Instead of saying "I am not strong enough to handle being neglected on a daily basis" say "I am so strong that I refuse to be neglected on a daily basis"?

I am in the same situation. My bf started going to AA in November. It's not his first time doing it. But it is his first time since we've been dating. He is very much involved with AA and spends several hours per day with AA people. There is an older lady in the program that he confides in and it drives me crazy that he won't confide in me. Our relationship is definately on life support right now. He also seems "obsessed" with AA and will go out to eat after the meetings and read the literature when he gets home. He also does not return my texts/phone calls anymore as he used to...Although I know he is in constant communication with AA people. I hate to say but I feel AA is ruining our relationship!

Ok folks. This thread has me completely baffled. Here is a place full of desperate posts by people wanting their loved ones to stop abusing substances and find recovery, and yet here is one where finding recovery isn't ok, either. Obsessed with AA? That's how it should be at first. A lackluster commitment to a recovery program equals relapse. Plain and simple.

With all due respect to the OP, it sounds very selfish to want to have a focus on the marriage when your man is fighting for his life. This isn't something minor that he can get around to in his free time. This is a life saving tactic and should be the utmost priority for at least the first year. Yes, I said YEAR. You have the rest of your life to be married. For one year, can you accept your insecurity-based emotions and find peace and pride for your man seeking recovery in the first place?

Sorry for sounding so harsh, but I really can't believe I am reading someone complaining about their husband seeking recovery when others all over this forum are praying every night for theirs to find it, too. There are woman here mourning the deaths of their husbands, significant others, children, etc who were unable to find recovery and died from this addiction.

I highly recommend Al-Anon, and therapy with an addictions specialist. Its best to make informed decisions based on needs versus wants and desires. You may want him to spend time with you, making you feel loved and secure. But believe me, if this marriage has a chance in he11, you need him to be sober!

Well to update my situation, he and I sat down and had a talk about what's going on in our relationship. It's not that my husband doesn't want to spend time with me but right now he can't handle the arguments. The conflicts in our home is a trigger for him and I did not realize that. I have to say that I have noticed a welcome change in my husband in the last few days. Yesterday was the first time ever that we were able to sit down without yelling and screaming and discuss our problems. He was calm and he really listened to my side for once. We talked more yesterday than we have in months and he is sharing with me what he is learning from AA and new feelings that he is having. For the first time in so long I feel that there is hope for us. I feel really good about our future.

That is wonderful, but I still say get your butt into Alanon.

Absolutely getting my butt to Alanon!!!!

I understand you can feel left out or that he is ignoring you, but he must put his recovery first before anything else. It has been said that if you put anything else before your recovery you will lose it. He needs to make himself better so that the two of you can work on your relationship as well. :)

As it should be. If he doesn't get sober he will not be able to fix his marriage.

I highly recommend this. :) It will help you understand why your husband has to do all of the things he is doing.