celticgenes

It's been a while since I ended things with AXF, 10 weeks or so. Been visiting here alot, seeing my therapist, hanging with my kids and good friends, reading & going to Al anon when I can.

I'm still having trouble completely detaching from X. We have a property to sell, so I must communicate with him on that subject. I no longer speak to him verbally (last time was so abusive), but will email/text on business issues only.

Here's my problem: When he goes into an off topic text-fest, I don't respond, and can't wait for it to stop. But when it's been quiet for a few days, I look for some contact. Am I crazy???

Yesterday, enjoyed a few hours at a wildlife refuge. Very peaceful. Then on my way home, got really sad because that was one thing we shared. I miss being able to call up my lover and tell him all of the cool things I saw. I KNOW that I am missing the illusion, barking up the wrong tree (insert tired cliche here), but just gets me down sometimes.

In one of his last communications, he wanted to know if I was remarried yet. Yeah, I ended a 20 year relationship, and found someone to marry in the last 10 weeks. Cause that's reality. Sigh.....

Just feeling crappy.

Lilmssunshine

No, your not crazy. I think its a natural part of grief to wonder if an ex thinks of you. Healthy relationship or not healthy, there's grief no matter what. Ive struggled with wanting to call my A after something cool happened too. When I would miss telling him something I just would call a different friend instead to fill that void. It will get easier. Dont feel bad about those feelings, feel them and let them go. Growing pains hurt but they too shall pass.

itsmylifenow

If that's crazy then I am the conductor of the train...hop aboard!!

I have friends who just don't put up with any crap from a guy at all. So, when I've related the things my ex has said and done and then follow it up with how I miss him or I want to talk to him, they look at me like I have just walked out of the psyche ward.

You ended a 20 year marriage so it makes sense to me that there will be some good things in it that you will miss. Things that were nice, that you shared, that made you feel good.

I have been wanting contact with my xabf during this past week we've been out of contact but then when I really think about the big argument we had right beforehand I tell myself, am I kidding?

We are holding on to a very, very tiny bit of goodness and hope when there is a much larger percentage of very bad behavior we should see instead.

So, you aren't crazy...totally , jk...seriously, it's just part of this deal and you'll work through it and become better at not wanting to contact him as time goes by.

LifeRecovery

For me what you write about was the hardest part. I desired and wanted the connection and intimacy that a long-term partner can provide. Even though the person in my life was not capable of that the desire for it was there for a long time (with or without him in my day to day life).

It is not easy, but I did find that as time went on it got easier.

As strange as this sounds reading about and learning about grief and the grief cycle really helped with this for me. From the stages of denial, bargaining, depression, anger and acceptance etc. I am reading a new book called the Grief Recovery Handbook, and finding some great nuggets in this too.

celticgenes

Thank you both! I just returned from a lovely wedding that I really enjoyed. But I was still hit with the grief (that IS the right word!) when they played "our song".

I actually did call a friend to relate how I spent my day, and what made me sad. She also got rid of an alcoholic, dysfunctional husband, so she really got it. As do you.

Thanks, I needed that. Just a tiny pity party. Carry on!

celticgenes

OOPS, thank you ALL!

steve11694

I went to hell and back while living with ex AW that is still drinking I never stopped loving her but the choice was between insanity or sanity.

Very often I say a prayer for her before I fall asleep. I include a prayer for all the less fortunate people in this world. It helps to fall asleep with good thoughts.

celticgenes

Thank you Steve. I also say a prayer for my A, that he finds peace and not the disaster he seems to be headed for.

Also, I have found that "this too shall pass" actually does. Don't know why, but I'm not suffering today. Just enjoying the warm, sunny weather.

Thanks for all of the support. Sometimes just poking around here is enough to get my head straight.

Going to check out Al anon mtgs in my area (traveling for work). I think that's probably a good way to end the weekend.

Peace to all

dollydo

IMHO all you miss is the drama..the excitement..we codies all become as sick or sicker than the addict themselves.

celticgenes

Perhaps, Dolly. That's what I love about coming here-keepin it honest!

Thanks. I need to stay on a drama-free diet.