I feel I can relate to a certain extent. My sister needs help in other aspects of life. Although it hurts me and I want SO much to help her. I simply cannot. But I can and will always believe in her and have hope. While letting her live her life. Try to cherish the memories and never lose hope.

fedup3

I will be praying for you, your sister and your family. I hope you find that there is so much truth and comfort in "Let Go, Let God"