itsmylifenow

Damn it...

I knew the day would come. He had been telling me he was going to get back out there. I have checked periodically and sure enough today there was his profile.

I see his pictures and all I can do is cry. He was the man that loved me. That held me and wanted to be with me.

But, he is a messed up man. One that isn't healthy for me. He is verbally abusive, a pot head, whatever else I need to remember that he wasn't good for me.

He looks so good in his pictures. He is a good looking guy so there is no doubt he will get women to go on dates with him.

I laughed at his profile. Where it says do you do drugs he answered no. His job is listed as residential services....if that's code for unemployed and does illegal stuff...then I guess that's what it is.

Wow, we just ended this finally less than 2 weeks ago. How fast he works to find another person...after all summer is coming and he has things he wants to do...can't do them alone.

Seeing this has me in 15 different directions emotionally. A part of me feels sick to my stomach, another part realizes it's really over, one part wants to go find him and stop him, and yet another part says its time for him and me to move on.

This hurts. I have no interest in dating anyone right now. I am so messed up from our relationship that I can't even see straight. The thought that he is that ready to go searching for someone new...wow.

I did need to see this...like I said I've been waiting for it. In all the time we've broken up and gotten back together this is the first time he's gotten back on the dating site.

Means it's really over. Really, really over. And, he no longer loves me.

I wish you could all hear the thoughts in my mind...he's needy, he drinks too much, he loved me, he wanted me, sex with us was good, sex with him wasn't very intimate, I miss him, I'm so happy he's gone and I don't have to deal with him and his drinking anymore, I want him here, I want him to go away........I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me it will all be okay....

I feel tormented right now...sorry for the joke but...I wish I drank!

smacked

If you have no interest in dating right now, get off the dating sites

Freedom1990

^Heartily co-signed!

dollydo

Why do you torture yourself by checking up on him? What are you trying to accomplish?

ABIDEBYLAW

Now he will be someone else's problem.

wanttobehealthy

He's looking for his next enabler. Someone who can pad his ego and tell him how great he is, until they realize what he actually is made of. His "moving on" is really his seeking more support for his addiction. And, like the others say, you are really torturing yourself by looking-- I am sure it's hard not to but maybe make a list of things to do when you are tempted to check out the dating sites and check on him. Call a friend, work out, ...Hang in there!

fourmaggie

you got that right!..they dont waste anytime...

love, its ok, but dont torture yourself over THAT....

keep grieving and moving forward, and read everything you can about this SUCKY disease....we all understand how you feel, me, now 2 years later...i feel great and got my BACK BONE back....

itsmylifenow

There are times I wish the internet didn't exist. Breakups are one reason. Too easy to spend time fussing over it and thinking about it and looking up the ex. What the heck were breakups like before we had access to everything? You broke up, didn't see the person and moved on. Now, you've got to block email, phone, texts, FB...omg...the avenues for finding things out is so much greater.

I will get past it and all will be well. Sometimes we just need that slap in the face. Like I haven't been slapped enough! ...mentally that is...

This is a great time for me though, it really is. As scared as I might be to be alone, I have the opportunity to create the life I really want for myself, to find myself again and hopefully when the time is right, find that one terrific guy who will really and truly be able to love me with all his heart.

For now though, I'm off this computer...otherwise I will obsess and take it to the next level which is doing a search to see what kind of women are out there and who I think he would like. I know....I have my own addictions...focusing on me now..and not on him....working on it.

marie1960

So now you know, curiousity killed the cat.......

You are just torturing yourself. If you have only been apart two weeks and he is already on the move, that would be all the answer I would ever need.

Go live your life free of this crazy train. You certainly deserve much more than he can offer.

changeschoices

Don't check up on him. It will only hurt you further.

And don't feel jealous that because he's good looking, he will quickly get dates. Instead, feel sorry for those women who have no clue what they're getting into, and feel lucky you are free from it!

When the time is right, you will find someone who treats you like a queen--as long as you love yourself--you will be sending out the right signals and you will be happier than you ever thought possible with someone else.

My ex's last two relationships before me ended because of his drinking. One of them is blissfully married now and the other is engaged. And both of their men adore them, post the most loving things on their Facebook walls, etc. And someday, I'll have the same thing, too.

kiki5711

Absolutely without a doubt. Few months or so down the road, you might see that girl posting the very same words, you are posting now.

inpieces314

It's sad, when you think about it. You are glad to be rid of all that drama, but feel sorry for the poor innocent girl that he is going to destroy, just like he did you.

At least I do. People don't realize what they are getting into. I wish alcoholics came with warning labels. I mean, they kill people just like cigarettes do. Just on the inside.

itsmylifenow

How is it my mind comprehends everything I read but internally I'm having a hard time.

If this is what it feels like to detox and quit an addiction, it's no wonder so many people don't make it.

I know that before I came along he'd had quite a few r's that only lasted a few weeks to a few months. And, the fact they were labeled "relationships" makes me laugh. There should be more meaning to it than that. I would call it dating until there's really a commitment.

But, I know what you are all saying. I have journals filled to the brim with all the stupid, crazy, horrible things he's said and done over the past few years...all there to remind me of how hard it was to get out of the relationship with him and how bad he is for me. This should be a no-brainer. From a strictly logical standpoint, there is no reason to stay with a person who does this to me. Just a few weeks ago I wrote how when he was around I never felt good or truly happy inside. His existence weighed down my soul instead of lifting it to the heavens.

Yet, I'm like an addict right now needing my fix. I've lost my focus this morning on doing anything for myself and all I'm thinking about is my need (fix) to call him. I know they are just emotions and you don't have to act on them, but breaking that need is damn hard!! I'm trying to make it subside and all I hear in my head is call him, call him. It's like having the angel and devil on your shoulders.

choublak

JMHO, but if he were THAT great he wouldn't need to use an online dating site to find women to "go on dates"...

inpieces314

Don't you know, that's how they do it now. Between "work" and "kids" and all those DRUGS running around, who has time to date?

Anyway, where would these loser guys pick a woman up? The bar?

nodaybut2day

Take it from someone who DID call the xbf *after* it was over...it was just more torture and delaying the inevitable: it's over and though it's painful, both people will move on. In your case, you're moving on to liberate yourself from some toxic dead weight, and in his case, he's moving on in a panicked state to QUICKLY find someone (anyone really) who will enable him and give him HIS feel-good fix, so he can keep avoiding maning up and taking care of himself like an adult.

IMO, it's time to do 1 good thing per day for yourself, and journal about that...be it, visiting a store you're interested in, or buying yourself that yummy pastry you love, or getting together with some girlfriends for a good cry/laugh fest. Now is the time to focus on you (and perhaps to ask a girlfriend to keep your laptop for you for a few days while you detox?).

inpieces314

Actually he was my neighbor for 5 years. And one of my best friends.

Trust me, he changed big time when he had some work related injury. It wasn't like going downhill quick, it was like jumping off a cliff.

And he still hasn't hit bottom. Called me this morning and told me he got fired from work. Is that enough? We'll see, I doubt it.

choublak

Who's "they"?

inpieces314

"They" are the drug addicts.

And I didn't know it was him who called, he has no phone, how the hell was I supposed to know that he would use some random dude's phone from work? I have my own work to deal with, when numbers from that area code show up, I answer, because I live in one state and work in another. I didn't even know he was AT work. And when he told me, I said I don't know what to tell you, gotta go. Click.

fedup3

I think for myself it's because so much of how I grew up was fantasy. You know, all the romance books and movies, and how good always wins in the end, ugh. If only life were like that, but it's hard for our emotions sometimes to catch up with our brains and reality. So with that said there is a prince charming out there for you who is way better than your old X you just have to go on living and he'll show up when you least expect it.