nici

Hello my name is nici,
I am the adult child of an alcoholic father. I have a hard time trying to maintain a healthy relationship with him due to the fact that he is a unhealthy person. I must stay in close contact with him because he is raising my 11 year old brother alone and my 11 year old brother has been exposed to certain situations that have been disturbing to me in the past. It pains me because he doesnt seem to think he has a problem with drinking. I am 34 years old and I understand that there might not ever come a day that he will truly understand that this life he has choose is truly going to kill him. I call him and try to read to him to encourage him that there is more to life than just sitting on his couch and drinking his pain away. I try to tell myself that I cant change him. This is very difficult.
I have a relationship with a great man who is 33 years old (half the age of my dad) that is in recovery from drugs and alcohol. I say to myself, Whow I ammend my boyfriend for staying clean I mean he makes daily meetings, he reads he KNOWS THAT HE HAS A PROBLEM Why cant my father? Why? and the reason why I feel like braking down is because I have to make sure my little brother as some type of positiveness in his life . I want to make sure he grows up to be a good young man. I am not capable of taking full custody at this time but I am working on it hopefully in the next 2 years. so I take him on weekends I try to buy him and give him the childs life he needs as a child...I also act as a mother to him as well as a sister( his mom left him when he was born) I just dont know what to do, I need some advice I try to have patience with my father but, he is an adult and he must take responsiblity. I will keep praying..

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Nici and welcome to the forums.

You sound like you already pretty much know the score. There's not much you can do for Dad... Dad has to do for himself. I understand how concerned you are about your little brother. Is there any other responsible family member who is capable of giving him a home now? If you feel he is in any danger I hope you will not hesitate to take action to have him placed somewhere else.

If you're not already attending alanon, I hope you will check out a local meeting. You don't ever have to feel alone. Make yourself right at home here.

Hugs,
Smoke

Gabe

I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult position regarding your little brother. I'm sure you are very concerned about him. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for him at the moment, and working towards doing more when you can. I'm sure it's a comfort to your brother to know that you are there for him.
Peace,
Gabe

nici

thank you smoke and gabe for your replys, there is no one else to take my little brother now it is really up to me to insure that he recieves all the positivesness in his life . I have him for the christmas holiday which was really nice I will take him back home monday. Thats the best i can do it just gets over whelming for me I am a huge care taker and i feel guilty for not being able to fix their lives I also stay in close contact with my father to ensure all is flowing the right way. I think I make a difference he knows that when he is with me that he must take good care of himself. (my lil brother) Funny he knows that his nails must be clean and cut, he knows he must brush his teeth first thing in the morning.do homework, i am not sedated, I am aware he must shower, boys can be such a challange but i am trying. May i say dont forget my dad is old and the drinking has disturbed his thinking. My boy friend just bought the computer and I was online reading and listening to others last night , I have gotten some great advice and was happy to see your response it made me feel good I have support. Thank you again. Hopefully this support will keep me focused on whats important. Do you know I never thought i had a problem, I used to ignore what was going on over there, i mean until i found out that my lil brother was acting out in the same manners inwhich he had learned. so i decided not to look the other way and my boyfriend takes him out to the park you know the normal stuff. with this support i think i will be fine. I tryed talking to my dad this morning asking him if he was aware that the drinking will kill him and because he needs to set an example for me too i mean I deserve to have a positive male role model, always deserved that! i deserve not to worry..I have issues with men because of him too, he dosent seem to think he has a problem... i really try but I must accept that i am powerless your right i cant change him. i just wanted to save my lil brotther I want to teach him not to get angry cause when he gets older he will be held accountable for them. I just want everyone to be okay but I must learn boudaries, i know i must not ignore but love them sometimes i just feel like it is too much i mean i my dad is so needy keeping me on the phone constantly, I mean it is so sad how depressed he is...i try to understand i cant fix him but its so hard to accept, any more advice

Gabe

You will find lots of support at this forum. We are all people who have gone through things similar to what you are going through. Sometimes, it just helps to know that you are not alone.
You are an angel to be watching over your little brother the way you are. I will say a prayer for both of you and for your Dad.
Peace,
Gabe

nici

Gabe thank you so much, i figure i will just try..
i just dont want to feel guilty. i mean I now i can only do my best. and leave it in gods hands

12stepmarce

My parents were also alcoholics.....and I found my solutions in Al-Anon. Welcome to recovery......and I hope you try meetings soon. Try 6......you won't regret it.