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AH hit D6

Old 04-06-2012, 07:37 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Suki- it hit me today that the most powerful thing I can do I act (& I mean act bc it sure isn't how I feel!) calm, non vindictive and most importantly not let him know that I am phased by anything he does to me. I'm not going to let him know d6 told me he hit her and I sure as hell am not sharing any of the info km getting from the school. I'm unsure whether to tell the therapist I've found for the girls bc I'm unsure what she is required to tell AH.
Good for you! In fact, I wondered the other day if he was expecting some kind of evidence that you were called in at your job to discuss the arrest. Like maybe he was expecting you to get fired and was waiting to see what you would do or say. In other words, he was looking for an explosion and only got a fizzle. I kind of snickered to myself over that one.

You are, of course, right not to say a thing to him about anything. Keep him totally in the dark about what you are thinking or doing. He certainly didn't tip you off that he was going to pull that stunt that ultimately got you arrested.
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Old 04-06-2012, 07:46 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Laurie- got your message and will email you in the AM. Am having a horror of a time
Trying to reply to PM's on my phone! Attempted 3 times and lost what I typed each time!

Suki- I have no doubt he wanted me to a) be fired and b) has asked in a few ways via my mom and brother (who he works w) whether they know what happens w my job and Monday's meeting. My T was cheering me for finally figuring out that Im to let him know NOTHING. He must be going nuts wanting to know what's up and he can sit and wait bc the only way he will get info is through court depositions and even then I'll tell him nothing beyond the bare minimum required. If anything is going to cause him to show his true colors it will be when he gets agitated enough by getting no reaction from me about anything. Inside I'm raging (& running a lot to cope!) particularly w regard to how he's harming the girls- but I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm upset. He smells fear or weakness in me and goes on the attack. I'm trying something new w this faking strength no matter how I actually feel and I hope AH is agitated and self imploding as I type this bc of it
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:09 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I'm just catching up here and 2 things I want to knock around:

1) When I was volunteering at the DV center I distinctly remember being told in our training that either parent has the right to take the children anywhere they like. It is only when a court has ordered otherwise (as in separation or divorce orders) that it would be considered kidnapping. In other words, you can up and take your children to Venezuela if you wanted and there's not much he could do about it. (And vice versa, of course.) You would most definitely have to check with your lawyer about that before packing those bags! So....maybe hold off on that divorce proceeding if you want to explore that option...?

2) If you went to trial on your assault charge, and especially since your daughter is a witness, could there be some way of demanding a lie detector test?? Or could you volunteer to take one?? It's your word against his and HE's the one with the RO against him! Sheesh!!! Where's the justice????
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:29 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Ok, well, out of curiosity, i just did a very quick and dirty search on my point #1 above. If you moved within the united states, your AH could file for divorce and a motion to force you to bring the kids back...assuming he could find you...which I suppose wouldn't be difficult since you'd be leaving paper trails everywhere you went or if you actually needed to get a job somewhere! You'd actually probably have to leave the country and I doubt you are prepared to do that! So......sorry I posted without doing the proper research. I suppose in my training they were emphasizing "getting out now for safety"...which sometimes means whisking the kids away to another state where shelter is available or when getting as far away as possible is indicated.

Another thought... I know you trust your lawyer and all that... he does sound like a good one. But there ARE lawyers who specialize in abuse cases. Maybe a consultation with one would be a good idea? And I forget...do you have a DV advocate or counselor?
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:21 PM
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He smells fear or weakness in me and goes on the attack. I'm trying something new w this faking strength no matter how I actually feel and I hope AH is agitated and self imploding as I type this bc of it
Yes. This is torture for the narcissist, he does not know! Can't get info. His latest bomb fizzled, like Suki said.
He is going crazy wondering why you aren't freaking out.
I wrote "keep faking it", but you no longer need to fake it. You now know how to deal with him, and that is no information at all. Oh, yes, he will be agitated. hehehehe

Can you ask your lawyer about making it difficult to see the girls?
Like an alcoholic can call and say "cant make it."
can you say, "oopsy, i forgot it was your day?" No, I guess not.
That would just add to his basket of crazy.

Just hang on and tell him nothing.


Beth
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:01 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Oh last thing: got an email from
D6's teacher today telling me that at a girls lunch she had today for girls who earned it (D6 was one) d6 shared that her "daddy drinks alcohol a lot and is mean to me & mommy & sisters name". I hope it's safe to trust d6's teacher bc it seems to me that she is sharing info w me that she doesn't necessarily have to and you better believe I am passing all this straight on to my lawyer.
Did the teacher report this comment to CPS? If will certainly go down as unsubstantiated, but as a mandated reporter she is legally obligated to report to CPS anything that even remotely smacks of abuse. Even unsubstantiated reports can add up in the end.
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Old 04-07-2012, 05:11 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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You are doing a great job, wtbh!! I think that keeping your cool in response to all your AH tries to do is great (running and venting here as needed)!

I'm glad you are documenting everything. It should all come in handy during the divorce proceedings.
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