Finally heard from the ex-fiance
 

After what I assume was a three-day bender with no word from him, he texted me last night saying he'll come move his stuff out of my house today. I was in the middle of some last-minute work I had to get done for a client and I texted him back and told him I didn't have time to text long texts about the details, that he should call me so we can make the arrangements about his moving out. He didn't call so after a while I called him and he didn't answer. I texted back and said, stop playing games and answer my call--unless you're drunk, in which case I don't want to talk to you. He never called, so I'm sure he was indeed drunk. In fact, from the sloppy text he sent me, I knew anyway.

He has nowhere to go but his brother's house and I'm sure that's where he was all weekend, and his family is furious with him for his drinking. They have repeatedly yelled at me for allowing him to drink in my house (yes, I did in the past, after being endlessly told he could "drink socially" and "just have a few beers", and being generally bullied). So this is my question: if his family hates his drinking and yells at ME for having let him drink in my home in the past, then WHY are they allowing him to move in with them and GET DRUNK?

Since he is an ex now I wouldn't spend any time trying to figure it out. It is taking up space in your head.

I said the Serenity Prayer to myself countless times each day and it really did help.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

One of the hardest things I did, and the best thing I have ever done, was quit worrying about what other people thought. Granted, it does still creep into my head but I am far more aware now to simply turn off that stinkin thinkin.

Families are strange in their ways. It's much easier to pass judgement on someone who is not related to you then it is to look inward at your own dysfunction. I know I have been judged and deemed a bad wife for moving out just when my husband sought recovery, but I don't care. My marriage is mine and my husband's business, end of story.

Try your best not to worry about it and focus on wrapping up the details of the move instead.

Take good care,
~T

Thank you, I think that there really is no rational explanation for his family's behavior because it's not rational! His brother was previously addicted to crack and now smokes pot daily, from what I hear. His wife told me she thinks it's okay because it's not crack. And his mother has been dating an alcoholic for about a decade. She thinks it's okay because they don't live together and she never intends to move in with him.

Personally, if it were me, I would pack this 'stuff' up in black trash bags and then txt hime the following message:

"your things are packed up, and will be placed outside my door at 8:00am on tuesday 4/17/12. IF they are not picked up by 6:00pm they will be thrown in the dumpster."

Then I would go on about my business and do as I said. If I lived in my own home, his things would sit by the front door until 6 pm and then I would throw them in my garbage can for trash pickup.

The same if I lived in an apartment or a townhouse.

Since he is your EX you really do not need to talk with him or answer his txt messages.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

My question to you is why in God's name would you continue to have a damn thing to do with him and his family? Good God.

Yay! I am done! He called me tonight to tell me that he doesn't need help because he can drink moderately (2 OUIs, 60 days house arrest, 2 lost jobs, 2 bankruptcies) and that the real problem in his life is ME, because I'm just too critical of him. Needless to say, I hung up on him.

Texted him that his things are in the garage and he has three days to get them or they're being donated (I'm selling my house and I can't keep his crap around). Emailed all our mutual friends to tell them I booted him because he wouldn't get help for his drinking. Cancelled his cell phone line (on MY plan that I was paying for all along).

Done, done, done. Two and a half years of my life wasted. But, boy, I will never make that mistake again. I never knew anything about addiction before. Now I know more than I ever wanted to.

Good start. Stay strong. Lots of quacking from your A, LOLs. When the down feelings come, and they will, come here, read, take a walk, pray. Whatever works, cause "this too shall pass".

You go, girl!

i so agree with this THUMPER that is is an ex and STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT....because in time, and alot of patience the answers will come...for me, many many years later(driving in the car, and it hits you, and the aaha moment is right there in your face....one happened to me a few weeks ago)

stop trying to figure everything out...just worry about you and your recovery...i do hope you are going to al anon regardless of this break up...you will need it...

ps...no contact is a good place to be also