The Insane Train
 

Well for whatever crazy Codie reason I bought a ticket on the Insane Train yet again. My RXAB was my best friend, the Man I thought I was going to marry...I held onto that dream instead of dealing with the truth as the truth really freakin hurts.

Despite all if the unacceptable behavior he has showed me since he stopped drinking (7 months sober and according to him has done all 12 steps with Spensor) I STILL didn't want to believe the truth. He just does care and all that matters is what feels good to him at the time.

If he doesn't have me he's obsessed with trying to get me back. Once he thinks he has me back ALLof those unacceptable behaviors comes out to play.
He talks to everyone about how much he loves me; tells me I'm the live of his life and he's lists all of his toxic behaviors and apologizes. BUT there is little to no follow through with actions.

Why in the hell did he move across the country to be with me only to not do the work. I'm committed to doing mine but he still wants to do things his way even though he admits that way doesn't work and is insane to think it does.

I'm looking for validation that I'm doing the right thing to walk away from this man I love so much who is in recovery. My heart is torn. I'm starting to think I'm the insane one which I know is probably something he wants me to believe.

I pray for my recovery, serenity, and self love.

Seven months sober is just not enough time for the addicted brain to regain normal functioning.

One to three years is the more common time frame for cognitive functioning to return. If someone advised you that you could rebuild the relationship with mutual give and take in less than a year of sobriety, that person misinformed you.

And if you were told by recovering people that less than a year is too soon, then chose to ignore that advice, then unfortunately you are experiencing the consequences of not following the direction of people with more knowledge of addiction. (Most of us here have done that in one way or another).

If you think you still love him, and if he is sober and working a program, I would consider a suspension of all relationship issues and expectations and take six months off. Most codependents can't bear the prospect of a brief separation, but, honestly, only resentment and disappointment will be the result of trying to work out relationship issues with someone in early recovery. His brain is unable to meet yours.

Is this my EXABF we are talking about? Really, do the stories change much? It's like many of the post should be my own.

Sassy dog....that's part of why I live SR. Just when I ask my self am I the only one who has an XAB in recovery who is still just as terrible as when he was drinking...someone like you reminds me I'm not alone. Thank you.

At 7 months sober I was STILL LOONEY TUNES. The 'fog' was barely lifting and my brain still felt like gooshy quick sand.

It took me a lot longer, I would say 2 1/2 to 3 years before I actually felt and my actions showed that I had re-joined civilization and was a civilized person.

No you are NOT crazy.

It is YOUR right to CHOOSE how YOU WANT to live your life.

He may be dry but what you are hearing is the QUACK QUACK QUACK of the alcoholic voice.

Think the big white AFLAC duck when he speaks and go on about your choices and getting yourself better.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Laurie...

I get caught up because in the alanon meetings I've attended 95% of the people in there are still married, in contact with or living with their qualifier.
These are people who have been in alanon for many years.

When I come to SR many of the posts are very clear about letting them go, how recovery from addiction takes years, leave now etc... Starts to make me question am I suppose to stay in the relationship and work out my own stuff??
Learn how to detach with love and stay with my RXAB? Very confusing.

For me to stay with him and accept his toxic behavior while in recovery is just too painful. I would be denying my self happiness. I get ths feeling from these alanon meetings that I'm suppose to work my recovery in the relationship especially if he's in recovery.

As you know he is but my RXAB is NO DIFFERENT than when he was drinking aside from blacking out and slurring.