Co dependency is a bitch
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: peyton
Posts: 3
Co dependency is a bitch
Hello I am new to the boards and am a co dependent in love with an alcoholic. When we first met he was sober, happy and had god in his heart and I fell madly in love with him. He is the first man I have ever fallen in love with. 6 months later he started to smoke week then drink. He lied and found his way to any bottle or joint he could find and became his old party identiy known as "dirty." I hated dirty. Things got bad and I almost left and that jump started his
Mind and now he is trying to be that sober man I fell in love with and is doing a great job. The problem I face though is with myself. I doubt him all the time and am constantly suspicious of what he is doing even though it is not anything bad. I can't put aside the past to support his present. Please. I need advice. I'm lost in a situation I don't understand.
Mind and now he is trying to be that sober man I fell in love with and is doing a great job. The problem I face though is with myself. I doubt him all the time and am constantly suspicious of what he is doing even though it is not anything bad. I can't put aside the past to support his present. Please. I need advice. I'm lost in a situation I don't understand.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you, and we understand.
I have been carrying around my codependency for years. I keep taking it from relationship to relationship. I finally realized I needed to focus on myself.
For help, I attend Alanon meetings. They have helped me learn valuable life skills and offered face-to-face support.
Reading and posting at SR. There is even a daily codependency forum for posting:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-23-a.html
And reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Not just one reading, but over and over during the years. It has been most helpful when I take the tiem to do the exercises at the end of the chapters.
I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you, and we understand.
I have been carrying around my codependency for years. I keep taking it from relationship to relationship. I finally realized I needed to focus on myself.
For help, I attend Alanon meetings. They have helped me learn valuable life skills and offered face-to-face support.
Reading and posting at SR. There is even a daily codependency forum for posting:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-23-a.html
And reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Not just one reading, but over and over during the years. It has been most helpful when I take the tiem to do the exercises at the end of the chapters.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Welcome! You are wise to seek out information and knowledge and understanding yourself is the key to unlocking a great future for yourself no matter what happens with your current relationship.
Trust is a HUGE part of a healthy relationship and regaining that trust after it has been lost is a difficult thing.
If you think this is "the only guy" for you and you are seriously considering a life relationship then I highly recommend counseling with a professional who is an expert in addictions as well as relationships.
When my my XA were thinking about getting married about 2 years ago we were seeing a great counselor and we took a compatibility test developed by a university that has phenominal results in predicting success in marriages.
We got the results and our counselor said it revealed a LOT of areas where we would need a lot of "growth" (nice way of saying we were not in agreement or compatible).
This was in addition to his addiction issues and my raging codependency!
I echo the other posters... Alanon, this forum and read, read, read... lots of great books on the subject and knowledge gives you the power to make informed choices.
Trust is a HUGE part of a healthy relationship and regaining that trust after it has been lost is a difficult thing.
If you think this is "the only guy" for you and you are seriously considering a life relationship then I highly recommend counseling with a professional who is an expert in addictions as well as relationships.
When my my XA were thinking about getting married about 2 years ago we were seeing a great counselor and we took a compatibility test developed by a university that has phenominal results in predicting success in marriages.
We got the results and our counselor said it revealed a LOT of areas where we would need a lot of "growth" (nice way of saying we were not in agreement or compatible).
This was in addition to his addiction issues and my raging codependency!
I echo the other posters... Alanon, this forum and read, read, read... lots of great books on the subject and knowledge gives you the power to make informed choices.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Wow great advice so far, and I too recommend Al-Anon highly, as well as posting here and reading the forum threads, both here and in the Alcoholism forum. Having the knowledge helped me make better decisions and become self aware of my own crazy behavior.
Welcome to SR, keep coming back!
~T
Welcome to SR, keep coming back!
~T
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
