Help hubby giving up drink.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: belfast
Posts: 13
Help hubby giving up drink.
Ok where to start.
My husband and I have been together almost 9 years and we have 6 kids. He has always had a drinking problem and it has caused loads of problems over the years, before he met me he was stabbed, fought with his dad, fought with his siblings, was arrested and was in prison for 6 weeks. After we got together he was arrested for drink driving, he has been physically and verbally abusive towards me, he starts rows with me every once in a while which I swear are so he has an excuse to go on a binge though he denies it.
About 3 weeks ago he started a row which I refused to participate in and when I woke up in the morning he was gone, he turned up at 7pm that night and obviously I was annoyed with him he then took himself off for another 2 days! when he came back I told him he needed to give up the drink which he has done but tonight hes been finding it really tough! He basically says he not an alcoholic but dependant on alcohol that he's only giving up drink because I'd give him hell if he drank, and that alcohol only causes a problem every once in a while!! but I dont want once in a while though he made me feel I was being unreasonable. His attitude is he works 6 days a week it doesnt interfere with his job so its not a problem.
he has hit me 4-5 times (maybe more) in the past 8-9 years always a long time between them. he had to leave his sisters wedding cause he was that drunk, I've had phone calls to pick him up from the local bar, and from friends fearing he is going to start a fight, he argues that he doesnt go out often which is true and the problems only arise 1-2 times a year sometimes he comes home happy drunk, sometimes he sits in the house and starts getting nasty but claims its me with the attitude.
I'm not the only one who comments on his drinking his family have said about it and when we are shopping my 6 year old reminds me to get daddys wine.
He drinks a bottle of red wine 13% every night and recently this has increased to a bottle and 2 beers. I can only bring one bottle into the house cause if there are 2 he'll drink 1 1/2-2 bottles. tonight he had me feeling we'll whats the harm in a few drinks but I know a drink tonight means one tomorrow and the next day ect.
So now hes angry with me because as far as he's concerned I'm the reason he cant drink again. I know an alcoholic can only stop when they want to and when they admit that its a problem so technically I cant give him the ultimatum to stop drinking and expect it to work but as I said to him his alcoholism is forced on me, I'm sick of watching for the signs hes about to turn nasty or waiting at home wondering if nice hubby or nasty hubby is coming home, feeling I have to shut up so I dont annoy him!
I just feel lost.
My husband and I have been together almost 9 years and we have 6 kids. He has always had a drinking problem and it has caused loads of problems over the years, before he met me he was stabbed, fought with his dad, fought with his siblings, was arrested and was in prison for 6 weeks. After we got together he was arrested for drink driving, he has been physically and verbally abusive towards me, he starts rows with me every once in a while which I swear are so he has an excuse to go on a binge though he denies it.
About 3 weeks ago he started a row which I refused to participate in and when I woke up in the morning he was gone, he turned up at 7pm that night and obviously I was annoyed with him he then took himself off for another 2 days! when he came back I told him he needed to give up the drink which he has done but tonight hes been finding it really tough! He basically says he not an alcoholic but dependant on alcohol that he's only giving up drink because I'd give him hell if he drank, and that alcohol only causes a problem every once in a while!! but I dont want once in a while though he made me feel I was being unreasonable. His attitude is he works 6 days a week it doesnt interfere with his job so its not a problem.
he has hit me 4-5 times (maybe more) in the past 8-9 years always a long time between them. he had to leave his sisters wedding cause he was that drunk, I've had phone calls to pick him up from the local bar, and from friends fearing he is going to start a fight, he argues that he doesnt go out often which is true and the problems only arise 1-2 times a year sometimes he comes home happy drunk, sometimes he sits in the house and starts getting nasty but claims its me with the attitude.
I'm not the only one who comments on his drinking his family have said about it and when we are shopping my 6 year old reminds me to get daddys wine.
He drinks a bottle of red wine 13% every night and recently this has increased to a bottle and 2 beers. I can only bring one bottle into the house cause if there are 2 he'll drink 1 1/2-2 bottles. tonight he had me feeling we'll whats the harm in a few drinks but I know a drink tonight means one tomorrow and the next day ect.
So now hes angry with me because as far as he's concerned I'm the reason he cant drink again. I know an alcoholic can only stop when they want to and when they admit that its a problem so technically I cant give him the ultimatum to stop drinking and expect it to work but as I said to him his alcoholism is forced on me, I'm sick of watching for the signs hes about to turn nasty or waiting at home wondering if nice hubby or nasty hubby is coming home, feeling I have to shut up so I dont annoy him!
I just feel lost.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: belfast
Posts: 13
I know I have issues with normalising things because my dad was also an alcoholic but he was a binge drinker 24/7 for 6 months at a time my hubby is not at this stage so it does sort of seem less of a big deal IYKWIM. I suppose the reason I carried on buying his alcohol was because it really wasnt worth the grief if I didnt. I know its a problem it wasnt necessarily him becoming violent his moods were enough to make life miserable, I tried to explain to his a few days ago about one night when I was pregnant I was having palpatations and dizziness and I went to the hospital. Considering the health of myself and my unborn child were in question i should have been worried about that instead all I could think about was getting out of there in time to get his wine (I'm in the uk where you can only but wine until 11pm) I almost walked out and ended up speeding to the shop to buy it!!
Before he would have asked me to drive to the bar to get wine at midnight if I'd forgot to buy it and if I'd refused the night wasnt bearable with his bad mood. For along time he had improved after he hit me the last time I threw him out and we separated for 8 months when he came back 13 months ago his drinking was more under control but it has gradually increased again and after the incident with him going off for what I class as a bender he disagrees just put it in perspective that it's only a matter of time before he gets drunk and I get hit again, but if I mention this to him I get made to feel like the bad guy dredging up the past!
I dont know what to do I have given him the ultimatum me or drink but if this is going to make my life as miserable as when he's drinking whats the point? would a better option be to tell him to do what he wants but to refuse to take any part in it by not supplying alcohol, and make it clear that if I feel at all threatened by his behaviour hes out? then again I dont want another punch to the face1
Before he would have asked me to drive to the bar to get wine at midnight if I'd forgot to buy it and if I'd refused the night wasnt bearable with his bad mood. For along time he had improved after he hit me the last time I threw him out and we separated for 8 months when he came back 13 months ago his drinking was more under control but it has gradually increased again and after the incident with him going off for what I class as a bender he disagrees just put it in perspective that it's only a matter of time before he gets drunk and I get hit again, but if I mention this to him I get made to feel like the bad guy dredging up the past!
I dont know what to do I have given him the ultimatum me or drink but if this is going to make my life as miserable as when he's drinking whats the point? would a better option be to tell him to do what he wants but to refuse to take any part in it by not supplying alcohol, and make it clear that if I feel at all threatened by his behaviour hes out? then again I dont want another punch to the face1
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Smurfio-
I was given an assignment recently to track my history of my relationship with my loved one with a problem with alcohol. I was to write the positive things on one side and the negative things on another (in a timeline fashion).
My loved one was an episodic binge drinker, and often would go months at a time without an issue with his drinking.
As I was writing down my version of our history though it was very eye opening. Those drinking binges were not often but they had a big ripple affect....and impacted me for a long time. I don't know what it feels like to have an added layer with physical contact between me and a loved one.
I had a "normal" existance though. I actually had to stop and have not finished this timeline when I had to look at the reality of the impact of these drinking scenarios. That was pretty overwhelming to me but has been helpful as I work on my healing.
I was given an assignment recently to track my history of my relationship with my loved one with a problem with alcohol. I was to write the positive things on one side and the negative things on another (in a timeline fashion).
My loved one was an episodic binge drinker, and often would go months at a time without an issue with his drinking.
As I was writing down my version of our history though it was very eye opening. Those drinking binges were not often but they had a big ripple affect....and impacted me for a long time. I don't know what it feels like to have an added layer with physical contact between me and a loved one.
I had a "normal" existance though. I actually had to stop and have not finished this timeline when I had to look at the reality of the impact of these drinking scenarios. That was pretty overwhelming to me but has been helpful as I work on my healing.
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